Crowds in Egypt have been protesting boisterously. Rumors of a resignation swirled earlier in the day. And then, finally, after decades of autocratic rule, a tyrant resigned. Jerry Sloan resigned as coach of the Utah Jazz.
Sloan apparently feuded with his general manager Kevin O'Connor and his star player Deron Williams. Sloan, a gritty player, made the Basketball Hall of Fame as a coach in 2009 despite only making two NBA Finals during his 23 year career as head coach of the Jazz.
But Hosni Mubarak defiantly hangs on. Mubarak is apparently a little more oblivious than Jerry Sloan.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Correction: An Ugly Rumor
My fellow citizens, I have been informed by my Washington-based PR firm, Weinberger & Brack, that I do not in fact eat people because they're delicious. In fact, I've been told that I don't eat people at all. So there you go.
Also, remember to buy my The Tiny Teal Book available at Amazon.com for $12.95. You can also get it for less from eBay, but it's a felony to sell The Tiny Teal Book or buy it for less than full price, so maybe you shouldn't do that.
Quotations from The Tiny Teal Book
"Ask not what your country can do for you you selfish motherfucker."
"The greatest gift you can give your nation is a bunch of hot daughters."
"Work will set you free. A lot of work. Like a lifetime's worth."
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you... unless it's delicious."
Also, remember to buy my The Tiny Teal Book available at Amazon.com for $12.95. You can also get it for less from eBay, but it's a felony to sell The Tiny Teal Book or buy it for less than full price, so maybe you shouldn't do that.
Quotations from The Tiny Teal Book
"Ask not what your country can do for you you selfish motherfucker."
"The greatest gift you can give your nation is a bunch of hot daughters."
"Work will set you free. A lot of work. Like a lifetime's worth."
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you... unless it's delicious."
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
An Ugly Rumor
A vicious rumor that holds absolutely no validity has been spreading about me, my dear citizens. People have claimed that your Dear and Fearless Leader eats people who disagree with him politically. Let me repeat, that is simply not true! I eat people because they're delicious. Political bent has nothing to do with it. It's absurd to think it does.
Remember, my The Tiny Teal Book is still on sale at all Amazon.com locations for $12.95.
Quotations from The Tiny Teal Book
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Especially when you're playing cards with me; I'm a sore loser with a lot of power."
"I'm going to Disney Land... thanks to your hard earned tax dollars. It's great to be in charge!"
Some say 'luck is when preparation meets opportunity.' I say luck is being next person in the buffet line when I feel full."
Remember, my The Tiny Teal Book is still on sale at all Amazon.com locations for $12.95.
Quotations from The Tiny Teal Book
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Especially when you're playing cards with me; I'm a sore loser with a lot of power."
"I'm going to Disney Land... thanks to your hard earned tax dollars. It's great to be in charge!"
Some say 'luck is when preparation meets opportunity.' I say luck is being next person in the buffet line when I feel full."
Monday, February 07, 2011
Top 5 QBs and RBs Now
This list takes more into account than one pass, one game, or even one season. But it's not a list one the best who happen to be active. It also isn't a prediction of what will happen either. Injuries are not ignored. The previous list was posted on February 18, 2010.
Quarterbacks (Previous Rank)
1. Peyton Manning (1)
2. Tom Brady (3)
3. Drew Brees (2)
4. Michael Vick (NR)
5. Aaron Rogers (NR)
Running Backs
1. Adrian Peterson (1)
2. Chris Johnson (2)
3. Ray Rice (NR)
4. Jamaal Charles (NR)
5. Arian Foster (NR)
Quarterbacks (Previous Rank)
1. Peyton Manning (1)
2. Tom Brady (3)
3. Drew Brees (2)
4. Michael Vick (NR)
5. Aaron Rogers (NR)
Running Backs
1. Adrian Peterson (1)
2. Chris Johnson (2)
3. Ray Rice (NR)
4. Jamaal Charles (NR)
5. Arian Foster (NR)
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Super Bowl XLV Recap
The Green Bay Packers won their 4th Super Bowl and their first since 1997. The defeated the Steelers 31-25. Turnovers told the story. The Steelers committed three while the Packers gave up none. All three Steelers turnovers were converted into Packer touchdowns.
