Monday, March 31, 2008

Evil Leaders League, Semis 2nd Leg

The Evil Leaders League playoffs is heating up and is more exciting than March Madness. At least we don't have all one seeds in the Final Four. The official ELL site is here, along with extra features. Let's see who made the finals.

Ahmadinejad vs Musharraf
Recently, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claimed that his trip to Baghdad was more harrowing than was his actual experience. Ahmadinejad said, "We landed under sniper fire and had to run with our heads down." He was sure that the planned greeting ceremony for his historic arrival in Iraq did not materialize under those conditions. Unfortunately for Ahmadinejad, video tape of the visit surfaced. It clearly showed that Ahmadinejad was welcomed with open arms by the Iraqis. The President of Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf, has had an evil season, defying the constitution at every opportunity. But his party lost parliamentary elections. His opponents were recently sworn in causing Musharraf to do a bit of swearing himself. My dear sweet mother has always said that swearing is evil. In fact she says, "Don't you ever say another fucking bad word again, you asshole."
2nd leg winner: Musharraf by 6
winner overall: Ahmadinejad by 39

al-Bashir vs Kim
Sundanese head honcho, Omar al-Bashir has initiated a new advertising campaign to stimulate tourism in the genocide-filled region of Darfur. With a pleasant smile, al-Bashir states in the ad, "Come to Darfur. There are many activities to engage in the region. There's plenty of space due to our low population density. Darfuris are known for their hospitality; you can stay in their house and they'll clear out for your comfort. So bring your family and come to Darfur! There's a chance you won't be raped and killed."

North Korea's ferocious leader is named Kim Jong-Il. Coincidently his favorite dish is fried eel. He has become increasingly defiant in the face of the United States and has stepped up threats against South Korea. North Korea taunted its southern neighbors saying that it would fire bombs reducing the nation to ashes. Hey South Korean president Lee Myung Bak, how has your harsh stance against North Korea been going lately? It reminds me of the time I smacked a bee hive with a baseball bat. Who knew a bee could get its stinger in my penis hole? Impressive.
2nd leg winner: Kim by 7
overall winner: Kim by 3

Sunday, March 30, 2008

More Famous People

On our way to Jacksonville, Florida for my cousin's wedding, we saw Patch Adams in the airport in DC. He was dressed in bright colorful clothes designed to draw attention and a thick mustache. We didn't say anything to him.

It reminded me of another famous person my family has seen. No, not Sargent Shriver, although we've seen him. In fact he came to our house campaigning for his son many years ago. Patch Adams reminded me of the Question Mark Guy, Matthew Lesko. I'm sure that's an insult to Patch Adams, I apologize. I saw Lesko in his question mark car driving into the parking lot of a Panera Bread and my brother saw him chilling in Borders reading a magazine. My brother said that he doesn't like to be approached. But he wears a colorful uniform with question marks all over it! His outfit invites attention, how can he get upset when people approach him? That's ridiculous.

I don't know if Patch Adams would've been upset had we talked to him. I don't want to give the wrong impression of him. But I still think driving by Spiro Agnew's son on Route 66 is, and will always be, the highlight of my life.

Friday, March 28, 2008

VP 72

Driving on my way home from work on Route 66, I saw a personalized license plate that read "VP 72."

My first thought was, "Sargent Shriver?" He had run for Vice President in 1972. But knowing his current condition and public persona, it didn't make much sense, particularly because he was on the losing ticket.

Perhaps it was Spiro Agnew, who was Vice President in 1972. But I was pretty sure Spiro Agnew was dead. I drove by the car and got a good look at the man. He had a distinguished, weathered looking face with a tamed shock of white hair.

When I got home, I looked up information on Spiro Agnew. He has been dead for years, but the man in the car very much resembled the picture of Spiro Agnew that I saw. I learned that Agnew had a son named Randy, who would be in his 60s, well within the plausible age range of the man in the "VP 72" car.

So it is quite possible that I drove past Spiro Agnew's son, which, if true, would be the highlight of my life to this point and probably from here on out. But several questions remain. Spiro Agnew was elected Vice President in 1968. Why would Randy single out his father's second election? Perhaps his sister had dibs on "VP 68." Why would he choose his father's victory to display on his license plate? His father resigned in disgrace just a year later, was it an act of irony on Randy's part? Also, why was he driving so slowly in the second to left lane? Move over, buddy. Sheesh.

A less-likely possibility is that Vladimir Putin was driving the car. Born in 1952, it's possible that he graduated college in 1972 and he feels that accomplishment is most worthy of memorializing on a license plate. But the man in the car didn't look like Putin, except that they are both white. Putin's grandfather was named Spiridon and his nickname could very well have been Spiro. Coincidence? Almost certainly. Spiridon Putin was allegedly Joseph Stalin's personal cook.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Myspace Experiment

For the past month, I've message women on the Myspace. It was an abject failure. Of the about 35 women that I messaged, only 4 messaged me back, including the Irina from Ukraine scam. The three (probably real) women who messaged me back all did so in the last week.

I tried being a nice guy, I tried being an asshole, cheesy pick up lines, and deep thoughts. I messaged local and international women. None of it really worked. Osama bin Laden has better luck with women than I do. Perhaps that last sentence shouldn't be my go-to pick up line, maybe that's the problem.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Jew on Arabs

An acquaintance, who is a Jew, saw my away message on AIM and then wrote me. Here's the brief conversation:

Anonymous: that asshole probably threw rocks too
My away message: "If you throw a rock you will maybe hit one person and injure him, but if you throw words on the microphone you will touch all the hearts." Tamer Nafar (Arab-Israeli emcee)
Anonymous: fuck him
My response (a bit later): hey c'mon now. it's a pretty innocuous, even peace-loving, comment. he's saying words are more powerful than violence

It's not a good sign when we as Jews can't even listen to a remark like Tamer Nafar's without resorting to blind anger. We must listen to people from other races and religions. We must WANT to unite and achieve peace. We must try to see the good in others. And we must confront our own when they stray from the basic logic and reason.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Redeeming Idiocy

Old Dominion was the 5 seed; Virginia was the 4. But for some reason the NCAA tournament game was being played on ODU's homecourt.

ODU had a three-point lead with time running out. Virginia tried to get a quick two and foul to keep the game going. Instead, Virginia missed. They got the ball back, but time was running low. They had to kick the ball out and attempt a three.

They didn't. Instead, they shot and missed and grabbed the offensive rebound about 6 times. On the final shot, less than two seconds were on the clock. Virginia had stupidly blown the game by not going for three. Aisha Mohammad threw up a shot, from point blank range, that finally went in. The whistle blew. ODU had fouled Mohammad on the shot! With 1.4 seconds left, Mohammad had a chance to tie the game from the free throw line. Looking anxious, but focused, Mohammad, a 60% shooter from the line, put up her left-handed attempt and it went in. A clutch shot.

