Saturday, August 29, 2015

20 Minutes in the Life

Last week I was teaching at an academic summer camp. I had a 7 year old student who wasn't the strongest speller. I read her essay phonetically and it sounded very funny to the other students. No one was laughing harder than the little author, who giggled so much, she peed in her pants. She demanded that I call her parents and have them pick her up. Of course, there were only five minutes left of class and her grandmother was habitually early.

On my way home from class, I stopped at 7-11. I was waiting in line when a metro bus driver sauntered to the front of the line. "Excuse me, sir. I'm in line," I declared. Most people would apologize sheepishly and get to the back of the line.

"I didn't know what you were doing. Maybe you were playing the lottery," the man said a little too curtly for my liking. "This is where the line starts," I said incredulously. The man got behind me and began muttering, "The line is the line." I wanted say, "yeah, the line is the line. The line isn't where you think the line should be," but instead I just chuckled to myself at his inability to understand societal norms.

I got in my car and and turned out of the 7-11. A middle aged woman decided that she should cut a turn and nearly rammed into me head first even though I was all the way on my side of the road. Then she gave me a dirty look as if I had come out of nowhere. I only appeared like I came out of nowhere because that heifer wasn't looking where she was going!

Today, my wife and I bought a house. At the settlement company- a well renowned settlement company- they offered us beverages. I asked for orange juice. The expiration date on the juice was August 13, 2015!