Sentence Comes Up Short

Richard Thompson of Lincoln, Nebraska was convicted of fucking a child and will serve no jail time. At 5'1", he was deemed too short for jail.

Now, I know this will upset a lot of people. The "anti-child fucking gestapo" will be up in arms over this sentence. But clearly you only have empathy for the so-called victim. What about the short child fucker? Suddenly, your compassion has dried up faster than the beer tap at the White House.

You have no idea what this means for short men. We can run amuck with no concern for consequence. That's pretty fucking awesome. I'm not really into the whole child fucking scene, but I can think of illegal things to do. In fact, I'm gonna go illegally download some music. Oh your honor, I'm too short to pay the fine. Score the basket!

Now, I'm not nearly as short as Mr. Thompson.

All of the sudden some big fancy ACLU lawyer says that she's never heard of this before and it's ridiculous. But the ACLU should be stopped. Conservatives, you can't back down now, otherwise, aren't you flip-flopping on the whole hating the ACLU issue? Yes, you are.

Finally there is justice for the short man. We've earned the freedom that we so desperately sought. The freedom to fuck little children. I mean, it's not really a freedom that I really want, but, still, I understand freedom to be pretty great.