The entire episode was astonishing. None of the 10 players on the floor were aware of time and score. That's an indication of abhorrent coaching. The ODU players would've done better to run off of the floor instead of play defense at that moment. It might be the greatest amount of stupidity at one time that I've ever witnessed on a basketball court.

In overtime, ODU redeemed themselves. Jazzmin Walters, standing at 5'2", hit an amazing three-pointer from 25 feet away to take a three point lead with 4 seconds left. I was sure ODU would find away to steal defeat from the jaws of victory once more. Instead Tiffany Green blocked Lyndra Littles' three-point attempt to win the game.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Evil Leaders League, Semis 1st Leg

The Evil Leaders League has rolled into the playoffs, but not before we take care of some business at hand. Business such as: who are the participants? Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il tied for 4th place with 4-3 records. The winner goes into the playoffs to face two time defending champion Omar al-Bashir, while the loser will have to wait until next season.

Chavez vs Kim
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez has done well in this league by spouting his anti-American rhetoric and attempting to consolidate his power. But he still leads a democratic country. There have been critics of his policies and in some cases, Chavez has had to change his plans. Meanwhile, in North Korea Kim Jong-Il is the ultimate authority. Not even the military can stop him. And they have guns! If someone criticizes Kim's regime, the critic- in an ironic twist of fate- is fed to the dogs. The dogs appreciate the role reversal.
winner: Kim

Now on to the playoffs. The semifinals will consist of two legs, best aggregate score wins. The official Evil Leaders League site is here. There could very well be a poll and there is a collage of Vladimir Putin looking very sexy if you click on "Photos." Be sure to have Ginuwine's Pony handy and enjoy.

Musharraf vs Ahmadinejad
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has ties to the Taliban like Russian hookers have ties to Bob Balaban (the latter is unsubstantiated). Musharraf oversees a new opposition-led parliament. The new prime minister Yousuf Raza Gillani (Rudy Giuliani's more-successful long lost cousin) has reinstated judges that Musharraf suspended because they charged him with violating the constitution. Wait a second. A president who has provided aid to the Taliban, has dissention with the legislative branch, and has violated the constitution... that can't be evil, that sounds like America! Well done, Musharraf.

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain backs Musharraf, but he doesn't much like Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. McCain has accused Iran of training al Qaeda. Iran is mainly Shi'a while al Qaeda is Sunni. While those divisions do not innately mean conflict, that is the current reality. McCain was quickly reminded by supporters Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman that Iran hasn't trained al Qaeda. However, Pakistan has. Yet Musharraf comes out looking like Barney Fife while Ahmadinejad is the reincarnation of Hitler.
winner: Ahmadinejad by 45

Kim vs al-Bashir
North Korea's Kim Jong-Il may have used up all of his evilness getting to the playoffs. Don't underestimate evil fatigue. Kim has had to cancel his country's annual Spring festival because of a lack of cash. Being broke isn't evil, but sometimes it leads to evil acts, so we'll have to stay tuned. Omar al-Bashir leads Sudan. The Beijing Olympics are under seize by liberals over the issue of genocide in Darfur. Huh? Filling in the blank, China has strong economic ties with Sudan. One wonders if the U.S,. is pissed about China's relationship with Sudan because the Chinese usurped America's imperialist hopes. This whole talk marginalizes the role of Omar al-Bashir and makes him look like a pawn. Pawns are not evil, but those damn rooks are. Fuck you Gary Kasparov and your chess prowess. Anyway...
winner: al-Bashir by 4

Sunday, March 23, 2008

So Long Hibbert, Wallace, and Ewing

Georgetown lost today. Roy Hibbert, Jonathan Wallace, and Patrick Ewing have played their last college game.

Hibbert came to Georgetown with limited skill despite his 7'2" frame. He was mocked by opposing fans. In four year, Hibbert turned into a star and an NBA player. Jonathan Wallace followed his coach from Princeton to Georgetown and started every game possible throughout his college career. He was the leader on the floor for the Hoyas. Ewing was often attacked for being the son of a Hall of Fame player who shared his name, number, and college address. But none of that defined the younger Ewing. His game was more heart than talent, hard work as opposed to hand-me-down.

Not to take away anything from the amazing Stephen Curry and from Lovedale, but the game turned on three bad foul calls against Hibbert. His first and second fouls were pulled from thin air. His fourth followed suit. That changed the complexion of the game. It's a shame that the college game can't be officiated with more consistency.

To Hibbert, Wallace, and Ewing, best of luck in all of your endeavors.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Review of the 1st Round of the NCAA Tournament

If Thursday was the appetizer, Friday was the main course. Heavily favored Duke barely beat Belmont, but only because the 15 seeded Bruins made two horrid mistakes down the stretch. Gerald Henderson took the ball to the rim in the wake of some Belmont defense that must have been inspired by bullfighters and Renfro through the ball away on a terribly designed inbounds play with four seconds left.

Georgia gave it a good effort against Xavier, but faded at the end. Mississippi Valley State set a new record for fewest points in a tournament game guided by the shot clock. UCLA was responsible for that record. Kent State laid a first half egg against UNLV scoring just 10 points. Kansas State pulled an upset of sorts against USC.

The real action came the next day. Two 12 seeds will face two 13 seeds on Sunday. Both games will take place in Tampa. I thought Drake would have a tough test against Western Kentucky. Drake managed to come back from a deep margin and the game went into overtime. Earlier, I had read that Thomas Dewey gave a speech at Drake during his 1948 bid for the presidency. I didn't know if that was a good omen or perhaps a bad one because Dewey ultimate lost at the last second.

Western Kentucky committed a gaff that would've made a Hillary Clinton aid proud, fouling Drake with a difference of 12 seconds between the game clock and the shot clock and (the most important part) THE GAME TIED! Ty Rogers redeemed his teammate hitting a last second three-pointer with three Drake defenders surrounding him. The two teams combined for 200 points.

With their two top scorers out with fouls, San Diego somehow beat Connecticut. UCONN's A.J. Price went out with a knee injury, which handicapped his team. It was a stunning victory, but it will tough for San Diego to beat Western Kentucky if Brandon Johnson isn't 100% by Sunday. Sienna blasted Vanderbilt. On a personal note, I had a long streak of picking the MAAC team to upset and it never happened. I didn't pick it this time and it did. Villanova staged a stunning comeback to destroy my bracket.

Stephen Curry is a maestro out on the basketball court. He scored 40 and propelled his team to victory. Butler is really good. They destroyed an underrated South Alabama team in Alabama. Watch out Tennessee, who got a good game from American.

