Thursday, May 31, 2012

Reggie Miller is an Awful Announcer

I have no idea why Reggie Miller has joined Marv Albert and Steve Kerr for the Western Conference Finals. Miller is a horrible announcer. Here's my take on Reggie Miller's terrible performance during a previous playoff game.

Miller never says anything of substance. Instead, he slowly makes either obvious or inane statements and ridiculously emphasizes each word as if he's actually saying something important. He also has an annoying habit of saying things such as, "If you're Scott Brooks, you have to be happy." First of all, I'm not Scott Brooks. Second of all, why doesn't he just say, "Scott Brooks has to be happy."

After Kendrick Perkins glared over at the trio of announcers, Miller said, "And that's the problem with coaching vs. criticism." I'm not really sure what he's talking about. There's no problem between coaching and criticism. Some players don't react well to the criticism that is necessary to give in order to coach, but Marv Albert, Steve Kerr, and Reggie Miller are not coaches. I think he meant, "Kendrick Perkins doesn't react well to criticism."

"It's that up-and-under clearing space that Kevin Durant picks up that foul." Miller meant to say, "Kevin Durant picked up a foul clearing space with that up-and-under move."

A flagrant foul was called against Sefolosha after he hit Ginobili in the face. Miller then exclaimed, "Why? Why are they booing?" Steve Kerr responded, "Because it's the home crowd. They're not objective, Reggie."

After a makeup call against Splitter, Miller said, "It's funny how things seems to find a way to make themselves out." Kerr corrected him, "Even things out."

After Kerr mentioned that the Spurs only had 6 points in the paint through the first 22 minutes of the game, Miller retorted, "More importantly, that's only 5 shot attempts by Tony Parker." The limited number of points in the paint was the more important point, OKC led 26-6 at the time. But, even if it wasn't, why would he try to embarrass his partner? Petty.

And that was only from the first half of Game. I thankfully managed to tune him out during the second half.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Cory Booker

Every time I see or hear Cory Booker, the mayor of Newark, I'm more and more impressed. On Meet the Press last Sunday, he seemed to be the lone voice in America willing to call out his own party. He called the Obama campaign's ad attacking Mitt Romney's previous professional experience "nauseating."

Having watched the ad, I agreed. I also found the campaign's bin Laden ad, implying that Romney wouldn't have had the courage to kill the world's most wanted man, to be in poor taste as well.

I thought Booker's comments were not only honest and accurate, but would ultimately help the campaign. The Obama campaign doesn't need to go unnecessarily negative to win the election. They can go two routes effective routes. 1) Clarify and explain President Obama's achievements during his first term. 2) Simply play clips of Governor Romney contradicting himself or making radically far right statements (those clips can be left in context). Election won.

Instead, Democrats have killed Booker for his comments. Have we become so partisan that a member of a party can't make one simple criticism? We get the leaders we deserve. We say we don't want negative ads. We say we want substance. Yet when a someone calls out negative ads in their own party and begins to talk about issues of substance, he's thrown under the bus.

Let me be clear, Republicans are just as guilty as Democrats here. Both parties want their members to stay "on message" or face the consequences. Jon Stewart does a great job on The Daily Show of putting clips together where members of the same party spout the same inane gibberish.

Later in the election cycle, when we all complain about how the candidates are merely attacking one another and not talking about anything real, let us remember this moment.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Russell Westbrook

The common perception of Russell Westbrook is that he was a pillar of athleticism and possessed unlimited potential in the wake of the Oklahoma City Thunder's first round exit in the 2010 Playoffs. But he became a selfish, shot-happy player in the 2011 NBA Playoffs and that has carried over to this season.

Westbrook's career doesn't resemble the perception stated above. In reality, he has consistently gotten better each season of his career. His field goal attempts per game have gradually increased each of his first four years in the NBA, but so has his field goal percentage. He averaged 1.14 points per FGA in '09-'10. He's averaged over 1.2 points per FGA in the next two regular seasons (and 1.18 points per FGA in the '11 playoffs). His points per game have increased each year in the league and he's scored over 20 ppg in the three playoff campaigns in which he's played.

