World Cup Good, Soccer Fans Bad

The World Cup has been going on for over a wekk now and I must say the World Cup has been fun. I'm admittedly not a soccer expert at all, but I (try to) wake up every morning and watch the games. Ecuador has surprised some by advancing to the 2nd round. Trinidad and Tobago and Angola have pulled off surprising ties, Ghana grabbed an upset win, and the US got screwed in the Italy game. I like how there aren't any commercial breaks during the game, a welcomed change from American sports.

But some things bother me. I hate when the soccer player fake an injury. Sometimes they aren't faking, but you still scratch your head and wonder how the guy got injured on the play. Compared to baseball, basketball, and especially football players, there's no comparison, soccer players are wimps. Basketball players certainly flop in order to try and draw a foul, but they don't roll around on the ground crying afterward.

My biggest problem is with the soccer fans. No, not the neo-Nazi hooligans. Ok, I do have a problem with them, but I'm talking about the soccer geeks right now. Yes, ESPN announcer Dave O'Brien is terrible, but I've read some really stupid reasons why people feel the same way.

O'Brien emphasizes totally irrelevant facts and then repeats them like he's beating that already dead Columbian player who had an own goal in the 1994 World Cup. He obviously doesn't know too much about soccer, that's why he's the play-by-play guy and not the analyst. These are legitimate reasons not to like him.

Someone wrote that he makes too many references to other sports. Thus, he does, but there isn't anything wrong with that. It's the fact that he makes bad references that is annoying.

Another criticism is that he loved Peter Crouch's dance too much. He liked it, so what? Someone said that he sucks because he assumed that the audience wasn't filled with soccer experts. Obviously, you idiot! I'm a big basketball fan. During the Finals they explain simple things (there's 24 seconds to shoot the basketball and hit the rim) to attract more fans. It makes sense, the casual fan watches championships, quit whining.

Someone was upset that O'Brien called David Beckham's cross a "rocket" when it was just a "mild cross." What the fuck, who cares? It looked pretty good to me, but I digress, I don't know much about soccer. However, if someone said something similar in a basketball game, I would think, "No it wasn't," and move on with my life. And clearly these soccer fans have never heard of Bill Walton: "Good defensive players don't take charges." Now, he's an idiot.

Another soccer fan said that Dave O'Brien has a boring stlye more suitable for baseball. They claim his voice doesn't change when the ball is moving around like a pinball. It's soccer, the ball never moves around like a pinball! Baseball is a game of anticipation. Once the ball is hit, that anticipation ends and there are spasms of action. Soccer is a lot like masturbation. The tension keeps building until either the actions slows (like thinking about Barbara Bush) or a goal is scored and the tension is relieved (uh... you know). His style is fine.

That was cathartic. I won't let American soccer geeks bother me anymore. Those European neo-Nazi soccer fans however....