Sunday, December 31, 2006

2006 Year in Review

This year reminded me of 1998. What? That doesn't make any sense. Anyway, here are some personal blog highlights from this past year.

2006's New Year's Resolutions.
The vote on The Probability That I Will Be A Serial Killer. Thankfully most people think I won't be.
My yearly tribute to the late Hank Gathers.
I also wrote a not-as-flattering Ode To Tucker Carlson.
Evidently, I Hate Immigrants.
I examined the scope of Jews' power in Oh, Those Powerful Jews, which has been widely regarded in neo-nazi circles.
The Rwandan genocide was humorously started by A Bad Day.
My post on Neo-Cons vs Neo-Nazis.
A serious look at Two Girls Run Over By A Tank.
Plenty of racism in the Clash of Civilizations.
I implore all Americans to Speak English, well sorta.
Short people can do anything and get away with it as Sentence Comes Up Short shows.
Evaluating the last 2 American presidents in Clinton Bones Bush.
Comparing Jews vs Christians.
Got a question? Ask An Average Muslim.
A short story- For The Love Of Hate: The Riccio-Hale Story.
In its entirety: The Jew Draft.
In August, I went to Europe. Here's one post: Visiting My Family's Past.
The ultimate battle for moral supremacy: Ted Haggard vs Mark Foley.
A lot of bad things that happened actually didn't happen: Tragedy Denial.
Yesterday's post- I'm Back.

Happy New Year everyone.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

I'm Back

In my absence James Brown, Gerald Ford, and Saddam Hussein all died. I remember when Ray Charles died the same week as Ronald Reagan. What is with soul singers and ex-presidents dying in the same week? I think it's a conspiracy. If I were Stevie Wonder, I'd monitor Jimmy Carter's health scrupulously.

I'll have anecdotes and pictures from my trip in the new year.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


In just a few hours, I'll begin my week-long journey that will mostly consist of a Caribbean cruise. I think we're docking in Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas, and St. Thomas, but I really have no fucking idea. Turns out completing a master's degree in Comparative World History does have a perk or two. I most likely won't have internet access.

Instead of more troops going to Iraq, I want to see them home before I come back. And not because of Tom Vilsak's reasoning- it's the Iraqis fault. It's their country, let them fight for it. No. That position corrupts that of the people who truly want the troops home so that fewer people will die. America's presence in Iraq has exacerbated the violence. BRING THE TROOPS HOME!

The Iverson trade is interesting, but I don't think it will help the Nuggets much come playoff time. They're not better than the Spurs, Mavs, Suns, or Jazz. Of those four, they could only beat the Jazz in a series, because Denver has more playoff experience. If the Sixers play their two draft picks right, and it will be a deep draft in June, they may actually have gotten the better end of the deal in the long run. Meanwhile, the Knicks have turned the brawl into a positive, winning three straight.

If the Colts don't get a bye in the first round of the NFL playoffs, I think they'll have something to prove and the weight of expectation will be lessened. Watch for this to be the year they make their run. I still have faith that the Bills can creep into the playoffs.

I'm done here. Peace and love to all.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Chanukah vs Christmas

The way we celebrate these holidays is reflective of something. What that is, I don't know. Ok ok, I know, I just don't want to say it in a Christian country.
I like the idea of Christmas. Giving, world peace, love- these are good things last time I checked. Running up the electric bill of everyone in the neighborhood to keep your Santa snow globe inflated and shining bright is a bit much though.
Taken from a moving car, but through the sea of light you can make out the giant snow globe in the middle, neon reindeer to the left, and the lit candy canes to the right.

The camera wasn't able to capture how bright and obnoxious this one is. Santa and Frosty, a little to the right, raise up and down.

It's hard to see, but they essentially just hung up those flashing snowflakes and then threw the Christmas lights on the tree to the right. If you're going to waste electricity, at least do a good job. Don't make it look like your retarded 5 year old hung up the lights.

The one family that puts their menorah in the window stopped after the third night, so I didn't get a picture of it. That's an early exit for them; they usually last until about the 5th night.