My bracket is busted and George Mason is out. Now the only reason to follow the tournament without falling into a deep depression is Georgetown, who didn't play particularly well against UMBC. I went 10-6 with my predictions on Thursday, which is awful. Today, I went 7-9, which is an all-time low. I can't really explain to you how bad that is. For round 1, I went 17-15, a historic low.

I picked the lower seed 9 times. The lower seed actually won 8 times. Only once did those two stats overlap- Davidson. I picked all four 8-9 games wrong. I only lost three Sweet 16 teams (one being GMU, I had them going very far obviously) until Clemson lost. I had them in the Elite 8. The door seems to have opened up for Kansas and UCLA, but you never know. I'm certainly not going to put both in the Elite 8 just yet.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Farewell Folarin and Will

I just want to thank Folarin Campbell and Will Thomas for all of their hard work at George Mason University.

Thomas, from Baltimore, put the team on his shoulders in his final game, but it wasn't enough. Campbell, from Silver Spring, played his worst game that I've even seen him play. Both players were integral parts of a historical Final Four team back in 2006. But that is not all I will remember them for. Each gave his heart to the team and for the fans. They carried themselves in a way that represented George Mason better than even the school's namesake could have dreamed. The NBA should give both of these men an opportunity to succeed. Whatever endeavor they decide to pursue, I wish Folarin Campbell and Will Thomas the best of luck.

In these two great players' final game, the Patriots need to defend the three and show patience on offense. They did neither. Thomas didn't have much help. Senior guard Jordan Carter played his finest game in sometime. I wish him well in the future. Freshman Isaiah Tate was a surprising bright spot as well. But both are marginal players. Mason led 7-6 and then gave up a 17-0 run that they never overcame.

Congratulations on a great season fellas.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

2008 NCAA Tournament Predictions

My prediction for the Final Four is UCONN, Stanford, UNC, and Tennessee. I know what your thinking, "That's impossible." No it isn't. That's my women's Final Four. Now, here are my predictions for the men, only upsets and other intresting games presented here:

First round
12 George Mason over 5 Notre Dame - If we can stop their perimeter game, I like out chances. Will Thomas is used to going up against bigger guys like Harangody. Harangody is not used to going up against someone like Thomas.
11 St. Joseph's over 6 Oklahoma - I'll act like an ESPN anaylst and say something inane like, "I think St. Joseph's has got enough here."
10 South Alabama over 7 Butler - Both teams are underrated and it's sad that they play in the first round. It's even sadder for Butler that the game is in Birmingham. Birmingham might not be in south Alabama, but it's probably middle Alabama.

9 Kent St. over 8 UNLV - This should be an entertaining game and it worries me a bit. But I the guy who I believe will put Kent St over the top is Quaintance, the defensive player of the year in the MAC. Mike Scott and Al Fisher give the Golden Flashes multiple options on offense.
6 USC over 11 Kansas State - The battle between Mayo and Beasley won't be that at all. They'll both have ggod games, but USC is more experienced, maiking the Sweet Sixteen last season, beating another freshman sensation in the process, Durant.
10 Davidson over 7 Gonzaga - Both teams are underrated, buthte game is in North Carolina. So is Davidson. Stephen Curry is an unbelievably exciting player. Watch him, if you can.

9 Oregon over 8 Mississippi St. - Oregon shouldn't have made the tournament, but their ability to hit the three should put them over the top.
11 Kentucky over 6 Marquette - I struggled over this one. I've watched Marquette and have been left unimpressed. I like that Kentucky has beaten the best teams in the SEC after a horrid start to the season.
10 St. Mary's over 7 Miami (Fl) - To be honest, this is all about mid-major solidarity.

14 Georgia over 3 Xavier - Georgia has been through the wars this season and mostly come up short. But their run through the SEC tournmanet was so inspiring. Maybe they'll keep the magic for one more game.

Thrilling 32
12 George Mason over 4 Washington St. - Mason's defense, which has hit high gear during the CAA tournament will carry us through this round.

9 Kent St over 1 Kansas - In a close game, who will Kansas count on to win it in the clutch? I don't know either. Kent St. will rely on Fisher and win the game.
5 Clemson over 4 Vanderbilt - Clemson inpressed me in the ACC tournament. I like their ability to shoot the three.

4 Pittsburgh over 5 Michigan St. - No upsets in the round in the South region. Pittsburgh is too tough to handle down low for most teams.

5 Drake over 4 UCONN - I struggled over this game. It's largely about mid-major solidarity, but also senior leadership.
6 Purdue over 14 Georgia - You'd think Georgia has to have a bad game sometime.
7 West Virginia over 2 Duke - West Virginia is underrated and Duke is overrated. Duke won't be able to stop Alexander.

Sweet 16
12 George Mason over 1 UNC - We beat the Tar Heels two years ago. UNC is better this time around, but someone like Thomas is just a tough matchup for Hansbrough.

5 Clemson over 9 Kent St. - No upsets in the Sweet 16 in this region, but in the words of ESPN analysts, "Clemson's just got too much for Kent St." whatever that means.

2 Texas over 3 Stanford - No upsets here either, but the game is in Houston, which I believe is in Texas. Stanford's 7' twins are inconsistant.

7 West Virginia over 6 Purdue - Bob Huggins has been here before and with a senior point guard in Nichols, West Virginia will advance.

Elite 8
12 George Mason over 2 Tennessee - Tennessee is largely a perimeter team (less so this year than last though). If they make shots they'll win, if they don't GMU wins. They won't.
2 Georgetown over 5 Clemson - The Hoyas are bigger, which doesn't mean much, except they'll also more talented and more disciplined than Clemson.
2 Texas over 1 Memphis - The game's in Texas, Memphis shoots poorly from the line, and other cliches. Is Augustine better than Rose? Does he have to be for Texas to win?
1 UCLA over 7 West Virginia - In a blowout. UCLA has a great starting five and seems to have all of the luck. You need luck to win this tournament.

Final 4
2 Georgetown over 12 George Mason - This was painful to think about. I love both teams. Mason can win if GMU plays the perfect game. But even if Hibbert gets into foul trouble, the Hoyas are still so deep and big. Sommers and Ewing, in addition to senior point guard Wallace could put them over the top here.
1 UCLA over 2 Texas - Let's use another bit of ESPN analysis here. Collison, Love, Westbrook, UCLA will win (just naming players and not saying anything).

2 Georgetown over 1 UCLA - Should be a good game. If you look above, you know I like experience. Particularly a star senior point guard and a star senior center. Howland ans Thomspon are two of the best coaches today. The Hoyas style sould dictate tempo and force UCLA to have to work for every basket.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Lifetime of Tragedies

Recently I was thinking about all of the tragedies that I remember in my lifetime.

