On their cars:
Christians- Bumper stickers claiming I love Jesus. Jesus fish. Other crazy Jesus m
essages.Jews- The occasional ironic Gefilte fish.
Sarcasm:
Christians- Say things like, "I'm the king of sarcasm" when defending their extreme nationalism.
Jews- Didn't America fight a war to get rid of the whole king thing, or is that just me?
Reaction to Homosexuality:
Christians- Homosexuality is wrong. It leads to animal fucking and pedophilia.
Jews- Hey, it's ok. (Alright alright, there are plenty of heterosexist Jews too).
Israel:
Christians- That's where Jesus was born. If the Jews and Muslims keep fighting (thanks to our aiding the perpetuation of the conflict) Jesus will come back there. Then we will all be in Heaven, YAY!
Jews- Contain numerous different viewpoints on the issue.
While eating at a restaurant:
Christians- Silence.
Jews- This hamburger is cold, this restaurant is drafty, this seat is uncomfortable, and this joke is unbelievably cliché.
During Holidays:
Christians- Get presents and eat candy.
Jews- Sit there while adults read out loud in some weird ass language, trying to balance that funny hat on your head because you're tired of having to kiss it every time it falls to the ground. Oh, and anxiety waiting for when you have to read the strange language aloud and praying that you get to eat food that you don't even like, just because you're so hungry. In a word, fun.
On Christmas specifically:
Christians- Open presents and eat ham.
Jews- Yes, we actually do eat Chinese food and catch a movie. I also like watching sports on tv.
Control:
Christians- The world.
Jews- The Moyle industry.
Invoke G-d:
Christians- Jesus Christ, all the fucking time.
Jews- When their kid is dating a gentile.
When they're upset:
Christians- Passive aggressive city.
Jews- You'll know it.
Family discussion:
Christians- They don't.
Jews- Wish they lived with a Christian family.
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