Christmas is supposed to be about charity and modesty. Chanukah is the freaking festival of lights! And all we do is light a candle for a couple of nights (no one ever makes it all the way). One Jewish house had a couple of blue and white lights and another had a small sad paper menorah taped to their door. No one else has any decoration. That's all that's needed when celebrating Chanukah, the festival of lights. We don't find it necessary to throw it in anybody's face, even though it wouldn't be contradicting the principles of our holiday. How about a little more peace on earth and a little less lit deer, neon snowflakes, giant Santas, and awkward Frostys? Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Fighting My Family

If my family had a boxing tournament, I sincerely believe that I would finish victorious and be crowned champion. Most of the women in my family are under 5 foot tall and most of the men are dead.

My two toughest challenges to overcome would be my younger brother Ian and not wanting to punch the majority of my female relatives in the face. My brother has me by about 50 lbs and 4 or 5 inches. I question how well he'd be able to use his size advantage against me. We're probably equally as strong. I'm pound for pound stronger, but if he's able throw his weight into his punches and keep me at a distance, he'll do well. I just think I'm too fast and can outlast him. It'll be tough for him to even hit a small jumpy target. Plus, I won the first boxing match 10 years ago.

There are only three other men in my family. My two uncles related by marriage. One uncle is a computer nerd and was never athletic. He'll have no fun, I'll drop him in one. My other uncle has a crazy streak. But his age and my speed will make him bleed. My decree, I'll drop him in three. My cousin is only five years old, I'd destroy him. But since he's five, I'll leave him alive.

Against the women, I'd just try to win on points so I wouldn't have to mercilessly beat them. But if they test me, this is what they got coming. My two cousins were athletes, one a figure skater, the other a synchronize swimmer. It won't help them against me. Their small stature takes away my uppercut, but still neither would be much of a contest. My aunts are tough and crazy. One will intimidate me with her yelling, but in the end, I'm too fast for her. My other aunt's too nice to hurt me.

When my mother grabs me and tried to kiss me, I've accidentally caught her with a hand or a forearm and she starts crying like a baby. She'll be easy to whoop. My grandma's a tough lady. She's got strong bones. But she's almost 80 years old, so I think I can take her. In 2000, she voted for Gore, so I'll drop her in four.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'm Not Marshall

My brother graduated from Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Miami's rival is Ohio University, but Ian and I have a special spot of hatred in our hearts for those fuckers at Marshall.

Now they've made a movie about Marshall and it has really fucking pissed me off. We used to yell at the opposing teams (no matter what sport or who was playing), "We're gonna kill you like Marshall's 1970 football team," or "You're going down like the plane of Marshall's football team in 1970!" Perhaps it was out of place at a Division III college basketball game between Goucher and Salisbury, but hey, it was our thing.

With the movie, We Are Marshall, our trash talk has lost all its power. It's terrible. I'm sick over it. But that's not the worst part of the movie. The worst part is that they've portrayed this plane crash as a tragedy. Can you believe that? These were awful horrible people that went to Marshall! Imagine if a plane carrying the Hutu murderers who hacked the Tutsis to bits were lauded as heroes. That's the equivalent of going to Marshall. I implore everyone to boycott this movie.

On another note I saw Rocky VI today. It's the first time I've ever seen a movie the day it came out. If you're a Rocky fan, it's a sweet end to an era. If you're not a Rocky fan, you probably won't get it. By Rocky fan, I mean if you've ever thought, "You know, it feels like I haven't seen a Rocky movie in forever," and it's only been 3 months.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Knicks Brawl Reactions

I am the commissioner of a predominantly Jewish fantasy basketball league named "Shabbatai Zvi was a Schmuck." Every week I write a week in review chronically the goings-on in our league and in the NBA. Ok, it really just amounts to me making shit and dick jokes while mocking the fat guy and the stupid guy for being fat and stupid respectively.

Anyway, here are portions of week 7's review- about the brawl and the image of the league:

Carmelo got 15 games. I thought he should've gotten more. 15 for that gutless sucker punch and then one game for each back-step he took running the other way. J.R. Smith (10 games) should've gotten more too, for sucker-tackling Nate Robinson. I was hoping Nate's (10) would be less, not actually hitting anyone, but oh well. And don't tell anyone, but I thought Jeffries (4) was going to get a lot more. But I'm proud of Jeffries, Nate, and Collins. Fuck Carmelo Anthony!

