Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bill Richardson - A Closer Look

Bill Richardson is the governor of New Mexico and running for the Democratic nomination for president.

Here are some of Richardson's points that I like:
  • Will Remove all troops from Iraq ASAP (6-8 months)
  • Believes our presence in Iraq makes things worse
  • Against wall on border with Mexico
  • Would give a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants
  • Would erase No Child Left Behind
  • Universal healthcare and funding first reposnders
  • Lift Cuban embargo
  • Supports ENDA and would give same sex-partners benefits
  • Supports gay marriage (questions chance of it passing now)

Here are some I don't like:

  • Would reploy troops to Afghanistan
  • Would punish employers for hiring illegal immigrants
  • Pro-gun record and stance
  • Pro-death penalty
  • Said homosexuality is a choice and said gay slur on Imus show

Here are some irrelevant fun facts:

  • As you can tell by his name, he's Latino
  • Eats like there's no tomorrow, then does it again tomorrow
  • During a debate for mothers, called his own mother "a whore"
  • Thinks being a whore is a choice but has pro-whore record
  • No quere the Taco Bell
  • Middle name - Ned

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Evil Leaders League, Season 2 in Review

We've had a great Evil Leaders League season. You've laughed, you've cried, but mostly you've said, "I don't get the reference and even if I did, I couldn't imagine how that'd be funny." Well, I think you're an asshole and so does our crop of eight evil competitors.

The Champion - Omar al-Bashir 6-1 (2-0) [all time: 11-3 (4-0)]
I spilled soda on the carpet not too long ago. That's not as bad as funding the jangaweed militia which is committing genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. The continued genocide in Darfur is the reason why Omar al-Bashir took his second straight ELL title in season 2. He's not thrilled that the Christian south has autonomy either. I hope one day the people of Sudan will experience peace and happiness and Omar al-Bashir will spend the rest of his days sitting in the corner crying naked and fingering himself. For now al-Bashir is a champion.

No poll this season, but here are some of this season's best out of context quotes:
  • In the end Kim Jong-Il won with 117% of the vote (margin of error +/- 17%).
  • He's cock-blocked George Bush's foreign policy objectives so many times, Bush has resorted to jerking off to old tapes of Margaret Thatcher invading the Falkland Islands.
  • He wants to "wipe Israel off the map" even though "Israel" isn't on any Iranian maps.
  • He also contracted gonorrhea. Not a good week for Kim.
  • The only evil thing al-Bashir has done lately was to restart his X-box in the 3rd quarter of Madden 07 during an ass-whipping at the hands of the newly appointed governor of South Darfur, Ali Mahmoud.
  • Lukashenko continuously states an old Belarussian proverb, "There's an old saying in Osipovichi, I know it's in Minsk, it's probably in Osipovichi, that says 'When a Pole is killed, my penis grows 3 inches.... Hahahahahahaha!!!! ... Do you get it? Polish people dying gives me an erection.... How come nobody's laughing?'"
  • Kim reportedly looks emaciated due to a hunger strike until the Trix rabbit gets to eat some cereal.
  • His record doesn't compare to the carnage Omar al-Bashir has on his hands (not literally, as al-Bashir washes regularly).
  • With all of this killing, there might not be any people left in Sudan before long. That would hurt Omar al-Bashir in the ELL, because it's hard to be evil without people.
  • Never underestimate a small penis' role in creating an evil leader.

Last season's winner: Fidel Castro no longer has control over Cuba and reportedly has an artificial anus. A good way to lose in the ELL is to have things shoved up your ass.