The problem with Westbrook during the 2011 playoffs wasn't that he shot too much. The problem was he took too many bad shots. There were too many possessions where he was the only one who touched the ball and he wasn't able to get an open shot. His 39.4% field goal shooting that postseason shows the poor shots he's was taking. His assists per game during the '11 playoffs were actually higher than in '10. He's having a great postseason this year, but he gets two fewer apg during the '12 playoffs than he did during the '11 version.

In fact, he averaged three fewer assists per game during the this regular season than he did during last season. But that isn't an indication that he has become a more selfish player. it shows his shifting role on the Thunder. In 2010-11, Westbrook averaged 8.2 apg, Durant 2.7, and Harden 2.1. That totals 13 apg from those three. This season. Westbrook averaged 5.5, Durant 3.5, Harden 3.7. That totals 12.7, almost the same amount as last season. So, it's merely a case the role of initiating the offense has spread out between those three.

Westbrook doesn't have the court vision or passing ability of Paul, Parker, or Rondo. But remember, he played off the ball in college and he's been a pro for only four seasons. His field goal percentage, scoring average, and team's win percentage have improved each of his professional seasons. And he's only 23 years old.

He hasn't missed a game during his career, is a highlight waiting to happen, and will simply continue to get better for years to come. I'd rate the other star point guards ahead of him at this point, but they're all older than he is. He's not yet a top ten player, but he will be soon. I'd bet it won't take more than two or three years.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tony Parker

Tony Parker is starting to get the recognition he deserves. He has made four all star games, finished in the top 10 in MVP voting three times, and won the 2007 NBA Finals MVP. But he still is not quite rated with the top point guards in the league. He most certainly should be.

I rated Parker as the 7th best player in 2008, the first year we made the top ten list and the 6th best in 2009. He had a down year due to injury in 2010 and it has taken him until this year (forthcoming) to crack my top ten list once again. But few people have agreed with my high ranking of Parker throughout the years. In 2008, when I said Parker would be the fifth player in the entire NBA I'd choose to start a franchise, I was criticized by friends because they said he was too old. They didn't believe me when I told them he was only 25 years old.

That is Parker in a nutshell. For the past five years he has possessed the perfect combination of experience and youth. But people always think he's older than he actually is. There are a number of other misconceptions about Parker.

Parker is the best finishing point guard around the basket in the league. Most consider Rose, Westbrook, or Rondo as such and rarely do you hear Parker even mentioned with them. Those three have highlight finishes whereas Parker tends to utilize his elegant floaters around the cup. But make no mistake, the ease and grace with which he enters the lane and the frequency with which he scores around the basket cannot be matched by any point guard in today's game.

Parker is the most efficient of the great point guards in the league. Parker has four seasons shooting over 50% in his career. Take Rondo (2), Williams (1), Paul (1), Rose, and Westbrook, who have a combined four seasons of shooting over 50% from the field. Parker leads these players in career field goal percentage and averages fewer turnovers per game than all of them except Paul (they average the same number).

Parker is at least as good as Rondo at understanding the pace of the game, though he's never mentioned in that vain. Parker knows when it's time to run and when it's time to slow things down. He knows when he needs to score (as during the entire 2008-09 campaign when he averaged 22 ppg) and when he needs to get others involved. His assist numbers are lower than some of the other star point guards because, simply put, he doesn't hog the ball in the same fashion. If the NBA counted assists as they do in the NHL, Parker would surely be the only man of the six mentioned above whose averages would get a big jump.

In the playoffs, his scoring numbers rise, as he takes on more responsibility. He has averaged over 20 ppg in four postseasons, including averaging 28.6 in the '09 playoffs when his star teammates were banged up. None of the other five star point guards have averaged as much in a postseason.

One reason Parker is underrated is his teammates. Tim Duncan is arguably a top ten player of all time and indisputably a top twenty player of all time. Manu Ginobili is a good player, but in my estimation is given more credit than he deserves partly because of his international success and partly because he plays flashier and makes the highlight reels more often than does Parker. Some even consider Ginobili a better point guard or playmaker than Parker. Parker's assist to turnover ratio however is better than Ginobili's (2.36-1.86).