In 1991, I was 9 years old. While walking to basketball practice, all of the dads were talking about the U.S. invasion of Iraq. Well, not all of the dads, my dad was already dead. Oh, and it was birthday.

In 1993, the FBI massacred the Branch Davidian cult in Waco, Texas. I didn't really understand what happened until years later. Did you know Tim McVeigh watched the assault live in person?

In 1995, Tim McVeigh set off a truck bomb in Oklahoma City, destroying a federal building and killing hundreds. I remember hearing about it as my friend's dad drove my friend and I home from baseball practice.

In 1998, al Qaeda bombed U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya, killing hundreds. But it wasn't on U.S. soil (well, technically it was), so it doesn't count. By year's end, the U.S. bombed Iraq and Afghanistan. Sound familiar?

In 1999, I watched on television as Columbine High School housed a massacre. In the coming weeks, my high school had a ton of bomb threats. Ah, youth.

On September 11, 2001, al Qaeda attacked the U.S., killing thousands. The night before, my friend and I got season tickets to watch Michael Jordan's return to the NBA. I was so happy. I spent the early morning hours of September 11 going for a walk in order to release my excitement. It was the first and only time I've ever gone for a walk because I was in a good mood.

In 2003, the U.S. invaded Iraq as a follow up to the war in Afghanistan. The war started on the first day of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, so I missed the first set of games because I was protesting. Bastards!

In 2005, Hurricane Katrina destroyed the Gulf Coast including New Orleans. I didn't follow the news about the hurricane until it hit, because I didn't trust the media. I thought they were overreacting to the situation. I guess I messed that up. I wasn't the only one.

In 2007, dozens were shot to death on the campus of Virginia Tech. Shortly after, I passed by the hometown of the shooter on my way to tutor a Korean student who had been victimized by racism because of the shooting.

What was the reason to get out of bed, again? I forgot.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Evil Leader's League, Week 7

We are looking into the possibility of the NCAA tournament committee screwing Butler with a 7 seed as a human rights violation. You can read more about that here. This is the last week of the ELL's third season. The top 4 evil-doers make the evil playoffs, while the bottom three will be relegated. The official ELL site is here. You might even get to vote in a poll if you're lucky. Let's check the results.

Mugabe vs Musharraf
Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe has been in power for a few decades. He began as a virulent voice for pan-Africanism. He has degenerated into a pillar of vitriol incompetent authoritarianism. That is the stuff of evil legend. But his time in the evil spotlight seems to be short. He is very old and his challengers are consistently gaining clout. His record in the ELL this season might not be good enough to return next time and all of that could end his run here. Mugabe is trying to make it work one last time by stuffing dead and non-existent people onto the voter roles before the upcoming election. It's an old trick that has been found out. Pakistani president, Pervez Musharraf, is in a bit of trouble. His parliament hates him and his powers are disappearing faster than an arctic iceberg. But his powerful position probably won't be seriously challenged for a little while.
winner: Musharraf

Kim vs al-Bashir
This would be a much needed victory for North Korea's Kim Jong-Il against an old and capable foe. Kim fears a potential coup from a general, so he stripped the military of its power. Bravo, Kim. Very evil. That's reminiscent of when Mao allowed 30 million people in rural China to die of starvation because their mere presence was counter-revolutionary. Ok, that's a bit of hyperbole fueled by present-day bias, but Kim is still pretty evil. Omar al-Bashir runs Sudan. He oversees a humanitarian crisis in the region of Darfur. A recent peace agreement meeting had to be delayed because al-Bashir had a headache. There are times when reality is far more bizarre, intriguing, ridiculous, and absurd than anything we could imagine. I only wish I was sardonic enough to have invented the fact that al-Bashir didn't attend a meeting to try and stop a genocide because he had a headache. However, while al-Bashir's actions are dickish, they're way too wimpy to be evil.
winner: Kim

Putin vs Chavez
Vladimir Putin is the president of Russia for the time being. He has softened on an American plan to build a missile defense system in eastern Europe, which Russia feels is threatening to their security. What is Putin doing? Diplomacy with the United States? Well buddy, you've just lost your spot in the ELL. See you in 2012 when you run for president again or maybe sooner if Dmitry Medvedev appoints you to be prime minister. Venezuela's Hugo Chavez is having problems creating his anti-U.S. Latin American alliance. But he's still evil. He called George W. Bush a terrorist and responsible for genocide. Exactly which group has Bush tried to extinguish? He didn't say. The accusation doesn't make sense. I thought maybe he was accusing Bush of genocide against terrorists. But Bush hasn't been effective on that front. His war in Iraq has created more terrorists. Plus (according to Chavez), Bush himself has become a terrorist. But evil leaders don't have to make sense.
winner: Chavez

Hu vs Ahmadinejad
Hu Jintao of China has an implicit role in the Darfuri genocide. He is squashing out protesters in Tibet. He leads a one-party government. He runs a country that could soon conquer the world. But no one cares. Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad probably said something crazy and threatening to a country that would destroy Iran if it decided to blink.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Mushar 5-2
al-Bash 5-2
Ahmad 5-2
Kim J-I 4-3
Chavez 4-3
Mugabe 2-5
Putin 2-5
Hu Jin 1-6

Monday, March 17, 2008

Ranking the Stans

Here's the first annual list ranking the "stan" countries.

1) Pakistan - The people there have had to deal with a political crisis for over a year now. They've also moved past a devastating earthquake a couple of years ago. That's all impressive. Plus I ate at a Pakistani restaurant after class through grad school. Delicious.
2) Afghanistan - These people have been in some kind of war for about 30 years. Their plight would be more apparent if the war in Iraq wasn't such a disaster. There president is an American puppet. How these people survive all of the war in a mountainous land is incredible. But the food is a little bland.
3) Uzbekistan - Their leader Islam Karimov boils people. Ok, he doesn't boil people, he has someone do it for him. Plus Samarkand is there, that's cool. I've had Uzbek food once; it was in India and it tasted like Indian food because the restaurant didn't know what it was doing.
4) Kazakhstan - Borat put this country on the map. Their lack of a sense of humor about it prevents them from going higher on the list. I don't know what Kazakhs eat, maybe rat balls?
5) Kyrgyzstan - I guess they call it the Switzerland of central Asia. I don't know if that's an insult or not.
6) Turkmenistan - Former leader Saparmurat Niyazov was crazy. He also looked like Wayne Newton. He is dead now.
7) Tajikistan - There are lots of Muslims there. Islam is an honorable religion.