The Challengers
Hugo Chavez 4-3 (1-1) [9-5 (1-2)] - He's got a kind of anti-imperialist type of evilness. It's been working for him. His next step needs to be cutting off the balls of dissedents.
Vladimir Putin 6-1 (0-1) - He had a surprisingly evil season. Putin did his best Soviet Union impression. Those were some evil times. I miss them.
Kim Jong-Il 4-3 (0-1) [9-5 (1-2)] - He spent this season makeingconcessions and starving his people, hence the mixed reviews. Still better than the reviews of his karaoke performances.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 3-4 [8-6 (0-1)] - He's been called the Hitler of this generation. If that's true, this generation sucks. He is not the leader of his country and makes meaningless threats against the US and Israel, which is like me threatening Shaquille O'Neal (keep in mind that I'm a short Jew). Ahmadinejad is like Hitler in one way, he's short (like me!).

The Relegated
Islam Karimov 3-4 - Lost a run-off match to Ahmadinejad. Turns out boiling people isn't evil enough.
Alexander Lukashenko 2-5 [6-8] - He had a nice run. Maybe he'll come back in a couple of seasons with a new sense of evil purpose.
Nicolas Sarkozy 0-7 - Turns out the leader of France is not so evil. He's a pro-American ruler of a relatively friendly nation. Maybe calls to boycott France were a tad overblown and insane.

Some Facts and Figures:
Uses of the word during the second ELL season -
some variation of "fuck" 6 times; some variation of "ass" 3 times; some variation of "shit" 3 times; "evil" 36 times; "pope" twice; "jerking off" once; "genocide" 10 times.
5 people will return for next season.
3 people won't be back for next season
2 references to the evil French Empire.
2 evil leaders tied for 5th.
1 reference to X-box, the Detroit Lions, and the Falkland Islands.

Join us next season for more Evil Leaders League action.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

An Open Letter to the President of Columbia

Dear President Bollinger,

I am writing to you today about your introduction of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Let me begin by telling you that I am Jewish and my maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust. I believe that your introduction of President Ahmadinejad was irresponsible. First and foremost my grandparents taught me to be respectful of others and your speech failed to express that towards your guest.

My grandparents also taught me to speak out against injustice, but it is imperative to be accurate. You described Mr. Ahmadinejad as a “petty and cruel dictator.” Mr. Ahmadinejad became president through democratic elections, can only serve two four-year terms, and has less power than Ayatollah Khamenei. Thus Mr. Ahmadinejad is not a dictator and describing him as such shifts the discussion away from his policies.

More importantly, the list of grievances and insults you cast at Mr. Ahmadinejad made it very easy for him to answer. You charged him with out-of-context criticisms that are unchallenged in the United States, but not necessarily reality. You should have criticized him for holding a Holocaust deniers conference, not for his opinion on the matter which is in his control. You should have questioned his statement about wiping Israel off the map by inquiring how that can be done when Israel isn’t on any Iranian maps.

Above all of this, your speech gave Mr. Ahmadinejad a level of power that he cannot achieve without Western criticism. He runs a country with little military clout in the world. Iran does not have nuclear weapons while Israel and the United States do have them. Iran poses little threat to Israel. Mr. Ahmadinejad knows this and makes his idle statements for domestic political reasons. People like you play into the perception of power that makes Mr. Ahmadinejad relevant on a global stage. I am asking you to be more careful in the future. Thank you for you time.

The HarazQuack Times

Monday, September 24, 2007

Joe Biden - A Closer Look

Joe Biden is a senator from Delaware and running for the Democratic nomination for president.

Here are some of Biden's points that I like:
  • Wants to bring most troops home
  • Concerned about Darfur
  • Healthcare coverage for all children and catastrophic care
  • Gov't guarantee employers pay pensions
  • Automatic enrollment in 401K, can option out
  • Knowledgeable about environmental issues:
  • Promotes cellulosic ethanol and 40 MPG by 2017

Here are some I don't like:

  • Plan for 3 semi-autonomous states in Iraq, which would coagulate sectarian tensions
  • Leader on supplemental funding bill, wants to spend more than Republicans
  • Would leave 50,000 troops in Iraq
  • Wants US troops in Darfur
  • Wants to build a wall on Mexican border
  • Look to states for universal healthcare coverage, not federal
  • No same-sex marriages, only civil unions