So Parker has been drastically underrated throughout his career. He is easily one of the best point guards of this generation. Right now, I would still rank him behind Paul and a healthy Rose, but ahead of Williams, Westbrook, and Rondo. Hopefully, Parker will take his rightful place and be mentioned with the other great point guards of today.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Good & Plenty

My fellow citizens, I am here to report my Good & Plenty findings. As you recall, studies have shown the smell of the candy Good & Plenty makes women 40% more sexually aroused than normal. So, I decided to give it a try because I was tired of raping.

I encountered a problem right away. How do I keep the smell of Good & Plenty on me? Plus, was the candy-coated shell responsible for the increase in sexual arousal or the underlying licorice?

I tried rubbing some pellets all over me and then heading out for a night on the town, but women were repulsed by me. I carried a handful with me, but they kept slipping out of my grasp and women tended to think I was holding a bunch of rufis. Next, I decided to stick some Good & Plenty in my pocket, but the heat in our great nation at this time of year is unbearable. The candy melted in my pocket, ruining my pants.

Next, I decided to tape pellets of Good & Plenty to my body. It actually worked! I managed to convince a woman to come back to my palace. But when I took off my shirt, she was pretty freaked out at the sight of white and purple capsules taped to my body and she left. For the next half hour, I was in complete agony every time I ripped off the tape from my hirsute body.

In a last ditch effort to make use of this sexual knowledge, I decided to keep a few Good & Plenty in my mouth. But the taste was so terrible, I started violently retching all over the women near me.

So, alas, I'm back to raping people. Or as we euphemistically call it " engaging in unwitting sexual relations."

Today's decrees
The ban on the sale of Good & Plenty has been lifted. Knock yourselves out. Just don't eat that shit.

Guys who wear muscle shirts before they get the muscles will have their skin ripped off their bodies.

Tomorrow will be a national day of morning for my valiant opposition in this year's presidential election. Coincidentally, all have died since announcing their presidential challenge. Here's to you Betty Buxom, Oboto Chiluba, Willard Newton, and Ronna Paulo.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Charles Oakley List

This is a top 10 list of the best Charles Oakley-like players. It consists of hustle guys, defenders, and glue guys. Last year's ranking were posted on May 24, 2011. (H stands for Honorable Mention last year.)

# David (PR) - Mike (Previous Rank)
1. Marion (NR) - Noah (1)
2. T. Chandler (2) - T. Chandler (2)
3. Noah (6) - T. Allen (4)
4. Battier (1) - Marion (NR)
5. T. Allen (4) - Ibaka (3)
6. A. Bradley (NR) - T. Gibson (H)
7. Perkins (NR) - Battier (8)
8. T. Gibson (NR) - Gr. Hill (7)
9. Faried (NR) - N. Collison (H)
10. Shumpert (NR) - Shumpert (NR)

Honorable mentions:
David: N. Collison (7), Sefolosha (8), T. Young (9), R. Evans (NR).
Mike: A. Bradley (NR), T. Young (NR), D. Green (NR), Fields (NR).

Friday, May 18, 2012

Boxing and Gay Marriage

The two best boxers in the world have made there feelings heard on the issue of gay marriage. Floyd Mayweather is for it. Manny Pacquiao is against. But they do agree on something. Misogyny.

Mayweather will be serving jail time for assaulting the mother of his children beginning June 1. Pacquiao is an admitted adulterer.

Mayweather plead guilty to hitting a woman. That cannot be excused or forgiven and should be condemned. it's a pretty cut and dry case.

Pacquiao's is more nuanced. He is against gay marriage because of his religion. When asked his opinion, he turned to an anti-gay page in the bible calling for gays to be put to death. Yet, he recently admitted to gambling and womanizing. So, he doesn't live according to his own morality and yet has the audacity to try to impose his version of morality on others.