The Packers were the first to break through, driving down the field and scoring a touchdown. On the next possession, Roethlisberger was hit as he threw, which resulted in a Collins interception returned for another touchdown. It was 21-3 with the first half winding down. The Packers scored another touchdown off of another Roethlisberger interception. The Steelers were able to march down the field on the strength of the running game to cut the halftime lead to 21-10 in favor of the Packers.
The Steelers grabbed momentum early in the second half. A TD drive made a 21-17 game. The Packers were showing nerves. They were making dumb plays as when Williams smacked a Steeler in the head during a punt. Pittsburgh was driving in for the go ahead score. At the outset of the 4th quarter, Mendenhaal fumbled. The Packers drove for another touchdown.
Down 28-17 with 12 minutes to go in the game, Pittsburgh didn't give in. The came right back and Roethlisberger hit Wallace for a 25 yard touchdown pass. The Steelers converted the 2 point attempt on an option play.
But the Packers offense staged another methodical drive. it was remarkable in that they struggled to run the ball all game long. Green Bay could only muster a field goal and with two minutes left, The Steelers had one last chance, down 31-25.
A dumb penalty on Fox was an inauspicious start to the potential championship-winning drive. Things didn't get much better from there and after only one first down, the Steelers turned the ball over on downs to cap their season. Aaron Rodgers was the Super Bowl MVP with 304 yards passing and 3 TDs.
The best commercial was the Reply All ad. The worst was the Tibet one, which was just offensive.
The Packers were the first to break through, driving down the field and scoring a touchdown. On the next possession, Roethlisberger was hit as he threw, which resulted in a Collins interception returned for another touchdown. It was 21-3 with the first half winding down. The Packers scored another touchdown off of another Roethlisberger interception. The Steelers were able to march down the field on the strength of the running game to cut the halftime lead to 21-10 in favor of the Packers.
The Steelers grabbed momentum early in the second half. A TD drive made a 21-17 game. The Packers were showing nerves. They were making dumb plays as when Williams smacked a Steeler in the head during a punt. Pittsburgh was driving in for the go ahead score. At the outset of the 4th quarter, Mendenhaal fumbled. The Packers drove for another touchdown.
Down 28-17 with 12 minutes to go in the game, Pittsburgh didn't give in. The came right back and Roethlisberger hit Wallace for a 25 yard touchdown pass. The Steelers converted the 2 point attempt on an option play.
But the Packers offense staged another methodical drive. it was remarkable in that they struggled to run the ball all game long. Green Bay could only muster a field goal and with two minutes left, The Steelers had one last chance, down 31-25.
A dumb penalty on Fox was an inauspicious start to the potential championship-winning drive. Things didn't get much better from there and after only one first down, the Steelers turned the ball over on downs to cap their season. Aaron Rodgers was the Super Bowl MVP with 304 yards passing and 3 TDs.
The best commercial was the Reply All ad. The worst was the Tibet one, which was just offensive.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Super Bowl XLV Preview
2) Pittsburgh Steelers 14-4 vs. 6) Green Bay Packers 13-6
Recent Super Bowl History
The Steelers are making their third Super Bowl since 2006. They are 2-0 in those games. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is starting in his third. Head coach Mike Tomlin is leading his team to their second Super Bowl. The Packers haven't made the Super Bowl since 1998 and don't have a player who has won an NFL championship on the roster.
How They Got Here
Overcoming Roethlisberger's 4 game suspension at the outset of the year, the Steelers have been a title contender throughout the season. They rely on their hardnosed defense, tough running game, and on their quarterback's propensity to make a big play in the clutch.
The Packers were one of the favorites in the NFC at the beginning of the year. But the loss of starting running Ryan Grant proved a tough hurdle for much of the season. The Packers needed a last season surge to creep into the playoffs, where they've won three road games and have looked impressive. Green Bay has a high-flying passing assault and a very underrated defense that is no stranger to making big plays.
How the Game Will Shape Up
I'm counting on this game being a defensive struggle. For the Packers, cornerback Charles Woodson can change a game on a corner blitz. He's Green Bay's answer to Troy Polamalu, the defensive player of the year. The Packers do not contain a running game, which will free up Polamalu to make plays against the Packers' passing attack.
The Steelers' low-risk running game and Roethlisberger's calm under fire could very well carry the day. Limiting turnovers will be the key objective in a game with two great defenses. The Steelers are more prepared to do so. That the Packers cannot move the ball on the ground should be their undoing.
