World Cup Spill

The World Cup final between the Netherlands and Spain showed the bad side of soccer. At times it can be a great sport. I even want to follow it. But then there are games like this one that make me glad I'm American and don't care.

Soccer players are perceived as theatrical and flamboyant. Sure, NBA players flop, but they don't roll around on the ground after being touched (except for Paul Pierce). The final was deemed "physical." It's a ridiculous characterization. Players hit the ground and rolled like the stadium was on fire. There was very little physicality and a lot of acting.

There were very few chances. One of the rare opportunities to score occurred when the Netherlands simply tried to give the ball back to Spain in a sporting manner. The Spanish goalie had to make the save. And who is David Villa kidding. There are tens of millions of Davids in the world, why does he get to change the pronunciation?

Rarely do I even get bored in life, but conservative offense and tons of diving do not an interesting soccer match make.

My Hope for Spain-Germany

The Spanish Inquisition vs. the Holocaust. It's not a Jew-friendly semifinal of the World Cup. No disrespect to the players or their families. I'm sure they're all lovely people. But I wouldn't mind a repeat of Munich 1972. Another occurrence of the 1970 Marshall football team wouldn't be so bad either. Of course, it would have to involve a horrific bus crash as the teams will probably not fly from the hotel to the stadium.

I know people are not responsibly for the atrocious actions of their ancestors. A terrible tragedy to either of these teams won't bring back the millions of Jews these two countries are responsible for killing. But still.

2010 World Cup Predictions

Round of 16
South Korea over South Africa
Argentina over Mexico
England over Ghana
Germany over United States
Netherlands over Paraguay
Italy over Japan
Brazil over Spain
Cote d'Ivoire over Chile

Quarterfinals
England over South Korea
Brazil over Netherlands
Argentina over Germany
Italy over Cote d'Ivoire

Semifinals
Brazil over England
Argentina over Italy

Finals
Brazil over Argentina

Please note that these are expert prediction and will most certainly come true. I strongly advise you to bet your entire fortune on these predictions. They were made with the Southern Hemisphere theory in mind, which reasons that since the World Cup is being played in the Southern Hemisphere, countries from the Southern Hemisphere will have a better chance than they would've had the Cup been played in the Northern Hemisphere. Again, please bet your entire life savings on these picks. They can't possibly be wrong.

note: These prediction may only be used for gambling purposes.

GOOOOOAL For The Jews

The captain of Argentina's soccer team, which has reached the quarterfinals of the World Cup, is Juan Pablo Sorin (left). He is a Jew. His team's head coach, Jose Pekerman (right and below), is also Jewish. As a Jew, I take pride when my people are successful in an positive manner. I'm proud of others too, but it's always a little extra special when its one of your own. Mazel tov amigos.



Ghana's John Pantsil (left and below) pulled an Israeli flag out of his sock after his team's win over Czech Republic. Pantsil plays for an Israeli club team and waved the flag to say thank you to the Israeli fans that had traveled to Germany (of all places) to cheer for him and his country. The act was not political, but it was perceived to be. Pantsil's act was heart-warming and an act of mutual gratuity, nothing more, nothing less. But when blacks and Jews show warm feelings for one another, I should've expected there to be an uproar.


A very different story is the one of the Dutch club team Ajax. I'll mention it again. Their fans identify themselves as Jews, but in reality very few are. I find this disturbing. Some Jews believe that the fans' identification promotes Jewish culture, others say it promotes anti-Semitism from the fans of other teams. The fans simply wave Jewish symbols and revel in their status as 'others'. Regardless of what the fans are actually promoting, I don't want my identity used as some extended fad or mocked. If Jewish culture is respected, that's one thing: all are welcomed. But that's not what this is. Basically, leave us alone.

When I say "leave us alone," I don't mean to suggest that I don't want cultural exchange, intercultural interactions, and dialogue. I love those.

I don't want others to put Jews in the limelight. I don't want others to use us for their own gain. I don't want my culture or the culture of my ancestors exploited. Leave us alone.