It's one thing if Pacquiao won't attend a gay wedding because of his own personal beliefs. But to believe that others should not get married because of their sexual preference is crossing the line. That he has lived immorality makes his offense even greater.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Strasburg brings the Schlemazel

Yesterday, I went to the Nats game. Not only did I get drenched when it poured, but I also got sunburned. That's a rare combination. On top of that, Strasburg pitched terribly because the rain allegedly spread icy hot to a place on the body it doesn't belong.

My experience trying to see Steven Strasburg live has not been good. The first time was the Miss Iowa game, when Strasburg was scratched late in favor of Miguel Batista. Then, I saw his last start of 2011, which has been his worst start thus far. Yesterday was his second worst.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mug Shot from Florida

Broward County, Florida, 2011. Mug shot of James Way.

When life gives you lemons...

"It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day."

The movie Happy Gilmore informs his life. He just went to his "happy place."

"I'm going to eat your children."

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Woodson Should Be Hired Full-time

Mike Woodson should remain as the Knicks' head coach and his interim title should be removed. The Knicks were 18-24 before he took over. They were 18-6 under his supervision. The Knicks dealt with injuries before he took over and after. It was his coaching method that led to the team's success. The Knicks played much better defense when Woodson was the head coach. They still need to share the ball more, but with a full training camp, that should be accomplished.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Does Obama Really Support Gay Marriage?

I understand the symbolism of President Obama's statement in favor of gay marriage, but his current position is illogical. He's personally for gay marriage, but (somehow) is against making it federal law. He says it should be up to the states. So nothing changes.

His position is completely politically motivated. A WSJ/NBC poll has it at 49-40% in support for gay marriage in America, so he comes out for it, but Obama doesn't want to lose states that are against it in November, so he comes up with this irrational position.

His stance also helps with the youth vote. Right now, 18-35 years are not nearly as excited about President Obama as they were heading into the 2008 election. That age group overwhelmingly supports gay marriage.

I'm glad that society has reached the point where it's politically expedient to come out for gay marriage, but it was not a courage statement. If anything, Vice President Biden's comments on Meet the Press put pressure on President Obama to come out in support of gay marriage. If one of them can be called courageous on this issue, it's Joe Biden.

While his position change, coupled with his policy remaining the same, makes for smart politics, it makes for bad governance. His policy lends itself to the potentiality of having 50 different definitions of marriage. It also allows some states to discriminate and withhold the rights of citizens based on sexual preference. That is a dysfunctional policy.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Reggie Miller is a Terrible Announcer

When not making trite statements or asinine points, Reggie Miller is using the wrong preposition and simply making a mess of a sentence. There are many good NBA analysts on the national networks, but Reggie Miller is not one. I'm no LeBron James fan, but Miller's attack of James a few days ago was unfair and utterly stupid. Miller killed LeBron for having the humility and the wisdom to ask other NBA legends about what it takes to win a championship.

Below is a collection of stupid remarks made by Miller during some of Game 5 of the Hawks-Celtics series (I didn't watch the entire game). It wasn't his worst game by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it was one of his better games as an announcer. He still did a terrible job.

In explaining that a certain injury is bad some days and better others, Miller said, "It's trial by error." He meant "trial by fire." He likely didn't mean, "trial and error."

"Atlanta should be fortunate they're only down eight here." They either "are fortunate" or "should feel fortunate."

"You see his two field goals, they've all been..." He meant, they've "both" been...

About Paul Pierce's knee, "He's really dragging it a little bit." He's either "really dragging it" or he's "dragging it a little bit." It can't be both.

"Horford is doing big boy things out here for the Hawks." This inane comment came right after Miller described Horford as "a man."

"A nice little throw away there from Rondo for Hollins." Maybe he should have said, "Nice alley oop by Rondo to Hollins."

"Now he's back to which we all know Kevin Garnett, the four position." I think Garnett was shifted back to power forward.

"How do you leave Paul Pierce wide open for a contested three?" He's either wide open or the shot was contested.

Referring to Horford's injury as a "pectorial" injury. It's a pectoral injury. This one is excusable because Reggie Miller is not a doctor... or a person who can pronounce English words correctly.