Prediction
To win my family pool for the entire season (I'm down by 1) I need the Steelers to win (or at least lose by fewer than 2.5). To win the tie-breaker, both teams need to score fewer than 39.5 points combined. I believe it will happen as Pittsburgh will win 21-14.
Recent Super Bowl History
The Steelers are making their third Super Bowl since 2006. They are 2-0 in those games. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is starting in his third. Head coach Mike Tomlin is leading his team to their second Super Bowl. The Packers haven't made the Super Bowl since 1998 and don't have a player who has won an NFL championship on the roster.
How They Got Here
Overcoming Roethlisberger's 4 game suspension at the outset of the year, the Steelers have been a title contender throughout the season. They rely on their hardnosed defense, tough running game, and on their quarterback's propensity to make a big play in the clutch.
The Packers were one of the favorites in the NFC at the beginning of the year. But the loss of starting running Ryan Grant proved a tough hurdle for much of the season. The Packers needed a last season surge to creep into the playoffs, where they've won three road games and have looked impressive. Green Bay has a high-flying passing assault and a very underrated defense that is no stranger to making big plays.
How the Game Will Shape Up
I'm counting on this game being a defensive struggle. For the Packers, cornerback Charles Woodson can change a game on a corner blitz. He's Green Bay's answer to Troy Polamalu, the defensive player of the year. The Packers do not contain a running game, which will free up Polamalu to make plays against the Packers' passing attack.
The Steelers' low-risk running game and Roethlisberger's calm under fire could very well carry the day. Limiting turnovers will be the key objective in a game with two great defenses. The Steelers are more prepared to do so. That the Packers cannot move the ball on the ground should be their undoing.
Prediction
To win my family pool for the entire season (I'm down by 1) I need the Steelers to win (or at least lose by fewer than 2.5). To win the tie-breaker, both teams need to score fewer than 39.5 points combined. I believe it will happen as Pittsburgh will win 21-14.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Donald Rumsfeld's Memoir
Here are a few excerpts from Donald Rumsfeld's memoir: Do I Have Any Regrets? Read and Find Out
from page 1: Did I enjoy my time in my mother's uterus? It's difficult to say. Was it difficult to pass through my mother's vagina? Could be.
from page 128: Was my first time engaging in sexual relations a success? It depends how you define success. Did I bite her too much? Perhaps. Did I ejaculate far too quickly? That part is hazy. Was it a miserable experience for all involved? This is not the time to point fingers.
from page 374: Was the war in Iraq woefully mismanaged? It's possible. Was it tantamount to a crime to send U.S. soldiers into battle without proper body armor? It's easy to make accusations. Did I know all of the intricacies of Iraq before the invasion? No one can know everything. Could I have hired competent people to carry out the war? What's done is done. Was the torture perpetrated at Abu Ghraib a stain on the idea of America? It's a less than stellar metaphor. If I had to run the Iraq war again, would I do anything differently? No one gets a redo.
from page 1: Did I enjoy my time in my mother's uterus? It's difficult to say. Was it difficult to pass through my mother's vagina? Could be.
from page 128: Was my first time engaging in sexual relations a success? It depends how you define success. Did I bite her too much? Perhaps. Did I ejaculate far too quickly? That part is hazy. Was it a miserable experience for all involved? This is not the time to point fingers.
from page 374: Was the war in Iraq woefully mismanaged? It's possible. Was it tantamount to a crime to send U.S. soldiers into battle without proper body armor? It's easy to make accusations. Did I know all of the intricacies of Iraq before the invasion? No one can know everything. Could I have hired competent people to carry out the war? What's done is done. Was the torture perpetrated at Abu Ghraib a stain on the idea of America? It's a less than stellar metaphor. If I had to run the Iraq war again, would I do anything differently? No one gets a redo.
Thursday, February 03, 2011
The Egypt Crisis's Forgotten Victims
With the protests in Egypt turning violent as detractors and supporters of Hosni Mubarak battle for power, a forgotten victim has emerged. As the future of Mubarak's reign lays in wait, few seem to be concerned about a group sure to be heavily impacted by the crisis.
By way of generalization, Hosni Mubarak biographers are an educated bunch. But don't let that fool you into thinking that they have a variety of skills. They don't. They know about one subject- expertly so- and that's Hosni Mubarak.