Here are some irrelevant fun facts:

  • Actually uses a fake Indian accent when in 7-11
  • Thinks Bill Richardson is a pussy and told him so
  • Wants to put a wall around Bill Richardson
  • Wrote a paper in school saying Frederick Douglass was unclean and inarticulate
  • Gets into shouting matches with crying babies
  • Likes kittens.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Bye Bye RFK

The last Washington Nationals game ever at RFK was played earlier today. The Nats came to DC in 2005 and RFK Stadium has been their home for the past three years. It hosted Washington Senators games until they left in 1971.

It marks the end of a lot of personal memories over the last three years. I remember going to the fifth game at RFK and sitting in my assigned seat in rightfield, unable to see the giant scoreboard, or any pop fly. It was the last time I sat there.

I remember going to a couple of magnificent John Smoltz vs John Patterson battles. I saw Roger Clemens pitch a 14-2 win and Dontrelle Willis won 12-1. I saw a certain player who left after last year hit 3 homers in one game. I've sat in the front row once when my mom got tickets and another time when it rained and no one was there. I remember sitting in centerfield while it was raining one day and a waterfall formed racing down the steps, barely missing my seat.

I remember when Ryan Zimmerman first came up in September of 2005 and even played a little shortstop (not well I might add). I remember after a Zimmerman game-winning hit, he said on television, "I'm gonna go home and take a nap." I remember watching Ross Detwiler throwing out his first pitch; it was of the ceremonial variety and it pitifully bounced before crossing the plate.

RFK wasn't the best stadium (it might be the worst) but it was ours and it was the stadium that gave the DC area major league baseball for the first time since I've been alive. In the only stadium named after a political figure, D'Angelo Jimenez had the last Nats homerun on Tuesday. I was there. The Phillies' Chase Utley had the last homer, and scored the last run in the stadium's history. Aaron Rowand had the last RBI. Brian Schneider knocked in Kearns to add a few Nats lasts. Luis Ayala got the win, Antonio Alfonseca got the loss, and Chad Cordero got the save in a game where Joel Hanrahan started for the Nats and Cole Hamels for the Phillies. The Nats won 5-3.

The Nats end their tenure at RFK with a 122-121 record.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ramadan & Yom Kippur

Today, Muslims will continue their fast during the month of Ramadan and Jews will be fasting for Yom Kippur. I hope we can all take a moment out of the day to think about the other group and that we are going through the same experience.

Salaam Shalom Peace

Friday, September 21, 2007

Blame the Government

In August of 2002, swastikas were spray painted on my house and on my car and the latter was tagged with word kike. A policeman came to the house and dismissed the incident, saying it was most likely done by kids. I believe that the government did this because they didn't like my outspoken anti-war stance since 2001 and they wanted to instill fear in my family.

Numerous synagogues have been tagged since then in the DC area. Jews are overwhelmingly liberal and even those that are conservative and most concerned about Israel now know that the war in Iraq has made Israel far more vulnerable. The government was hoping to scare us Jews into supporting their war. It hasn't worked. END THE WAR NOW!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Blacks vs Jews, Presidents

In the friendly competition between blacks and Jews, we'll examine the presidents of the United States from each group.

Overall standing: Blacks 4 Jews 2
The fact is every United States president has been a white Christian man. Only three have been homosexual, including one of the last three Republican presidents.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Blacks vs Jews, PTI

In this version of the friendly competition between blacks and Jews, we'll look at the two hosts of the ESPN program Pardon the Interruption, Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser.

Tony Kornheiser is a writer for the Washington Post and an announcer on Monday Night Football.

Michael Wilbon is a writer for the Washington Post and an analyst on ABC's NBA coverage.

I like both the same but different. There will be no winner.

