Evil Leaders League, Week 6

The official ELL website is here. Let's check out the results from week 6 of the ELL.

Hu vs al-Bashir
China's leader, Hu Jintao, will look at new faces among his inner circle in the near future. He's promoting new leaders to further consolidate his power. He decided to make that change after receiving a fortune cookie saying, "You will replace some government officials in an effort to consolidate power" in bed. Omar al-Bashir is the leader of Sudan. The situation in Darfur has gotten worse recently. The murderous janjaweed militia has returned to the area along side of government bombs. The scorched earth tactics have returned. And if you think the name sounds bad, just be thankful you're not involved. In addition, the same strategy that the government implemented in Darfur is surfacing in southern Sudan, which could likely lead to war. A multi-decade civil war between the north and south recently ended. In other news, Steven Spielberg is set to direct a new movie called Evil And Eviler, starring these two.
winner: al-Bashir

Mugabe vs Putin
Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe has lost the support of his ruling Zanu-PF party. They support his challenger Simba Makoni, claiming that Simba showed tremendous courage after his father Mufasa fell off of cliff and into a stampede. Zanu-PF is hoping that Simba will be able to lead their pride and once again restore Zimbabwe to prominence. However, until Mugabe shoots Makoni in the face while quail hunting, this doesn't look good for the current leader. In Russia, Vladimir Putin's intended successor won the presidential election. What's his name Hillary Clinton? "Med-med-medvedevuh-or-something," or so Clinton stated in the last Democratic debate. Then Clinton-stooge Paul Begala raved about how she even knew the name of Putin's favored successor. Well, we at the ELL not only know Mr. Dmitry Medvedev's name, but we've mocked him for weeks- where's our praise from Begala? The bottom line is that Putin is hoping for a Democrat in the White House, because that would help his evil stock tremendously. Both Clinton and Obama ripped him a new anus at the debate.
winner: Putin

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visited Iraq last week. His visit gives the Iraqi administration a bit more legitimacy. After the fall of Saddam Hussein's regime, Iran was one of the first nations to officially recognize the new Iraqi government. All of this infuriates the United States, who feels that Iran's influence in Iraq is bad. But Iraqis want Iranian influence in their country about as much as they want America's or al Qaeda's. So actually, Ahmadinejad and George Bush are like long lost brothers, who keep bumping heads. It appears America and Iran aren't that different after all. Well, except the most powerful weapon in the Iranian arsenal consists of a mixture of baking soda and seltzer water. Oh, and clumps of dirt. North Korea's Kim Jong-Il went to the Chinese embassy in Pyongyang to wish them well with the Olympics. Then he bought a couple of Eric Clapton MP3s for his I-pod in anticipation of Clapton's proposed concert visit. Man, Kim is in an evil slump.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Chavez vs Musharraf
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez had hoped to unify Latin America in opposition to the United States' imperialism. Well, much like a bad date, his dreams of success have been shattered with a slap in the face. He's moved tanks to the Colombian border. Chavez believes that the Colombian government is involved in a U.S. plot to assassinate him. He won't allow Colombia to go after rebel leaders hiding in Venezuela (they've killed a rebel leader in Ecuador recently). So on the one hand, Chavez is pretty evil. But on the other he's just a failure. This matchup will depend on Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf. Musharraf hasn't had the best year. But he has pissed on the country's constitution a few times, which propelled him into the ELL for season 3. Opposition leader Nawaz Sharif refuses to compromise with Musharraf, but the other opposition party, the PPP, says they can work with him. Right now Musharraf hopes a Republican wins in the U.S. presidential election for the sake of his political career, but hopes a Democrat wins for the sake of his ELL record. It’s a very conflicting time for him. Plus, he just found out his son is gay. Come on Pervez, tell him it's ok, kiss him on the forehead, and detain a few opponents to make yourself feel better.
winner: Musharraf

standings:
al-Bash 5-1
Mushar 4-2
Ahmad 4-2
Kim J-I 3-3
Chavez 3-3
Mugabe 2-4
Putin 2-4
Hu Jin 1-5