Didn't make the list:
Hindustan, Hayastan - I speak English.
Kurdistan, Uyghuristan - Not countries as of now.
Stan Musial - Great baseball player, not a country.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Reaction to Men's NCAA Tourney Seeds

Yet again it's time to dust off the ole Circumcised Penis Index (CPI) to determine how the committee faired.

Someone hates Butler
The most glaring atrocity is Butler getting a #7 seed. My brother and I spent an hour yelling at each other over this injustice and we agreed! Butler was 29-3 and beat numerous big conference bubble teams. They lost to a very good Drake team and two of their conference's top teams, both on the road. They should have been much higher, maybe even a 4 seed.

Butler, South Alabama, Gonzaga, Davidson = Screwed
It was astounding that after all of the recent mid-major success, the teams in those conferences got screwed royally again. There were only six at large bids awarded to non-major conference teams. Butler's 7 seed is a tragedy, but they have to face a South Alabama team that was also underrated. So both teams are screwed. It doesn't help Butler that the game is in Alabama. Man, that makes me so angry. Gonzaga was also a 7 seed and they face Davidson who is a 10 seed. Both teams are underrated, particularly Davidson who has won 22 in row. There is no way Arkansas (9 seed), Texas A&M (9), Mississippi State (8), or Miami FL (7) would have gone 20-0 in the Southern Conference or 26-6 overall with Davidson's schedule. Three of those loses were to North Carolina (by 4), to Duke (by 6) and to UCLA (by 12). The sad thing for Gonzaga is they play in North Carolina, the home state of opponent Davidson.

Mid-major Blood Bath
There are so many games featuring mid-major teams, it must have been deliberate. I mentioned the two matchups above where I would be content if all teams were two seeds higher. UNLV meets Kent St. in an 8-9, and Drake plays Western Kentucky in a 5-12. If you've watched these teams, you know that they could beat a major conference team of the same seed as their opponent. Instead, the mid-majors will beat themselves up in the first round. I have thought of the possibility that this actually guarantees some mid-majors will be in the second round. But the mid-majors would win against power conference teams anyway. In addition, I'd move up all but Drake, who got a fair seed.

Up and Down
So who would I knock down a few seeds? UCONN down from a 4. Oklahoma down from a 6. Marquette down from a 6. Miami FL down from a 7. Mississippi St. down from an 8. Arkansas down from a 9. Who am I moving up besides those above? West Virginia up from a 7. St. Mary's up from a 10. Cal St. Fullerton up from a 14.

You're Out
There are some teams that I can't believe made it in. Villanova should not have made it. There is no way Arizona should have made it. They were 8-10 in the conference. VCU was 15-3 in their conference. It's true that the top of the Pac 10 is better than the top of the CAA and the bottom of the CAA is worse than the bottom of the Pac 10, but there is far more overlap than the major conferences would like to admit. Winning 7 more conference games than another team should count for something. Oregon also should not have made it. Baylor is the prime example of a team that shouldn't get in. Their only major non-conference win was against Notre Dame. They only beat Kansas State in the conference, stacking up wins against weaker Big 12 opponents. I'm not convinced Kansas St should be in either, but I digress. Baylor was 9-7 in the conference and 21-10 overall with only two wins of note. How is that better than a team with a much better record? The system is fixed against mid majors.

Kentucky has a terrible record but were 12-4 in conference. I can see a case for them to be in. But they should have gotten a worse seed than 11. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving an at large team a 13 or 14 seed if that's what they deserve.

Favorites and Locals
George Mason got a 12 seed and will face Notre Dame. If we can stop their perimeter game, I like our chances. The 12 seed is a bit disappointing, but we're in a good spot in the bracket. Kansas State got an 11 seed and we beat them, but of course that doesn't matter, that would make too much sense. Georgetown got a 2 seed. That's what the Hoyas deserve, but I don't like the potential second round matchup. It's either an underrated Gonzaga team or an underrated Davidson team near their home. I also don't like that DC area teams will face off early. Six area teams made it and Georgetown plays UMBC while Mount St. Mary's faces Coppin State in the opening round game. The other team is American.

Championship Week
Championship week was exciting as usual. I was very impressed by Georgia's run into the tournament. I don't believe teams with such a poor record should have the opportunity to play into the NCAA tournament, but I can't take anything away from Georgia's run, winning two games on Saturday, because of a tornado delay, and winning again today. Miami OH should be very proud of their season. They gave Kent State quite the scare in the MAC semifinal. Tim Pollitz left a little floater just a bit short at the end of the game that would have sent it into overtime. They dictated tempo against a very talented Kent State team and nearly pulled off the upset.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Swallow Our Pride

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's recent sex scandal is undoubtedly a hit for us Jews. Spitzer was becoming something of a Jewish hero, cracking down on financial corruption on Wall Street and prosecuting moral corruption. This willingness to go after bad people as the attorney general of New York vaulted him into even greater power. It would not have happened this year, but Spitzer was a viable vice presidential option next time around, if not a serious contender for the nation's top job. His chances would have been far better than those of the laughable Joe Lieberman. Eliot Spitzer could have been the first Jewish president of the United States.

That won't happen now. I will go back to my belief that there will be black, female, Latino, and openly gay presidents before there will be a Jewish leader (we'll probably beat out the Muslims though).

While this is a serious blow to the Jewish American's sense of pride, we must be gracious to the groups that benefit. Spitzer's replacement is David Patterson, who is black and blind. Black people are celebrating another step towards righting history's wrongs. Blind people are thrilled to have an advocate in a powerful position. And black blind people, well, they haven't stopped partying since Spitzer announced his forthcoming resignation. Stevie Wonder and Lavar Burton's character from Star Trek may never come down from this jubilation.

We as Jews must be happy for these groups, even in our time of despair. Think about it this way, the disgrace of Eliot Spitzer isn't nearly as bad as the Holocaust. Did I just brighten your day or what?!

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Lost Dewey Letter

editor's note: I managed to acquire this historic letter Thomas E. Dewey wrote to his mother following his 1948 presidential election defeat. Don't ask me how I got it. Let’s just say I had to do some stuff that forever lowered my dignity and sense of self-respect.

Dear Mater,

I trust that you are feeling the same anguish that currently burns in my loins. I so wanted to see you fulfill your wildest dreams of planting petunias in the White House's south lawn. It fills me with a despair that you will not get the chance to do so.

The entire Dewey clan will surely whisper "scoundrel," whenever the name "Truman" falls from a speaker's lips, but we mustn’t allow this haberdasher to weigh down our high pedigree with the heavy load of vengeance. You must be cursing the woman who bore that oaf. Please cease and desist for the sake of your high blood pressure.