Overall Standings: Black 4 Jews 2

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Race Trader

On this very blog a neo-nazi called me a "race trader." Quite possibly he meant to say "race traitor," which would be just as bizarre since I'm a Jew and I'm pretty sure we're not considered aryan in neo-nazi circles. But that made me think, what if I was a race trader? Here's one trade I would make:

I get:
Cornel West, Talib Kweli, bell hooks.

You get:
Chris Benoit, Andrea Yates, Rush Limbaugh, Gary Ridgway, Donald Rumsfeld.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Chris Dodd - A Closer Look

Chris Dodd is a senator from Connecticut and running for the Democratic nomination for president.

Here are some of Dodd's points that I like:

  • Taking the lead against supplemental funding for the Iraq war
  • Wants most troops redeployed by next Spring
  • Admitted that his vote to authorize the war in Iraq was wrong
  • Calling for a carbon tax, using money to improve environment
  • Universal healthcare, coverage moves from job to job
  • States to contribute to paying college tuition
  • Leadership on funding first responders
  • Would lift embargo on Cuba
  • Called for ban on toys and food from China, until they get the led out

Here are some I don't like:

  • Voted to authorize Iraq war in the first place
  • April 30 date for return of most troops seems arbitrary
  • April 30 not soon enough and "most" troops is not enough
  • Would reform No Child Left Behind, not do away with
  • Says same-sex civil unions up to the states

Here are some irrelevant fun facts:

  • His hair has been silver since he was 4 years old
  • Likes baseball but doesn't understand the infield fly rule
  • Father was at Nuremberg, liked Goebbels, Himmler not so much
  • Favorite movie - Harlem Nights
  • Flexes in front of the mirror shirtless
  • Said the n-word 8 times, can "explain away" 6 of them
  • First had sex at 36, unless you count... (never mind)

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Bills Lose Big

The Bills lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 26-3. The Steelers dominated statistically on both sides of the ball. But the Bills defense did play pretty well, especially under the circumstances.

Coming off of several major injuries from last week, the Bills stoppers were forced to stay on the field forever because Losman and the offense never got it together. The Bills mustered only one first down in the first half. Losman held the ball entirely too long and the Bills receivers couldn't get open.

Losman was given time to throw on most dropbacks. Other offensive bright spots include Roscoe Parrish, who is like a shook-up soda bottle when he touches the ball, just ready to explode. Rookie running back Marshawn Lynch had a nice day again and he'll only get better.

The Bills bend-but-don't-break defense held the Steelers out of the end zone until late in the 3rd quarter. The Steelers scored their first touchdown to push the score to 19-3. Next, the Bills failed on a fourth down try in field goal range and the Steelers later added another score. The Bills are 0-2.

More importantly, the news on Kevin Everett has been good. I wish him the best.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Evil Leaders League Finals, Game 2

I've been told that Columbus Day is not a Christian holliday by a Christian friend. Eh, I don't think he knows what the hell he's talking about. Here is Game 2 of the best of 3 series for the ELL Championship:

Chavez vs al-Bashir
Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has teamed up with fellow evil leader Nicolas Sarkozy of France in order to get the release of several hostages captured by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC). Since the enemy of my enemy is my friend, the US and FARC are now allies. Chavez has introduced reforms calling for a maximum six-hour work day. Of course that means the president won't get as much time, so the length of each term should be expanded from 6 to 7 and term limits should be removed. Very crafty Senor Chavez. Omar al-Bashir of Sudan will be traveling to Italy and meeting the pope, something that makes Chavez mighty jealous. In an effort to get the Pope Benedict's support for the genocide in Darfur, Omar al-Bashir hopes to massage his holiness' balls to the point of ejaculation (how can something so wrong, feel so right). Now that's motherfucking evil!
winner: al-Bashir
series: al-Bashir 2-0

Congratulations to Omar al-Bashir for winning his second straight championship in the Evil Leaders League! The season in review extravaganza is still to come.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

L'shana Tova

Today is Rosh Hashanah, l'shana tova!
I would also like to wish Muslims a dignified holy month of Ramadan.
May your fast be easy and spiritually fruitful.
I want to wish Christians a Happy Columbus Day.
I'm sorry, I don't know much about Christianity, is that the one with the tree and the presents or the rabbit and the eggs?