"Whether or not a person is in power when you make a contract to write a book amounts to a $10,000 difference with regards to the advance," says Mubarak biographer Mahmoud Ahmed. Ahmed believes that the advance for his next book on Mubarak, his fifth on the subject, will be significantly less if Mubarak should be ousted from power.
"If Mubarak is no longer in charge of Egypt, who will care that he had two scrambled eggs, a piece of rye toast, and pulpy orange juice for breakfast on November 16, 1986? No one. It would become irrelevant," says another Mubarak biographer, James Kennedy, "And that's what my next book was supposed to be about! All 823 pages of it."
The most dire case of all Mubarak biographers belongs to Jessica Al-Farooq-Berg. Her first book on Mubarak is due out this coming Tuesday. "If he's still in power next Tuesday, my kids will eat, because people will still be interested." Al-Farooq-Berg continues, "If he's gone by then, my family's doomed, because no one will care about Mubarak anymore. He'd be yesterday's news."
By way of generalization, Hosni Mubarak biographers are an educated bunch. But don't let that fool you into thinking that they have a variety of skills. They don't. They know about one subject- expertly so- and that's Hosni Mubarak.
"Whether or not a person is in power when you make a contract to write a book amounts to a $10,000 difference with regards to the advance," says Mubarak biographer Mahmoud Ahmed. Ahmed believes that the advance for his next book on Mubarak, his fifth on the subject, will be significantly less if Mubarak should be ousted from power.
"If Mubarak is no longer in charge of Egypt, who will care that he had two scrambled eggs, a piece of rye toast, and pulpy orange juice for breakfast on November 16, 1986? No one. It would become irrelevant," says another Mubarak biographer, James Kennedy, "And that's what my next book was supposed to be about! All 823 pages of it."
The most dire case of all Mubarak biographers belongs to Jessica Al-Farooq-Berg. Her first book on Mubarak is due out this coming Tuesday. "If he's still in power next Tuesday, my kids will eat, because people will still be interested." Al-Farooq-Berg continues, "If he's gone by then, my family's doomed, because no one will care about Mubarak anymore. He'd be yesterday's news."
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Hosni Mubarak's Latest Speech
Editor's note: Here is an exclusive look at Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak's most recent speech in the wake of mass protests against his rule.
I've offered to leave at the end of my term just to appease you. You've rejected me. You want me out. My heart sheds a thousands tears at the prospect of leaving you. A day without you would be more painful than a million filled with torture.
We've been together for these past 30 years. They have been the best 30 years of my life. Every one of those nights, in my dreams, I've seen you, I've felt you. How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?
You've asked me to leave. But every day with you has been special. I remember when we first came together. Life was beautiful then. I remember that time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again. But you wish it would die. If I have to sacrifice, if I have to take apart, all that I am, there isn't anything I would not do, because I would die without you.
But the protests keep mounting. Nothing I seem to say will bring you back to me. I go out every night and sleep all day since you took your love away. I feel so lost without you. I feel so sad, I don't know what to do.
Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying, "I love you."
I've offered to leave at the end of my term just to appease you. You've rejected me. You want me out. My heart sheds a thousands tears at the prospect of leaving you. A day without you would be more painful than a million filled with torture.
We've been together for these past 30 years. They have been the best 30 years of my life. Every one of those nights, in my dreams, I've seen you, I've felt you. How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?
You've asked me to leave. But every day with you has been special. I remember when we first came together. Life was beautiful then. I remember that time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again. But you wish it would die. If I have to sacrifice, if I have to take apart, all that I am, there isn't anything I would not do, because I would die without you.
But the protests keep mounting. Nothing I seem to say will bring you back to me. I go out every night and sleep all day since you took your love away. I feel so lost without you. I feel so sad, I don't know what to do.
Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying, "I love you."
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Internal Revolutions over U.S. Invasions
The recent developments in Egypt, Tunisia, and Sudan show that the people of those countries are strong. They don't need the United States to determine their political futures for them. As a result, the path of those countries is likely to be healthier- especially Egypt and Tunisia- than Iraq's or Afghanistan's. Internal revolutions are always more positive than foreign impositions. The reason has to do with legitimacy. More than freedom, democracy, or capitalism, legitimacy is the primary factor as to whether a political entity will succeed. Popular internal movements provide legitimacy, not foreign invasions.
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