Ranking the Stans

Here's the first annual list ranking the "stan" countries.

1) Pakistan - The people there have had to deal with a political crisis for over a year now. They've also moved past a devastating earthquake a couple of years ago. That's all impressive. Plus I ate at a Pakistani restaurant after class through grad school. Delicious.
2) Afghanistan - These people have been in some kind of war for about 30 years. Their plight would be more apparent if the war in Iraq wasn't such a disaster. There president is an American puppet. How these people survive all of the war in a mountainous land is incredible. But the food is a little bland.
3) Uzbekistan - Their leader Islam Karimov boils people. Ok, he doesn't boil people, he has someone do it for him. Plus Samarkand is there, that's cool. I've had Uzbek food once; it was in India and it tasted like Indian food because the restaurant didn't know what it was doing.
4) Kazakhstan - Borat put this country on the map. Their lack of a sense of humor about it prevents them from going higher on the list. I don't know what Kazakhs eat, maybe rat balls?
5) Kyrgyzstan - I guess they call it the Switzerland of central Asia. I don't know if that's an insult or not.
6) Turkmenistan - Former leader Saparmurat Niyazov was crazy. He also looked like Wayne Newton. He is dead now.
7) Tajikistan - There are lots of Muslims there. Islam is an honorable religion.

Didn't make the list:
Hindustan, Hayastan - I speak English.
Kurdistan, Uyghuristan - Not countries as of now.
Stan Musial - Great baseball player, not a country.