I lay awake at night worrying that your hemorrhoids have revisited. Please allow the Negro gentleman to massage your affected area and reward him with a spot of your world-renown chicken face pie. To digest your scrumptious delicacy after my wayward campaign would have brought me back from the brink of insanity. Instead, I relieve my frustrations with every wallop of my dear wife. I must relay a comical anecdote, upon striking my beloved, my bifocals slid from my face, but fortunately, I grabbed them before they shattered into a million pieces. I suppose the Almighty owed me a bit of luck after the election.

Please write back as soon as possible.

With an eternal love,
Governor Thomas E. Dewey

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Man to Blame

One day, when I was ten years old visiting my grandparents in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, I ran into Eliot Spitzer on the street.

"Hey Mr. Spitzer. What are ya up to?"
"Definitely not going to see a 5'5" petit very pretty brunette American prostitute named Kristin (or Kristen). Not sure if it's with an "i" or an "e," I've seen it spelled both ways."

As I walked away confused, I thought, 'That's a weird thing to say.'

In retrospect, I could have stopped it those many years ago. But I failed. I failed Eliot Spitzer. I failed his family. I failed the state of New York. And I failed America. It's all my fault.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sex With A Prostitute

I guess it's not as funny when it's my guy. I just feel bad.

Eliot Spitzer is a Jew. That fills me with shame. He's from Riverdale in the Bronx, which doesn't make things any better. The fact that he's the governor of New York makes me feel bad. He became the governor of New York by fighting and prosecuting prostitution rings. I should relish the irony, but strangely, I don't.

It really bothers me that he's married. It also really bothers me that he has three kids. Even more, it bothers me that he has three daughters. If he had sons, the potential harm can be more explicitly averted. All Spitzer has to do is tell his sons that having sex with a prostitute is wrong. However, with daughters the wound has a greater potential to run deep. He can explain to his daughters that becoming a prostitute is not the best route, but that's probably not going to be a problem.

The bigger issue involves his relationship with his wife. Most daughters get their conception of womanhood from their mothers. They understand how a man should treat them through observing the relationship between their father and their mother. Spitzer's sexual liaisons with a prostitute have the potential of subconsciously damaging his daughters because they might put up with more shit from a man. Perhaps not in the same way, but it's just another way of lowering their self-esteem. After all, they must take after their mother, who apparently is not good enough for their father, or so his actions have indicated. So basically, Eliot Spitzer is a terrible person and has destroyed his family and ruined the faith of people who believed in him. Well done sir.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Holocaust and Basketball

Earlier in the year, Representative Tom Lantos, the only Holocaust survivor to serve in the United States Congress, died. Upon hearing the news, I wanted to learn more about him. I found out that Rep. Lantos took over the seat held by Representative Leo Ryan. Rep. Ryan was murdered while investigating the Peoples Temple right before the Jonestown Massacre.

Taking place before I was born, I had never heard of the Jonestown Massacre, so I looked it up. A man named Jim Jones moved his cult, the Peoples Temple, to a town he founded called Jonestown in Guyana. Rep. Ryan traveled to investigate the cult. When it was time to go, some cult members wanted to leave Jonestown with the congressman. That eventually led to Ryan's murder and everyone in Jonestown was subsequently murdered or committed suicide.

Jim Jones had a son, Jim Jones Jr., who was not present during the mass murder-suicide. However, the son lost his wife and his child in the massacre. Jim Jones Jr. later remarried and had three children.

Last night I watched the West Coast Conference championship game between Gonzaga and San Diego. San Diego pulled off the upset and clinched a spot in the NCAA tournament. San Diego's Rob Jones, who scored 15 points and grabbed 6 rebounds, is the grandson of cult leader Jim Jones.

So, that is the link between the Holocaust and basketball... the Jonestown Massacre.

Monday, March 10, 2008

George Mason, Back at the Dance

To William & Mary fans, THAT just happened!

George Mason easily defeated the Tribe to get back to the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 2006. Every time Mason has played on television since, the announcers always recount that season's Final Four run. It never gets old.

In 2006, Mason got an 11 seed as an at large bid. Last season, VCU won the conference championship and got an 11 seed as well. At worst, GMU should get an 11 seed. A 9 seed might be in order, having won over 20 games, including wins over Michael Beasley and his Kansas State squad, Dayton, Cleveland State, and VCU. All won at least 20 games. The Patriots also beat South Carolina out of the SEC.

VCU should get an at large bid. They were 24-7 including 15-3 in the conference. They won the CAA regular season by 3 games. VCU beat Houston and Akron who have over 20 wins this season and they beat Maryland. I've always believed overall record should count for a lot as opposed to arbitrary evaluations. VCU should get in over every mediocre "big conference" team that hasn't beaten an elite team. Remember, this is a George Mason alum making a case for VCU! So you know they deserve to get in.

The so-called experts are down on Mason again this year. They don't think we have the same talent as we did in 2006. Well, we have two senior leaders with Final Four experience and a Final Four coach, things we didn't have two years ago. The starting five is not as good as that team, but this year's team certainly has more depth. All I'm going to say now is, watch what you say. Do you want to have to eat your words like Jim Nantz and Billy Packer?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Gearing Up for the NBA Playoffs

I don't want the NBA to pick the 16 teams with the best record, regardless of conference. That would be a hasty and fairly unjustified reaction to temporary Western Conference dominance. Imagine Portland having to travel to Boston and back again for a first round series. But there are a couple of rules that I would like to see changed. This isn't feasible, but I'd like to see a rule where a team under.500 is disqualified from making the playoffs. More logically, I'd like to see fewer teams in the playoffs. A total of 12 teams is good, with the first round a best of 3 series. The winners then play the top 2 teams in each conference in a best of 7 series.

In the East, I sincerely hope the Celtics and the Pistons meet in the conference finals. I like that Boston has added some veteran role players to come off the bench of late, but I would still give Detroit the edge, no matter which team holds home court advantage. Boston's three leaders have each played in the conference finals once, while the four Detroit stars have all won the title, together.

Cleveland is the only team that could potentially ruin that plan. On paper, I like their recent trade. Now they have shooters, and more depth down low. Delonte West is probably the best point guard LeBron has played with during his short NBA career, a fact that is a little depressing. I question the Cleveland's ability to mesh so quickly, however. Often times, one player can push a team over the top, but the Cavs have changed many of their top players with only a couple dozen games left. Orlando will probably finish with a better record than the Cavs, but the Magic just aren't there yet. They'll probably win in the first round and it will be a good experience to build on for next season.