On a related note, in response to sports writers I would like to send a message to our league. Everyone perceives this league to just be a bunch of lawyers and accountants. We need to change this perception. For fucks sake, enough with the funny hats and khakis, this league has a strict dress code. We need to clean up the image of the league. I swear, if you kikes whine or bicker, there will be consequences. Now we need to appeal to the gentile public if we want them to follow this league, so no more public sarcasm, torah readings, bitterness, and being Holocausted. Thank you.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Knicks and Bills Pride

The New York Knicks have been struggling on the floor of late. Mardy Collins exhibited that frustration when he fouled J.R. Smith of the Denver Nuggets hard. It was a flagrant foul and Collins deserved ejection and to be suspended. That is justice. But the Nuggets didn't feel that way and fought instead. It wasn't enough for them to run up the score and purposefully embarrass the Knicks. When the Knicks showed some pride, they had to start a fight.

Carmelo Anthony threw several punches including one that hit Mardy Collins in the face after things had calmed down and Collins was blocked from view. Anthony then ran to the other side of the court. Carmelo Anthony showed why he is a cowardly, gutless, sucker-punching sissy. He should be suspended for a long long time. Definitely the longest of anyone involved in this brawl. And throw him off of the USA team too. I mean, Shawn Kemp wasn't allowed on because he grabbed his crotch while dunking; this has got to be worse.

J.R. Smith tackled Nate Robinson when Nate wasn't looking. Smith also threw several punches and started the whole thing after the foul. He needs to be suspended for a long time too.

Nate Robinson showed a lot of guts in the scuffle by backing his teammates, no matter his size. Sadly, I know he'll have to be suspended too as he threw a few punches. Hopefully, the commissioner will realize that Nate's punches really had no intention of connecting and he showed restraint when he could've went after Anthony, as Carmelo moonwalked his way to the "Wuss Hall of Fame." Jared Jeffries went crazy after the sucker punch, trying to defend his teammates. Being a man has nothing to do with fighting, but it has to do with having your buddy's back and Jeffries did. Of course, he should be suspended for a while too, but I respect his loyalty to his teammates.

It's a cliché, but I hope this will bring the Knicks together. They really should have an "us against the world" mentality now. And they now know that they can trust each other. I also like that it was the young guys out there and hopefully they'll be a part of the Knicks for a while. And this might be the thing that gives them purpose.
I'm proud of the Buffalo Bills. No one has talked about the Bills all season, but they consistently put in gutsy performances. Now the Bills are 7-7 and 5 of our losses were to the Patriots (twice), the Colts, the Chargers, and the Bears- four of the best teams in the NFL. We have an exciting young receiving core and a lockdown defense. And beating the Dolphins twice in one year makes up for a lot of other bad stuff in my life (if there actually was bad stuff for it to make up for). I'm still not sold on the QB, but we'll see.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

You Make the Call

Nazi propaganda
From the comic strip Mallard Fillmore by Bruce "Drinkin 'n a-Drivin" Tinsley, mocking Jon Stewart in 2005?

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The True Meaning of Chanukah

Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
I made it out of clay.
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel... eh, fuck it.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Tragedy Denial

As a historian, one of my most important duties is to determine which human tragedies actually happened and which never occurred because an 87 year old man forgot a detail or two. The following are events that I deny ever happened:

Here's an easy one- the Holocaust
Apparently my grandparents are survivors, but you know what? I wasn't there to see it. Doesn't count.

Slavery in America
Except for the extensive documentation, there's no evidence to prove that black people were enslaved. Source: a white guy covered in leather at a Hoot 'n nanny in Arkansas.

Genocide of Amerindians
So we're supposed to believe that Europeans came to the new world and eradicated a vibrant group of people to near extinction? Then how come I see 53 Chiefs from Kansas City every Sunday? That means there are at least 53 different tribes in the Kansas City area alone. Not to mention the Redskins from DC, the Braves from Atlanta, and the Indians from Cleveland, (although I heard they're actually all from Bangalore). Sounds like there are too many of them for a genocide to have occurred.

Iraq War
A few car bombs every once in a while (say 1,100 attacks a day) doesn't constitute a war. And besides, if you fly over Iraq you'll notice that the entire country isn't on fire. Source: Donald Rumsfeld.

Franco-Prussian War
Prussian Chancellor Otto von Bismarck didn't alter any memos creating a common purpose for the Germanic territories to fight against France leading to Germany's unification. Despite what the Franco-Prussian war conspiratists would have you believe, there was no World Cup in Germany over the summer. Germany doesn't exist. No country in the world loves David Hasselhoff.

