Thursday, October 25, 2018

John Kerry Feels Left Out

This past week, bombs have been sent to the preeminent people on the left in America. The bomb recipients have been the faces of liberalism in the U.S. over the past 25 years. John Kerry, thus far, has not been among them.

Kerry was recently heard commenting on the mail bombs."I was a former presidential candidate and Secretary of State. How come Hillary Clinton gets one and not me? Joe Biden? Really? That old bozo. Eric Holder? I don't even know who that is? I'm John Kerry! I was one of the foremost voices in calling for the end of the Vietnam War. I was a senator from Massa-fucking-chusetts for 28 years! Where's my bomb?"

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Saudia Arabia Releases How Khashoggi Died

Jamal Khoshoggi walked into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul and disappeared. Saudi Arabia has had a few theories about what happened:

At first, the Saudis claimed he was involved in a fist fight at the consulate and died. He apparently bumped into former middleweight champion Gennady Golovkin, who happened to be at the consulate for some unknown reason. Triple G landed a straight right-left hook combination after the two bumped into each other that ultimately killed that 59-year old Washington Post reporter.

It's possible that Khoshoggi suffered a paper cut while filing paperwork and bled out in the consulate, the Saudis argued.

The Saudis later announced that Jamal Khoshoggi didn't die. He never even existed. None of us has. We're all just figments of a higher being's imagination.

Another theory the Saudis have pushed is that Khoshoggi died of guilt after writing critical stories about the Saudi royal family. It's happened before.

An early birthday present was planned at the consulate and he died of a heart attack.

It turned out that some body parts were found in the consular general's residence (I hate when that happens), so the Saudis changed their story saying that Khoshoggi died in a horrific can opener accident. After he was mangled in the can opener, the consular general used the can opener to open a BPA-free can of beans and some of Khoshoggi's body parts ended up in the consular general's clothes that he brought home. It's happened before.

What if we admit he was brutally murdered, but MBS didn't know anything about it. No good? Ok, never mind.

The Saudis' most recent assertion: The Iranians did it!

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

2018-2019 NBA Predictions

Just missing: Chi, Det
Out in the first round: Cha, Ind, Mia, Was
Out in the East semis: Mil, Tor
East Finals: Bos over Phi 4-2

Just missing: NO, Por
Out in the first round: Den, Min, OKC, Uth
Out in the West semis: LAL, SA
West Finals: Hou over GS 4-3

NBA Finals
Houston over Boston 4-2

Monday, October 08, 2018

Paid Advertisement

The blog is not doing well, so to make a little money, below is a paid advertisement.

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Warning - side effects of uricane include gale force winds of flatulence. If a loved one is in the bathroom with you after you use uricane, instruct them to seek shelter or move towards the "eye" of the uricane.

Saturday, October 06, 2018

Top Ten Pound-For-Pound

Here's my pound-for-pound list. I take into account ability and accomplishment. The previous list was posted on July 1, 2018.

1. Vasyl Lomachenko (11-1, 9 KOs) [1]
2. Saul Alvarez (50-1-2, 34 KOs) [Not ranked]
3. Gennady Golovkin (38-1-1, 34 KOs) [3]
4. Terence Crawford (33-0, 24 KOs) [2]
5. Srisaket Sor Rungvisai (47-4-1, 41 KOs) [5]
6. Leo Santa Cruz (35-1-1, 19 KOs) [6]
7. Naoya Inoue (16-0, 15 KOs) [7]
8. Errol Spence (24-0, 21 KOs) [8]
9. Mikey Garcia (38-0, 30 KOs) [9]
10. Olexandr Usyk (15-0, 11 KOs) [Not ranked]

Exiting the list:
Sergey Kovalev (32-3-1, 28 KOs) [4]
Guillermo Rigondeaux (17-1, 11 KOs) [10]