The west is absolutely crazy. Nine teams really are that good. I'm shocked theat the Rockets have been able to keep winning without Yao. It's a testament to McGrady and shows he is maturing as a ballplayer, but he still has to prove it in the playoffs. I still expect Houston to be the odd team out. The Spurs are still the favorite and they might be better this season than last. I don't know if Dallas has the depth or the mental toughness to come out of the west. Kidd help though. The Suns better win this year. They mortgaged their future by getting Shaq for Marion. Miami traded away Odom and Butler for Shaq a few years ago and now look at them. But it was worth it because they got the ring. How will this trade look for the Suns when Shaq, Nash, and Hill are gone in a couple of years?

New Orleans is an exciting young team with loads of potential, but their lack of experience will probably hurt them this postseason. Utah, however, is a dangerous team. I don't like that it looks like it might be more advantageous to be the 5 seed as opposed to the 3 seed in the west (according to record). The NBA needs to get rid of guaranteeing the division winners a top 4 seed. Golden State could pull another shocker if they have the right matchup, but most likely, they're one and done. Denver is very talented, but doesn't play defense and needs a Derek Fisher-type point guard. The Lakers are the hot bandwagon this season. They'll get by the first round, but could run into trouble in Round 2. One thing I love about the NBA is that advancing far in the playoffs is a hard journey often taking many years and requiring many hardships.

Can't wait for the playoffs. I think I'll even stay in the country this year.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Letter from an Iraqi

I do not understand this notion of the Americans when they ask the question "Are things better now than before?" If the situation is bad, it is bad. If people do not have water to drink, food to eat, or electricity, if the noise of explosions is heard all day long, what does is matter if the situation was worse yesterday?

The Americans divide our time into two sections, revolving around Saddam Hussein's ouster. My countrymen divide our time at the same point, but we think of it differently. We divide in terms of the American war in our country.

The Americans say that it is better for us now than when Saddam Hussein ruled because we have freedom and democracy. When Saddam Hussein was in power, I never criticised him publicly and I was safe. Now, I do not say anything of political consequence because I fear for my life. Any statement would provoke vengeance from a particular group. I did not vote when Saddam Hussein was in power because it would grant him unwarranted legitimacy. I do not vote now because my vote would only help to solidify the sectarian rift in my country.

When the war started, there was chaos. That chaos lasted for several years. Now, we see American troops more often. We are not allowed to use a car or take a bus, because there is a vehicle ban in my city. The American soldiers stop us every few blocks to question our intentions. When I leave my house, I fear that the Americans will misinterpret my actions and shoot me. The Americans talk of a decrease in violence. These restrictive practices have resulted in fewer deaths of American soldiers. But Iraqi deaths are still ubiquitous and they have stripped the living of our freedom.


Thursday, March 06, 2008

Hillary Clinton's Language

Listen closely. Listen to Hillary Clinton's words.

Clinton has accused Barack Obama of giving a great speech, but lacking substance. This sounds like the same garbage white people say when they talk about any educated black person of prominence. "Oh, he's so articulate!"

In Clinton's Ohio victory speech, she said that Ohio deserves a president who will work hard for them. On the surface, it's a harmless statement. But the implication is that Obama wouldn't work hard for Ohio. It's a subtle play on the subconscious prejudices we all have. Of course, the stereotype of black people being lazy is a bit outdated compared to the positive-but-condescending remark saying a black person running for president is "articulate" but not substanitive. She has covered different generations of biases!

Clinton's play on the ugly side of our subconscious is quite intentional. The Clinton's did the same thing when they made those subtle but offensive comments before the South Carolina primary. But they seem to have perfected it now. And the media can't call her out on it because, to the average person, her comments seem innocuous. People would react harshly to calling out her subtle racism, when they themselves can't or don't want to see it. We would have to admit that we have subconscious prejudices in order to recognize that she is attempting to appeal to them.

The media has picked apart Clinton's appearance and certain other aspects, only because she is a woman. But I don't believe Obama has played on our hidden fears of a woman in charge. This is one reason why I support Obama. He has raised the level of political discourse in this campaign, whereas Hillary Clinton has not.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Letter from the State Department

Recently I received a letter from the State Department, which reads in part:

[We have been notified that your blog includes information of current events from around the planet. We kindly ask that you cease and desist from writing about worldly events as a service to your country. We, as a nation, are preparing for a global game of Jeopardy and we want to induce a sense of over-confidence in other countries by giving the illusion that Americans are stupid, uneducated, and unconcerned with worldly affairs. If we win, the United States could win upwards of $10,000! Think of what we can do with all that money! We trust that you will comply with our request or face the consequences.

Incidentally, we thank you for not reporting on the reinstatement of COINTELPRO.]

Hmm, let's see what's in the news today.... Wow, that Britney Spears is crazy y'all.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

In Memory of Hank Gathers

Eighteen years ago, Hank Gathers died. I was eight years old and just learning the meaning of losing someone forever.

Hank Gathers died of heart trouble after fainting on the court during a basketball game featuring his Loyola Marymount University team. While it came tragically premature, Hank Gathers died in a manner that every human on this earth deserves. He died doing something he loved with people he cared about. Even in death, Hank Gathers remains an inspiration.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Evil Leaders League, Week 6

The official ELL website is here. Let's check out the results from week 6 of the ELL.

Hu vs al-Bashir
China's leader, Hu Jintao, will look at new faces among his inner circle in the near future. He's promoting new leaders to further consolidate his power. He decided to make that change after receiving a fortune cookie saying, "You will replace some government officials in an effort to consolidate power" in bed. Omar al-Bashir is the leader of Sudan. The situation in Darfur has gotten worse recently. The murderous janjaweed militia has returned to the area along side of government bombs. The scorched earth tactics have returned. And if you think the name sounds bad, just be thankful you're not involved. In addition, the same strategy that the government implemented in Darfur is surfacing in southern Sudan, which could likely lead to war. A multi-decade civil war between the north and south recently ended. In other news, Steven Spielberg is set to direct a new movie called Evil And Eviler, starring these two.
winner: al-Bashir

Mugabe vs Putin
Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe has lost the support of his ruling Zanu-PF party. They support his challenger Simba Makoni, claiming that Simba showed tremendous courage after his father Mufasa fell off of cliff and into a stampede. Zanu-PF is hoping that Simba will be able to lead their pride and once again restore Zimbabwe to prominence. However, until Mugabe shoots Makoni in the face while quail hunting, this doesn't look good for the current leader. In Russia, Vladimir Putin's intended successor won the presidential election. What's his name Hillary Clinton? "Med-med-medvedevuh-or-something," or so Clinton stated in the last Democratic debate. Then Clinton-stooge Paul Begala raved about how she even knew the name of Putin's favored successor. Well, we at the ELL not only know Mr. Dmitry Medvedev's name, but we've mocked him for weeks- where's our praise from Begala? The bottom line is that Putin is hoping for a Democrat in the White House, because that would help his evil stock tremendously. Both Clinton and Obama ripped him a new anus at the debate.
winner: Putin