Shabaam Sahdeeq's song "You Need 2 Give It Up"
Over a sped up sample of the Fiddler on the Roof song "Tradition," Double S raps about a night on the town (in Anatevka?) with his "two way's bubblin bubblin [and] hoes gigglin." The chorus of course consists of "Y'all need to give it up, y'all crew can't fuck with us, y'all know we gets it crunk, we headed for number one." Maybe, I'm just hoping this one never happened.

The tragedy is that he has a couple of really beautiful songs on the album Never Say Never, like "I Still Love Her" a take off of Common Sense's "I Used to Love H.E.R." But on another song, he disses Mos Def and Talib Kweli for no reason and it ruined his career. (Why am I reviewing an album by Shabaam Sahdeeq? And one that was released in 2001? Doesn't make any fucking sense.)

A Late Night in Tehran
After getting high on the wacky tobacky, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and David Duke theorized about whether two people can make up a circle jerk. Or really, if you can ever have a circle jerk, considering circles don't have sides. (Did I just blow your mind?)

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I Advocate Segregation

The Christians have had a new Christmas decoration in recent years. It is that of the lighted deer. Usually there's just two of them, white lights shining bright, and no Santas nor sleighs nor Jesuses in sight. (The poetic rhyming to this point has been pure coincidence- honest).

As ridiculous as these lighted deer may seem, it's worse when you realize that my neighborhood has plenty of real deer all over the place. The forests were torn down due to overdevelopment in my county and the deer lost their homes. You're probably wondering why I care so dear for the deer. I don't give fuck about deer, but I also don't want them crashing through the windshield of my car while I'm driving at night.

Let's leave the real deer in the forests and the lighted deer in the doldrums with the memory of My Pet Rock and Tickle Me Elmo. And they call the Jews cheap: why because we don't buy this shit?

On a side note, I was trapped at a stop sign as a brigade of fire trucks, with sirens blaring, paraded around carrying a lit-up Santa. It was the only time in my life I prayed that someone's house was on fire. Oh the law suits that would follow. And then of course Bill O'Reilly would claim that the people suing the fire department- for parading around with a lit-up Santa instead of fighting fires- were engaging in a war on Christmas.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Kramer is Racist

Certainly Michael Richards' rant o'bigotry was especially bad for people who are black. But it also wasn't good for Kenny Kramer, the man who the character that Richards played on the show Seinfeld was based on. He may very well be a terrible racist too, but what if he's not?

What if Kenny Kramer's unkempt upsurge of hair and eccentric neurotic mannerisms were due to extensive study of the white supremacist system in the United States? What if he was constantly reading Martin, Malcolm, Huey, Eldridge Cleaver, and Cornell West? What if he was dissecting Hip Hop albums and learning about the tactics of Ella Baker and Bayard Rustin? And now everyone considers (essentially) him a vicious bigot. But again, he actually could be, I have no idea.

What was the casting for Seinfeld like...
Jerry Seinfeld: So, what'd you think of the last guy, Michael Richards?
Kenny Kramer: I think he's perfect to play me. You know, as long as he doesn't go around screaming the n-word at black people.
Jerry: Well yeah. (chuckles)
Kenny: (chuckles)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I'm having trouble starting my take-home test because my thoughts are plagued by the question: am I smarter than I am sexy? I keep going back and forth on that one. I mean, on the one hand I'm practically a genius. But on the other I'm damn sexy. C'mon look at me, just look at me.

It's not easy being me.

Monday, December 11, 2006

My Test

If my posting becomes less frequent over the next week or the quality decreases drastically (if that's possible) it's because I have a week-long take-home comprehensive final exam.

It's two questions and I don't know the specifics yet. My professor told me that one question is on what we learned this semester. So that probably deals with the evolution and shifting definition of modern Chinese nationalism.

The other question deals with theorizing about rulers' legitimacy pre-nation-state and during the nation-state era. Here I can draw on my studies of Vijayanagara (14th-16th century south Indian kingdom) and the Qing Dynasty of China during the 19th century. There are actually parallels between the two. Both allowed much of their empire to remain autonomous. This limited any drastic uprooting of their subjects' lives.