Rosh Hashanah started last night. Yesterday, I tutored my student, who came to America about a year and a half ago. He came from Korea and I've helped him learn English and with his homework. This time, he had to study a chart on world religions.
He asked me, "What does 'prophet' mean?"
"A prophet is someone who talks to G-d and spreads the message of G-d."
He responded, "Oh, a liar."

My aunt called to wish us a Happy New Year.
As we were hanging up she said, "When you're enjoying your home-cooked Rosh Hashanah meal, just think of your aunt eating frozen food."
"Thanks for ruining my dinner!"
"Hey, I'm allowed to, I'm a Jewish mother."
"Yeah, but you're not MY Jewish mother!"
"I'm your aunt; that's the next best thing."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Kevin Everett

The Bills lost a tough one at the hands of the Denver Broncos last Sunday. A last second field goal sealed Buffalo's fate.

Early in the third quarter, Kevin Everett suffered a spinal cord injury. Initially, his injury was considered life-threatening and it was projected that he would likely remain paralyzed. Today it was reported that he was able to move some of his extremities.

He is twice my weight, a foot taller, and three weeks younger than me. I wish Kevin the best. I'm praying for him.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It was a Tuesday morning, just like this one, when callous attacks killed nearly 3,000 people in the United States six years ago. The murdered were people from many different countries. Terrible wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have taken the lives of many more people and no one has the courage to end any of it.

It's very sad. So many people have died and their deaths are used as propaganda or for political reasons, from every side. All of it makes me sad.

Let us take this day to remember the lives of all those lost due to the attacks on September 11, 2001, the war in Afghanistan, and the war in Iraq.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Evil Leaders League Finals, Game 1

The ELL Finals will be a best of 3 series (first one to 2 wins), with a short turn-around in between contests. Sudan's Omar al-Bashir is making his second consecutive appearance in the final round. He is the defending evil champion. Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is making his first finals showing in this, his second playoffs. Chavez has never beaten al-Bashir in ELL action. The Sudanese president beat Chavez in the regular season each of the last two seasons and in the last playoffs.

You've been waiting for this the whole season... the "analysis" of today's "evil" leaders that neither Ward Churchill nor Ann Coulter have the balls to give (for different reasons). Here is the result from Game 1 of the ELL Finals:

al-Bashir vs Chavez
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon is giving his left nut to try and stop the genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. That's more than I would do (the left is my favorite). Ban has gotten pledges from evil leaders, past and present, to move peace talks along. Meanwhile, a peace treaty between the north and south, which halted the civil war in 2005, could be in jeopardy. With all of this killing, there might not be any people left in Sudan before long. That would hurt Omar al-Bashir in the ELL, because it's hard to be evil without people. But until that point, Omar al-Bashir will continue to succeed in this league.

Whereas Omar al-Bashir is a vicious lion, Hugo Chavez is an annoying gnat. He's threatened the US with Vietnam-like guerrilla warfare if they assist in overthrowing leftist leaders in Latin America (what, Iraq-style guerrilla warfare isn't good enough for you? Racist). He's accused the US of devising those very plans. Listen Hugo Chavez... uh, who the fuck told you about those plans? Was it Jimmy Carter? Damn that self-righteous asshole! This is what happens when ex-presidents are given access to intelligence reports. Uh, wait! I mean, what plans? The US doesn't engage in covert action in Latin America. That Hugo Chavez has a wild imagination.
winner: al-Bashir
series: al-Bashir 1-0