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visited Iraq last week. His visit gives the Iraqi administration a bit more legitimacy. After the fall of Saddam Hussein's regime, Iran was one of the first nations to officially recognize the new Iraqi government. All of this infuriates the United States, who feels that Iran's influence in Iraq is bad. But Iraqis want Iranian influence in their country about as much as they want America's or al Qaeda's. So actually, Ahmadinejad and George Bush are like long lost brothers, who keep bumping heads. It appears America and Iran aren't that different after all. Well, except the most powerful weapon in the Iranian arsenal consists of a mixture of baking soda and seltzer water. Oh, and clumps of dirt. North Korea's Kim Jong-Il went to the Chinese embassy in Pyongyang to wish them well with the Olympics. Then he bought a couple of Eric Clapton MP3s for his I-pod in anticipation of Clapton's proposed concert visit. Man, Kim is in an evil slump.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Chavez vs Musharraf
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez had hoped to unify Latin America in opposition to the United States' imperialism. Well, much like a bad date, his dreams of success have been shattered with a slap in the face. He's moved tanks to the Colombian border. Chavez believes that the Colombian government is involved in a U.S. plot to assassinate him. He won't allow Colombia to go after rebel leaders hiding in Venezuela (they've killed a rebel leader in Ecuador recently). So on the one hand, Chavez is pretty evil. But on the other he's just a failure. This matchup will depend on Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf. Musharraf hasn't had the best year. But he has pissed on the country's constitution a few times, which propelled him into the ELL for season 3. Opposition leader Nawaz Sharif refuses to compromise with Musharraf, but the other opposition party, the PPP, says they can work with him. Right now Musharraf hopes a Republican wins in the U.S. presidential election for the sake of his political career, but hopes a Democrat wins for the sake of his ELL record. It’s a very conflicting time for him. Plus, he just found out his son is gay. Come on Pervez, tell him it's ok, kiss him on the forehead, and detain a few opponents to make yourself feel better.
winner: Musharraf

al-Bash 5-1
Mushar 4-2
Ahmad 4-2
Kim J-I 3-3
Chavez 3-3
Mugabe 2-4
Putin 2-4
Hu Jin 1-5

Sunday, March 02, 2008

A Letter To My Fellow Neo-nazis

Dear fellow neo-nazis,

I am writing to all of my neo-nazi brothers and sisters to express my embarrassment at the current state of our movement. We have been marginalized, maligned, and maltreated, yet we have no defense. We just take it.

It appears to me that we neo-nazis don't accept anyone who has an education beyond the third grade. Most of our ilk cannot hold a decent conversation or make even the most basic reasoned argument. It fills me with a shame that I cannot put to words.

As a result, we follow leaders barely smarter than their dim followers. Bill Riccio is a perfect example of this phenomenon. We can only claim that he has any intellectual capacity because of the company he keeps. Charles Doles Jr. isn't dumber than a post, only because a human cannot be physically stupider than an inanimate object. I think Tom Metzger is functionally retarded. On the positive side, the vast majority of local leaders make white supremacists such as Matthew Hale and David Duke look like geniuses.

The situation in America has gotten very bad for us. Only a black man, a woman, or a John McCain could conceivably win the presidential election this year and we are defenseless to stop it. What if, for a running mate, one party picks a Jew and the other a Mexican? That would be a real slap in the face for us. For many reasons, we've fallen out of the mainstream of American life over the last 40 years. We've lost our historical prominence in a country founded by slave-owning white supremacists.

Partially, our tragic decline can be attributed to the extremely limited mental abilities of our members and our leaders. We often mistake a modicum of charisma for true leadership. Many of our members are, to put it bluntly, moronic rejects. We seem to be unable to appeal to anyone with any knowledge of anything. In fact, we supposedly promote the greatness of pure white skin and yet our ranks are filled with idiots covered in tattoos. How can we be proud of our white skin if we hide it? It's a bit hypocritical.

Another reason for our descent into irrelevance is due to the mainstream right employing a watered-down version of our message. Ronald Reagan began his 1980 presidential campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi, talking about a return to American values. I'm guessing most of my neo-nazi brethren have lost me here, if any were smart enough to actually use a computer. Philadelphia, Mississippi was the city where three northern civil rights workers were killed in 1965, back in the good old days. Reagan constantly gave us coded messages offering to lead our movement, but we were too dumb to realize. This year, Huckabee and Paul divided our political support. We just can't seem to get things together.

My fellow neo-nazis and other white supremacists, the days ahead look dark and we don't seem to have a flashlight or know how to make one or where to buy one. I hope that in the coming years we can restore our prevalence in the realm of American politics and in the society at large. But I'm not so sure we can.

Brother Ezekiah J.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Go Away Ralph Nader

First of all, anyone who thinks Ralph Nader cost Al Gore the 2000 election is a moron who is devoid of any ability to understand even the most basic logic. It might be time to end your life, because you're just too stupid to live.

So Ralph Nader is running for president again. Hopefully, Nader's candidacy can keep Obama to the left in the general election. Besides that, Nader's decision to run is pretty terrible. Nader claims that his message is righteous and many Americans should be receptive. So why has his candidacies failed so miserably? Maybe it's the messenger.

In 2000, Nader got 2.73% of the vote. So he barely beat out Strom Thurman and the Dixiecrats (2.41%) who ran on a platform of segregation in 1948 and only campaigned in the south! In 2004, Nader got only 0.38% of the vote. This is customary for third party candidates in recent years; their vote percentage tends to go down because their novelty has worn off. To compare, Ross Perot won 18.91% of the vote in 1992 and only 8.4% in 1996. Perot got more raw votes in his worst year, than Nader could dream of in all of his runs combined. Perot intelligently didn't run a third time. It's not a good sign when Ross Perot is more reasonable than you.

The Socialist candidate Eugene Debs did better than Nader during the former's chase for the presidency during the early 1900s. Perhaps that's Nader's angle. He can claim, "Hey, I'm only slightly worse than Eugene Debs."

Nader's decision is fairly embarrassing for everyone. If he truly cares about his message, he would have supported a new fresh voice to run in his place or run for a smaller office that he could actually win. But this is clearly a self-serving decision. He wants the publicity. He doesn't care about what is best for liberals, for third parties, anyone who isn't Nader himself. Maybe Nader is a very vengeful man who feels, "If I have to view at my ugly face in the mirror every day, I'm gonna make damn-well-sure everyone else has to look at me too!"