Both Vijayanagara and the Qing dealt with a precarious multi-ethnic situation. Vijayanagara's rulers were religiously Hindu, but they bordered Muslim kingdoms and had a large Muslim quarter within the capital city. The rulers adopted a hybrid culture with culturally Hindu and culturally Islamic features. They wore clothes that resembled those of sultans and their buildings were a fusion of south Indian stairs-like domes and Islamic arched doorways. Muslims also held prominent positions within the military. The Qing were Manchus ruling over the dominant Han. They tried to preserve their own culture (only imposing the queue hairstyle) while finding legitimacy in orthodox Confucianism, which ironically only pushed a Han cultural dominance.

As far as legitimacy in the nation-state era, I can focus on China. But I can't really theorize about it until I get the actual question, because there have been so many shifts and turns even since 1911.

Maybe I'll use the blog to think things through more, or just blow some steam off. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Understanding Women

In my experience, when a nonwhite shiksa acts like she likes you in a romantic way, it means she does. That's logical enough; it makes sense to me. That's not the case with white shiksas. If they act like they like you romantically, it doesn't mean they do. They're just extraordinarily nice. So it leaves you thinking, 'If anybody else acted like this, it'd be obvious, she likes me.' But if you're a short Jew, she probably doesn't.

I haven't figured out Jewish women yet, but I don't think any of them like me. Maybe if they like you they yell at you, "Hey, you're my boyfriend now, go buy me some flowers!" And you reply defeated, "Ok." Or it means they like you when they scream, "You're a fucking idiot!" at you. If the latter is true, then a whole lot of Jewish women have liked me through the years!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I Make Mistakes- Bulgarian Edition

Back in September, I posted pictures from my trip to Eastern Europe. I put up pictures of Jewishness and of perceived anti-Semitism. I have pictures of two different swastikas in Sofia, Bulgaria. I assumed that the swatikas were signs of anti-Semitism (a big stretch, I know). After learning more about Bulgaria's relationship to Jews and with help from some nice informed people, I learned that Bulgaria was one of only two countries to save their Jewish co-nationalists from the Nazis and that the swastikas were actually expressing anti-fascist sentiment.

Thus, including those pictures in with others that exhibit anti-Semitism was a mistake. I truly apologize. The more I learn about Bulgarian people, the more I like them. They're J-okay in my book.

Here are the comments from the earlier post. As far as I can tell, two different people left anonymous comments. I'll call one awesome anon and the other idiot anon to avoid confusion:

Awesome anon: Dude, The writings on the wall in Sofia mean "death to fascism" and "a big dick to fascism" (this being the Balkans). The Bulgarian far right groups mostly target the Roma minority. Jews have generally been treated well throughout Bulgarian history and no Bulgarian Jews were sent to the death camps. After the Communist takeover almost the entire 50 000 strong community left for Israel, most of them being either professional or business people and as such not overly pleased with the new system. Quite a lot of Israelis of Bulgarian descent have successfully applied for Bulgarian citizenship recently, as joining the EU draws near.

knibilnats: A man who works the security beat for Sofia's synagogue also told me that the relationship between Jews and Bulgarians have historically been good. Bulgaria is 1 of 2 countries to save all of their Jews during the War. Thank you very much for the info and I'll add a little note by the pictures. I'm still going to leave them up there so your comment makes sense. Thanks again.

Idiot anon: It is sickening to present antifascist graffities as antisemitic. This is how the zionist propaganda works. The posting is an offense to the Bulgarian nation.

knibilnats: hahaha, are you serious? C'mon man, I don't speak Bulgarian and I saw swastikas in several places. What am I supposed to think? But I learned more, and also the first nice person above left a very INSIGHTFUL comment. (Imagine that: dialogue instead of accusations). I'm not sure what this has to do with Zionism though. To be honest, I think you have an agenda in writing a comment in this manner. But I'll make things clearer to avoid confusion. peace and love

Idiot anon accessed my site from Budapest, Hungary, not Bulgaria (another point for Bulgaria). I really enjoyed Budapest, it's a lovely city, but unfortunately there were prevalent signs of anti-Semitism. Also, a message to the anti-Semites of the world, please look up the definition of Zionism. Not everything a Jew does relates to Zionism. Please, that's just very sloppy anti-Semitism, clean up your act.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Hip Hop Favorites

Most Americans don't realize that Hip Hop is a global phenomenon. Just about every place has up-and-coming emcees, working diligently to perfect their craft.