Friday, May 04, 2012


This SUV was tailgating me in the neighborhood. It swerved, consuming my driver-side mirror. I pulled over and it zoomed past me. I made a split second decision to follow it.

All day long I had been trying to focus on feeling love for everyone. I meandered around the outdoor shopping center looking hard at people, attempting to see their inner light. I reminded myself that to love others, I have to love myself. To love myself, I told myself that everything will work out the way it's supposed. By believing everything will always work out the way it's intended, I won't beat myself up for things that I perceive to be bad. Then, I will be able to feel good about myself and my actions and give love to perfect strangers.

The SUV turned right into a street without an outlet. The SUV turned left into a driveway. I stopped my car with the window open, waiting for the driver to get out. He did. He was a 30-something round Asian man. he wore a baggy plain gray t-shirt, khaki shorts, and flip flops. "Excuse me, sir. Why were you tailgating me back there?" I asked in an aggravated tone.

"Dude, I wasn't tailgating you," he replied as he hesitantly sauntered over to my car.
"Yes you were! You were on top of me! You were tailgating me and..." just then, a small child hopped out of the back seat, "...AND YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH YOU!" I yelled in utter disbelief.

"I didn't want to say this, but you pulled out right in front of the car in front of you," He said. We were both shaking from a mixture of anger and nerves.
"Huh? I can't believe you were tailgating me with a child in your car!"
"I wasn't tailgating, dude. You slowed down in front of the car in front of you."

"You made a left turn back there, right?" I had. I told him so. "The car in front of you had to slow down.I had enough room, but the car in front of you had to slow down."
"There was no car in front of me." I decided to try to understand what he was saying. "You were over here." I showed him with my right hand, my fingers heading left. "There was a car over here, coming this way." It was headed in the opposite direction. I used my left hand and moved it right. "I made a left."

"Yes. I saw the car other car break. You jumped out right in front of it."
"How could you see that car brake? You were coming from the other direction. You couldn't see that," I scoffed.
"I saw it slowdown."
"You couldn't have seen that. I love how you're trying to change the subject." My voice rose. "The issue is you were driving with a child and fucking tailgating me!"
"Hey, don't use that language in front of him."

I instantly felt bad for doing so. I was caught up in the moment and upset. But, I answered, "That's not as bad as tailgating. That's dangerous. If I stop, BAM!" I showed him a crash with my two hands. "That's dangerous. You put that child in danger. You put that child in danger!"

And that seemed like a good moment to stop the conversation.

Later, while walking in the park, I thought, 'That was a ridiculous conversation that didn't need to happen."

Or did it?

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

The Candy Cure

My fellow citizens, my Minister of Women has notified me of a new effective aphrodisiac. He told me that I can actually entice women to make love to me willingly. I was so astonished; I couldn't image having sex without having to rape, the two seemed like an indivisible married couple. He said that studies have shown the smell of the candy Good & Plenty makes women 40% more sexually aroused than normal.

I was flabbergasted. I though the dream of a woman willingly engaging in the act of making love with me was something that only happened in romance novels and to other people. Who knew it could also happen to the wealthiest and most powerful man in his country?

Today's decrees
The purchase or use of the candy Good & Plenty is now outlawed.

Tomorrow is Lady's Night in our country. I hereby decree all females to get their booties on the dance floor.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Knicks Fan Hurt Hand Punching Glass

After hearing that Knicks forward Amar'e Stoudemire injured his hand punching glass casing in anger after the team's ten-point Game 2 loss yesterday, a Knicks fan- yours truly- was so angry at Stoudemire's actions that he also punched some glass, badly wounding his hand.

Only one of the two hand injuries will negatively affect the Knicks' playoff chances this season.

What makes Stoudemire's injury worse is that he is Jewish. It's the most shameful act by a Jew since Bernie Madoff's pyramid scam.

"I've been a Knicks fan all my life. When it turned out that Amar'e has Jewish heritage, it made me an even bigger fan of his. It was great. A Jew on the Knicks! And now this. It's embarrassing," said New York Knicks fan, me.

Amar'e Stoudemire could not be reached for comment, mostly because I don't even want to speak with him right now.