Sunday, September 09, 2007

New Rush Hour Rules for Beltway

I propose that during rush hour, which is from 3-7pm in the D.C. Area, only locals be allowed on the Beltway in order to alleviate traffic. Only those vehicles with a DC, Maryland, or Virginia license plate can be on 495 at that time. If you're commuting from elsewhere, or just passing by, tough shit. Either move, get a new job, or take the back roads.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Republicans Change Their Tune

An Average Republican Presdiential Candidate
three months ago:
National security is the most important issue we face. We need to bomb Iran, immediately. We must secure the border. As president, I would send every immigrant back to whence they came, regardless of legal status. We need to put more people in Guantanamo Bay. As president, I would intern all of the Democratic candidates for president and the cast of My Name is Earl. As far as Iraq, I already told you I would bomb Iran, which would create ripples of democracy that would fix the entire region. Last but not least, I would burn gay people at the stake to protect the institution of marriage. See, I'm tough.

since Labor Day:
National security is the most important issue we face. You need a president who would think carefully before bombing Iran, sending every immigrant back to their country of origin, and expanding the size of Guantanamo for no real reason. I would consult experts about Iraq and listen to their suggestions. See, I'm thoughtful. I would still burn gay people at the stake to protect the institution of marriage.

Free Advice for the Candidates
Giuliani - Don't worry about being a fundamentalist Christian and be yourself: a balding, gay divorcee.
McCain - Stop talking about Iraq and Iran entirely, nutjob.
Romney - Stop being bizzaro John Kerry.
Thompson - Welcome, Wrinkles.
Huckabee - Believe in evolution and you'd have a shot.
Ron Paul - You won't win, but at least a normal person can think, 'Hey, not every Republican is crazy," thanks to you.
(It's bad when Ron Paul is the 'sane' one).
Tancredo - It's over.
Brownback - Give up.
Hunter - Seriously? Staying in the race is like keeping a decrepit 19-year old cat alive and pretending it's healthy. Put the cat to sleep.

Friday, September 07, 2007

An Open Letter to Pastor John Hagee

Dear Pastor John Hagee,

You frighten me. We Jews tend to be distrustful of non-Jews who take a fanatical interest in our people, especially when they are fundamentalist Christian conservatives such as yourself. Despite your many assertions that your fondness for Jews is not part of a Rapture-based philosophy, you and I both know that to be false. Cut the crap, man. Jews are simply pawns in your little plan to speed up the second coming of Jesus. Leave us alone.

As a Jew, I ask you to please stop your unconditional support of Israel. It simply ignites hostilities in that region. Please stop the celebration of Jewish culture in your church; it's just weird. Please tell your fiddle band to stop playing Hava Nagila. You are ruining an already not-very-good song. You should also lose some weight. Here's a healthy suggestion: put on a yarmulke and walk around there in Texas; that should inspire you to move your body.

Semiticly Yours,
The HarazQuack Times

Thursday, September 06, 2007

2007 NFL Predictions

NFC East
1. Eagles
2. Cowboys
3. Giants
4. Racistskins

NFC North
1. Bears
2. Packers
3. Vikings
4. Lions

NFC South
1. Panthers
2. Saints
3. Bucs
17. Vickless Falcons

NFC West
1. Seahawks
2. 49ers
3. Cardinals
4. Rams

AFC East
2. Patriots
3. Jets
4. Dolphins

AFC North
1. Ravens
2. Bengals
3. Steelers
4. Browns

AFC South
1. Colts
2. Jaguars
3. Titans
4. Texans

AFC West
1. Chargers
2. Broncos
3. Chiefs
4. Raiders

Wildcard round: NFC- NO vs Sea, Dal vs Phi; AFC- NE vs Buf, Cin vs Ind.
Divisional round: NFC- NO vs Car, Phi vs Chi; AFC- NE vs Bal, Ind vs SD.
Conference Championship: NFC- Phi vs Car; AFC - Ind vs Bal
Super Bowl XLII: Ravens over Panthers