World Cup Ignorance

ESPN did a report right before the beginning of the World Cup on neo-nazism and very explicit racism among European fans. But ESPN's World Cup announcers have continuously made ignorant remarks throughout their coverage.

Julie Foudy decided that Costa Rica was "not a real team." She quickly attempted to correct herself, stumbling over her words. Paulo Wanchope looked like a "real" person to me. I saw him on tv!

After Ecuador's Ivan Kaviedes scored a goal, he pulled a mask from his shorts and put it on in celebration. Eric Wynalda called this celebration "ridiculous." Reece Davis then eloquently explained that Kaviedes was honoring his former teammate who had died in a car accident. You're a fucker Eric Wynalda.

American Eddie Johnson was describing the team's visit to an American military base in Germany at a press conference. He said that soldiers and soccer players have a similar responsibility when representing their country abroad. Eric Wynalda first said that anyone who would be upset by that must have misunderstood Eddie Johnson. Later Eric Wynalda said that Eddie Johnson shouldn't have said that, but he was just a young kid who got excited.

This doesn't seem like a racist remark on the surface (Johnson is black, Wynalda is white), until you realize that Wynalda made virtually the same analogy earlier. An audio tape of USA coach Bruce Arena's phone conversation with George W. Bush was played on air. Afterwards, Wynalda said that there' s no better man than Bush to lead you into battle (Wynalda must be watching a lot of Fox News lately). That's a clear war analogy from Wynalda (and it's inaccurate, there are plenty of people that I'd rather have: eg. Gandhi). But Wynalda still had the gall to dismiss Johnson's comment as coming from an ignorant kid. Eric Wynalda, you’re a hypocritical racist.

This is my weakest example. Rob Stone said that Angola's Loco had the tournament's worst hairstyle (Zindane anyone?). He described Loco's haircut as a front mullet. I wondered if the hairstyle has any cultural significance, a la Kaviedes and his masked celebration. I don't know, just wondering.

Anyone know if there are any Jewish players on a World Cup roster this time around?

World Cup Good, Soccer Fans Bad

The World Cup has been going on for over a wekk now and I must say the World Cup has been fun. I'm admittedly not a soccer expert at all, but I (try to) wake up every morning and watch the games. Ecuador has surprised some by advancing to the 2nd round. Trinidad and Tobago and Angola have pulled off surprising ties, Ghana grabbed an upset win, and the US got screwed in the Italy game. I like how there aren't any commercial breaks during the game, a welcomed change from American sports.

But some things bother me. I hate when the soccer player fake an injury. Sometimes they aren't faking, but you still scratch your head and wonder how the guy got injured on the play. Compared to baseball, basketball, and especially football players, there's no comparison, soccer players are wimps. Basketball players certainly flop in order to try and draw a foul, but they don't roll around on the ground crying afterward.

My biggest problem is with the soccer fans. No, not the neo-Nazi hooligans. Ok, I do have a problem with them, but I'm talking about the soccer geeks right now. Yes, ESPN announcer Dave O'Brien is terrible, but I've read some really stupid reasons why people feel the same way.

O'Brien emphasizes totally irrelevant facts and then repeats them like he's beating that already dead Columbian player who had an own goal in the 1994 World Cup. He obviously doesn't know too much about soccer, that's why he's the play-by-play guy and not the analyst. These are legitimate reasons not to like him.

Someone wrote that he makes too many references to other sports. Thus, he does, but there isn't anything wrong with that. It's the fact that he makes bad references that is annoying.

Another criticism is that he loved Peter Crouch's dance too much. He liked it, so what? Someone said that he sucks because he assumed that the audience wasn't filled with soccer experts. Obviously, you idiot! I'm a big basketball fan. During the Finals they explain simple things (there's 24 seconds to shoot the basketball and hit the rim) to attract more fans. It makes sense, the casual fan watches championships, quit whining.