Here's a site I'm working on:

And I wanted to share a few of my favorite emcees/groups from outside the US, not only current, but throughout Hip Hop history (which isn't too long considering I study 14th century Indian kingdoms). They also vary in popularity. Essentially, I like quite a few these artists' songs.

Bosnia - Edo Maajka
Britain - Braintax, Lewis Parker, Roots Manuva
Canada - Sweatshop Union, K-OS
France - La Brigade, Manau, Kohndo
Germany - Freundeskreis
India/Britain - Panjabi MC
Ireland - Messiah J & The Expert
Israel/Palestine - TACT Family, Da Arab Emcees (DAM)
Netherlands/Morocco - Raymzter
Poland - Grammatik, O.S.T.R.
Senegal/France - MC Solaar
Somalia/Canada - K'naan
Sweden - Looptroop
Turkey - Sagopa Kajmer

But there are so many great emcees and groups in the world. Much love to everyone.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Bush Isn't Changing

Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is [in Iraq], sir. I talk to the families [of those who have died]. I also believe we’re going to succeed. I believe we’ll prevail. One way to assure failure is just to quit, is not to adjust, and say it’s just not worth it. If we were to fail, that failed policy will come to hurt generations of Americans in the future.”- George W. Bush

“One way to assure failure is just to quit, is not to adjust, and say it’s just not worth it”? This isn't a football game. It's ok to "quit" killing people.

I believe we’ll prevail. [About his talk with Tony Blair...] We agree that victory in Iraq is important.”- George W. Bush

What does victory mean here? How many dead people?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Civil War or Anti-Occupation?

With the Baker-Hamilton report coming out today, many people have deemed the situation in Iraq a civil war. I question that conclusion.

The violence in Iraq needs to be investigated. Who is dying? Why are they being targeted? Is it because they have known ties to the American forces? Or is it because they are associated with the new Iraqi army or police force that have both been propped up by America? Perhaps the violence in Iraq is anti-occupation and not the manifestation of severe sectarian strife. This needs to be seriously considered, because if true, it means that American presence in Iraq cannot help the situation, but can only exacerbate it.

To lighten the mood a bit, did you hear the one about the Iraqi comedian who was killed?

He left behind a wife and three kids.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Passing Me By

The Washington Wizards game was televised on Comcast SportsNet, so Kerri Strug's appearance was pushed back several hours. In fact, it just ended.

Kerri Strug was intelligent, witty, and likeable. But she didn't mention my name once. All she could talk about was some sports achievement from 10 years ago. Hey, I once made a great play in little league, but you don't hear me bringing it up now (that's not true, I brag about it all the time).

The point is that Kerri Strug didn't declare her love for me on television. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Love is fleeting my friends. It's here one moment and the next you're laying on the couch in the fetal position watching a replay of the 1993 fight between George Foreman and Tommy Morrison. I think Morrison is ahead on points, but he tends to fade after the sixth round (as of 1993).

First Ann Coulter broke my heart and now Kerri Strug. I thought this was the one. But alas, love may never find my whatever it's supposed to find. Yet another luvincidence that turned out to be just a mirage. In the meantime I'll just reenact Randolph Childress' basketball career. At a summer camp, we had the choice of getting either Childress' autograph or that of Tim Duncan when he was a senior at Wake Forest. I chose Randolph Childress and I'd do it again if I could. That's the type of guy, you're missing Kerri Strug. Goodbye forever.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A Luvincidence

Last Friday, I wrote about my love for former Olympic gold medalist Kerri Strug. I really have no idea why this love surfaced now, 10 years after her courageous vault that gave the Americans the team gold in gymnastics. I guess it stemmed from selecting her in the 16th round of the Jew draft.

Later Friday night I saw a promo for SportsNite on Comcast Sportsnet (midatlantic edition). "On Monday's show, we'll have... Kerri Strug. Join us at 7pm." Holy shit, it's a sign!!!

I've had another "luvincidence" before. In the spring of 2005, I took a break from studying to watch Ann Coulter berate liberal professor Ward Churchill. I looked down and to my surprise, the book I was reading was Agents of Repression by Ward Churchill. Annn Coulter has since broken my heart. I never thought I'd recover, but I've since pulled it together. I'm able to love again.