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Evil Leaders League, Semis 2nd Leg

This week will determine who makes the second ever Evil Leaders League finals. Let's check out the results from the 2nd leg of the ELL semifinals:

Kim vs al-Bashir
Kim Jong-Il and his North Korean government are reaching a diplomatic thaw with the United States. Kim drives a hard bargain. In exchange for closing his nuclear program by year's end, North Korea will received significant economic aid (gimme the loot, gimme the loot) and be taken off the list of terrorist nations, and put on the list of happy, pretty, fun-time nations. As Kim gradually shifts towards mainstream global politics, one wonders whether this new-found diplomacy is all a devious plot or a desperate attempt to save his fledging country. We can only speculate right now, so we'll take him at face value for now.

Omar al-Bashir, the leader of Sudan, had a meeting with UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, and Ban came away impressed. Ban believes peace will come to Darfur soon. After the meeting, the Sudanese president went home and watched his favorite comedian, Weird al-Yankovic. Meanwhile Arab militias in Darfur have turned on each other, probably because they've already killed everyone else in the region. A great way to ensure the peace is to make certain their aren't any people alive to fight.
winner 2nd leg: al-Bashir by 10
winner overall: al-Bashir by 35

Chavez vs Putin
Venezuela has a president who make stick around for awhile; his name is Hugo Chavez. He likes his job and is hoping for a little job security- like for the rest of time. He wants to be president longer than I'll stay a loser (good luck Hugo). he's also helping Columbian refugees, which I'm sure negatively affects the US somehow. Vladimir Putin of Russia is preparing his country for a lower house election coming up in a few months. Evidently, his approval rating is at 80%. Wait, the Kremlin just found out about a few more dissenters. Putin's approval rating is up to 82% now.
2nd leg winner: Putin by 1
winner overall: Chavez by 2

Monday, September 03, 2007

Blacks vs Jews, Diversified Comedians

In the version of the friendly competition between blacks and Jews, we look at my four favorite comedians. who all happened to go on to have their own television show.

In the Jew corner, Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart.

In the black corner, Bill Cosby and Dave Chappelle.

Both Seinfeld and Cosby represented a less overt pride in their people during their respective shows. Their significance lies in subtlety sharing their culture with mainstream America. Stewart and Chappelle have both been able to crossover without needing to use the same subtlety as their forbearers.

Mainstream America and crossing over are code words for white gentiles. These four comedians tricked you into liking them. Gotcha, jerkoffs! They're all Rick James, bitch.

To decide a winner we'll see how long their shows were on air. The Cosby Show was on for 8 seasons. Seinfeld was on for 9 seasons. Chappelle's Show was on for 2 plus seasons. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart has been on for like 8 years or so. Anyway you slice it:
The winner is Seinfeld and Stewart.
Overall standings: Blacks 4 Jews 2

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Republican Attack Ad: Tim Johnson

Senator Tim Johnson from South Dakota suffered from brain hemorrhaging last year.

Much like Senator Johnson's brain, the Democrats have hemorrhaged America's future since taking the Congress last year. They've been brain dead when it comes to the troop surge, in a stroke-like state with regards to solving the impending social security crisis, and have retarded Americans' economic capabilities by wanting to roll back President Bush's tax cuts.

Senator Johnson should not be re-elected next year. He cannot represent South Dakotans to the degree that they deserve. He's got about as much chance of living another six year-term as Owen Wilson. He can't articulate the concerns of South Dakotans, because he can hardly talk, much like Dick Clark.

Would you put a retarded vegetable in charge of saving your children against demonic terrorists, who are certain to strike... and soon?

Vote A. Generic Republican for Senate in '08. He stands for family values, like gay-bashing, even though he most likely enjoys secret gay sex in public bathrooms. He's just doing research.

Approved by the Republican National Committee and "Turd Blossom"