Someone was upset that O'Brien called David Beckham's cross a "rocket" when it was just a "mild cross." What the fuck, who cares? It looked pretty good to me, but I digress, I don't know much about soccer. However, if someone said something similar in a basketball game, I would think, "No it wasn't," and move on with my life. And clearly these soccer fans have never heard of Bill Walton: "Good defensive players don't take charges." Now, he's an idiot.

Another soccer fan said that Dave O'Brien has a boring stlye more suitable for baseball. They claim his voice doesn't change when the ball is moving around like a pinball. It's soccer, the ball never moves around like a pinball! Baseball is a game of anticipation. Once the ball is hit, that anticipation ends and there are spasms of action. Soccer is a lot like masturbation. The tension keeps building until either the actions slows (like thinking about Barbara Bush) or a goal is scored and the tension is relieved (uh... you know). His style is fine.

That was cathartic. I won't let American soccer geeks bother me anymore. Those European neo-Nazi soccer fans however....

World Cup Update

Angola lost to Portugal.
Poland lost to Germany.
All I have left is Trinidad and Tobago hopefully beating England and Togo hopefully defeating France.

My family came from Poland. Poland got their brains beat out. I live in America. America lost even worse. My family also came from Ukraine. They took the worst beating in the Cup thus far!

Players that I like:
Paulo Wanchope (Costa Rica)
Jervis Drummond (Costa Rica)
Jorge Guagua (Ecuador)
Luis Valencia (Ecuador)
Shaka Hislop (Trinidad & Tobago)
Zinha (Mexico)
Bosko Balaban (Croatia)
Razak Pimpong (Ghana)
Joao Ricardo (Angola)

Players that I don't like:
Kaka (Brazil)
Bobby Convey (USA)
Frank Ribery (France) The Bobby Convey of France
Portugal's team

The Iranian and Mexican Threat

ESPN Announcer Dave O'Brien drew the picture. Yes, this was a soccer game, but it was more. In the following 90 minutes, O'Brien claimed, all of the politics, all of the history, and all of the tension would be played out on the soccer field...

I am a history student. Someday I'll have enough self-confidence to call myself a historian. Regardless of my sense of self, I was pretty sure Mexico and Iran, the two teams playing "in the following 90 minutes" didn't have much to do with each other, historically or presently.

Of course, the dispute with Iran's proposed nuclear desires has been a point of contention with the US. Likewise, immigration from Mexico has been a hot political issue here in America. But America wasn't playing Iran or Mexico. They were playing each other! So shut the fuck up Dave O'Brien! Learn how to say Iran properly and enough with the shadows. Shadows impact soccer matches, shadows impact baseball games, shadows impact your sexual prowess... just shut up with the shadows asshole.

I perceived the German fans' booing of the Iranian team was because of the Iranian president's denial of the Holocaust (kind of a touchy subject in Germany). I must admit that made me uncomfortable. I can't really explain it.

As far as Holocaust denial, Ahmadnejad doesn't bother me. To put it bluntly, he is the president of a country that I'm not afraid of. His Holocaust denial doesn't pose much of a threat. Now, if Bush denied the Holocaust, I'd be worried. But I'm already worried because he's such a Jesus freak, yet "loves" Jews. Basically, just leave us alone.

Let's go ANGOLA!!!

More From the World Cup

I hope Poland beats Germany. That would make up for the Holocaust.

I really want Angola to beat Portugal- their former imperialists. I remember when Senegal beat France in the 2002 World Cup. Even for a not-very-knowledgeable soccer fan, it was hard to miss the emotion surrounding that match. That was really just great, that's the only way to describe that moment: great.

7 of the 23 Ukrainian players are named Andriy.

7 of the 23 Saudi players are named Muhammad.

My All Names team:
Razak Pimpong (Ghana) - His theme song should be KRS-One's new song "Bling Blong."
Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (Netherlands) - "of Hesselink?" It's not the 15th century anymore.
Ludovic Assemoassa (Togo) - read "ass-e-mo-ass-a." Awesome. Plus... Ludovic?
Iniesta (Spain) - The whole one name thing seems to be an Iberian/ former Iberian colonies fad. Iniesta represents the ridiculousness of it. Especially since "Iniesta" means "huge penis" in Spanish. Maybe... I don't really speak Spanish.
Bosko Balaban (Croatia) - My favorite. BOSKO BAL-A-BAN!!!!!