I'm so excited. Maybe Kerri Strug will declare her love for me on nat- well, local television. I think that's almost a certainty. That just goes to show ya, in life, one moment you think you're out and the next, things are looking bright.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sports Update: Race, Rematch, and Redemption

I've been shocked at the hypocrisy of sports writers when talking about NFL quarterbacks. Everyone agrees that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are the current cream of the crop at position. I agree. But, you have to put Donovan McNabb in that class too. Manning is the great passer (the Marino- I hate Marino with a passion), Brady is the winner (the Montana), and McNabb is the guy who can make the impossible happen (the Elway). McNabb is a better winner than Peyton Manning has been and is probably a better passer than Brady, but he gets such little comparative credit, it's astounding. Sports writers are just not used to talking about "the black quarterback." McNabb is really the head of the first wave of black people at that position. Black men weren't considered to have the mental capacity to play quarterback in the NFL until 10 years ago. A lot of sports writers are clouded by this type of racism.

Michael Vick is a victim of the same unfair criticism. He's not a great quarterback, but he's a damn good one. However, he's treated like a little child with questions like, "Can he ever be a true NFL quarterback?" Sure he can run fast, but he can also throw a fucking football, and read a damn defense. White quarterbacks have run with the ball since the game began and have never had to put up with this bullshit. How about getting Vick some wide receivers who can catch the ball and we'll see how good he can be.

The only white quarterback that I've ever seen receive the same amount of unnecessary criticism is Jake Plummer. I really have no idea why every sports writer in America has a vendetta against him. He has brought his team from behind so many times. Yes, he's inconsistent, but that's not a reason to hate him. Plummer has never gotten the credit that he deserved throughout his NFL career.
Michigan is the second best college football team in America. They have one loss to the best team in the country AT Ohio State by 3 points. They deserve to play Ohio State again for the national championship. And that's the game I want to see! I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to see a rematch of a game that was great the first time around. And this go-round it's at a neutral site for all the marbles.

And can we have a playoffs in college football already? I don't follow the sport because of this type of corruption.
This is the 7th year that my undergrad school, Goucher College, and the men's basketball team, traveled to the gym of our rival Catholic. We’ve never won in their place in that time. Catholic, again, got off to a 5-0 start, we were 2-3. As usual, we hung in the game during the first half. Down 7 with time running out, we missed a long three pointer. Catholic got the ball and threw it up from behind the half court stripe with time running out. The ball went in. The Goucher players simply stood there in astonishment. The jaws of the Goucher faithful fell to the floor. All that scrappy play in the first half, wiped away; we were down 10 at the half.

We tried to charge up the team at the outset of the second half, but the guys came out flat. The lead ballooned up to 16. Things looked bleak for the first road win against those fuckers at Catholic. We made a bit of a run, thanks to a propeller-style defense. The points began to come slowly. Then, our best player Pierre, fouled out. He had been having a nightmarish game to that point. He was out of the game, but led the cheers, and the team didn't miss a beat. We soared passed Catholic and their douchebag fans. Damn, they're so douchebaggy and arrogant. And there was nothing Catholic could do about it. Our players celebrated on the floor and the loyal Goucher supporters, filled with elation, felt the desire to piss all over their fucking logo at center court.

Friday, December 01, 2006

The Pain of Love

A few months ago, I wrote an open love letter to Kerri Strug (who is on my Jew team) . I have yet to hear from her.

It's painful indeed. Every day is filled with sadness. I was hoping that by this point she would be using my body like a hirsute balance beam (or more accurately: like a hirsute pair of uneven bars- Wait, what? What the fuck does that mean?), but alas nothing.

I'm not sure why she hasn't answered my declaration of love? Is it because I'm too attractive? Or maybe, too intelligent? Do women not like guys with a great sense of humor? Is it because she doesn't read the blog? I thought everyone read the blog, especially Kerri Strug.

Right now I'm reeling. There are more questions than answers. I feel like Mark Foley, down, out, humiliated, and very turned on by young boys. Ok, so I don't feel entirely like Mark Foley, but you get the picture; shit is bleak.

Kerri, honey, sweetie, my love, my world, how 'bout giving me a call and maybe we'll catch a movie or something. Sound good?
No? Well I tried.