My Official World Cup Predictions

The teams that will advance past the group stage:
Group A: Germany, Costa Rica; Group B: England, Paraguay; Group C: Argentina, Netherlands; Group D: Mexico, Angola; Group E: USA, Italy; Group F: Brazil, Japan; Group G: France, Korea; Group H: Spain, Ukraine.

Quarterfinals (team beaten in round of 16):
Germany (Par) over Argentina (Ang)
USA (Jpn) over France (Ukr)
England (CR) over Mexico (Net)
Brazil (Ita) over Spain (Kor)

Semis- USA over Germany; Brazil over England;

Final (3rd Place)
USA over Brazil (Germany over England)

Yeah, that's a homer pick. Please keep in mind that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Gentile Soccer Fans are Proud to be Jews

The Dutch soccer club Ajax's supporters have been called "Jews" for the last fifty years by the fans of rival squads. In response, the Ajax's fans take pride in their adopted identity. The bizarre thing is that few of these fans are actually Jewish. When I first read this article, I wasn't sure what to make of it. It just seemed confusing. After thinking about it a bit, it seems an awful lot like minstrel shows in the United States over the last two centuries. This is where white people "perform" in blackface and mock black people. Some of these "performers" have, unfortunately, also been Jewish.

It is perfectly legitimate to take pride in another's culture. I would welcome anyone to take pride in the legacy of persistence and courage of the Jewish people. We might take pride in that same type of courage and willingness to fight for their rights that black Americans have displayed. Or in the Indians determination to obtain self-rule and cast the British out of their land. Or the honor and grace of the Native Americans in their dealings with the European colonists. And the list goes on and on. We do not have to be a member of a particular group to appreciate what they have given the world.

Having said that, these fans do not seem to comprehend the meaning of being Jewish. Being Jewish is more than withstanding anti-Semitism's notorious past or unfortunate present. In addition, withstanding anti-Semitism is more than receiving a few quips at a soccer game and then having the ability to forget on the way home after the game. Being Jewish is a set of rules and rituals for sure, but it is also an identity. One that does not leave after a match is over. It is one that never leaves us. Sometimes it haunts us, sometimes it is a source of pride, and sometimes it is neutral, but it is always there for those of us who are truly Jewish. It may seem exotic and thrilling to some to be the recipient of some crude anti-Jewish remark, but for the Jews who have been on the end of such vile, it is a pain that stays with us until our dying day, whether we acknowledge it or not. Being Jewish is not for amateurs or part-timers, for some of us, it is reality.

Here's the highlights:
A Dutch Soccer Riddle: Jewish Regalia Without Jews
Amsterdam Journal
By Craig Smith

"Jews, Jews, Jews!" thousands of voices cried.

Fans arrived with hats, jackets and scarves embroidered with Hebrew writing.

Few, if any, of these people are Jewish.

For years, the team's management supported that unique identity. But over time what seemed to many people like a harmless - if peculiar - custom has taken on a more sinister tone.

Fans of Ajax's biggest rivals began giving the Nazis' signature straight-arm salute or chanting "Hamas, Hamas!" to provoke Ajax supporters. Ajax games have been marred by shouts of "Jews to the gas!" or simply hissing to simulate the sound of gas escaping.

Nonetheless, the club became identified in the public mind with Jews in the 1950's, and by the 1970's, opposing fans began to call Ajax supporters Jews. The supporters adopted the identity in a spirit of defiance.

"Not only Jews are bothered by this," said Mr. Jaakke, "I'm not Jewish and I hate it, too."

Mr. Jaakke said there had been some suggestion that fans substitute the word "Goden," or gods, for "Joden," or Jews, and call themselves "sons of gods," on the logic that Ajax was a sort of god.

Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/28/international/europe/28ajax.html?incamp=article_popular_2