This guy, who was analyzing the performances of boxing announcers, apparently has a wall of shame entitled "People I hate for being unexplainably and unjustifiably pompous" complete with framed photos of said people. It's all pretty ironic because having a wall of shame for people who are "unexplainably and unjustifiably pompous" is, by definition, unexplainably and unjustifiably pompous.
One additional aspect that irked me about the wall was the inclusion of SportsCenter anchor Brian Kenny. To me, Kenny's public personality seems about as opposite from pompous as you can get. It's more like he can't believe what great fortune he has incurred to have such a great job. He comes across as quite humble, occasionally deviating by dropping in an opinion, which is usually sensible. As far as Brian Kenny is concerned, I think this guy has got it dead wrong. But maybe he knows Brian Kenny personally or something. Then, I digress.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Behind the State Senator
On Route 32 West this afternoon, I found myself caught behind a painfully slow-moving car in the left lane. When I passed the dawdling car, I saw that it has a Maryland license plate. It also had the word Senate on it and a number in the 90s. Inside was an older white man with a suit.
On the one hand, the state senator should be admired for setting a good example, crawling below the speed limit, even in the left lane. On the other hand, the jackass was on a cell phone, probably the cause of his car's leisurely pace.
On the one hand, the state senator should be admired for setting a good example, crawling below the speed limit, even in the left lane. On the other hand, the jackass was on a cell phone, probably the cause of his car's leisurely pace.
Monday, April 12, 2010
ELL, Season 7, Week 7
Evil leaders are a lot like women. They'll rip your heart out. The ELL site is here.
Kim vs Karzai
With instability on the rise in North Korea, people are continuing to flee to that beacon, that bastion of authoritarian isolation, China. When your citizens are going in droves to an overcrowded communist nation, you know you done fucked things up. But there is speculation that people are only leaving because they don't want to catch whatever secret illness Kim Jong-Il has.
Hamid Karzai threw a hissy fit recently, claiming if the West forced reforms on his corrupt administration, he'd quit his post and join the Taliban. This is great news for the U.S.'s War on Terror! If Karzai joins the Taliban, his incompetent leadership will surely bring them down, a feat the U.S. military hasn't been able to accomplish.
I know you want to know the winners this week and made the evil playoffs for Season 7. You can find out at the ELL site here, if you're savvy enough.
Obiang vs Shwe
Following the news is making Teodoro Obiang feel down. The death of the Polish president, a coup in Kyrgyzstan, it's enough to make even the most entrenched dictator nervous. His doctors have advised Obiang to turn away from Fox News for a while and instead watch something healing, like The Marriage Ref.
Myanmar's Than Shwe hopes to gain legitimacy among his junta-ruling compadres in the upcoming Burmese elections. The elections will help him accomplish his two goals. The first is turning Myanmar into a nuclear state so that it can blackmail for aid in the fashion of North Korea. The other goal for the octogenarian is a Golden Girls reunion, which might be more difficult due to the deaths of Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty.
al-Bashir vs Morales
Even Ralph Nader boycotted the recent elections in Sudan and that guy has an electoral fetish stronger than Tiger Woods' for party girls. In fact, only one person's vote was counted. It happened to be that of longtime president Omar al-Bashir, who surprisingly voted for himself. Evo Morales had his own little election in Bolivia. I guess the cute indigenous authoritarian demagogue isn't as all-powerful as he thought. His party gained mixed success in the recent regional elections. It seems totalitarianism is no match when up against a little dose of democracy.
Ahmadinejad vs Belusconi
Iranian head honcho, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, wrote a letter to the UN's Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon, asking him to look into the attacks of September 11. The impetus was this awesome documentary Ahmadinejad saw on YouTube while he was high. In the correspondence, Ahmadinejad writes:
Dear Rev. Sun Myung,
Dude, on 9/11 the CIA put bombs in the buildings just as they were calling all of the Jews to stay home from work that day. And did you know that George W. Bush is an anagram for terrorist in Farsi? Check that shit out, Secretary Reverend.
Sincerely,
M. Ahmadin... whatever
Billionaire playoldman and corrupt Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlsuconi, had sex with me and everyone I know. He then took money from all of our bank accounts. I knew I shouldn't have trusted some random old man I saw wacking off on Chat Roulette. Live and learn.
click for Standings
Kim vs Karzai
With instability on the rise in North Korea, people are continuing to flee to that beacon, that bastion of authoritarian isolation, China. When your citizens are going in droves to an overcrowded communist nation, you know you done fucked things up. But there is speculation that people are only leaving because they don't want to catch whatever secret illness Kim Jong-Il has.
Hamid Karzai threw a hissy fit recently, claiming if the West forced reforms on his corrupt administration, he'd quit his post and join the Taliban. This is great news for the U.S.'s War on Terror! If Karzai joins the Taliban, his incompetent leadership will surely bring them down, a feat the U.S. military hasn't been able to accomplish.
I know you want to know the winners this week and made the evil playoffs for Season 7. You can find out at the ELL site here, if you're savvy enough.
Obiang vs Shwe
Following the news is making Teodoro Obiang feel down. The death of the Polish president, a coup in Kyrgyzstan, it's enough to make even the most entrenched dictator nervous. His doctors have advised Obiang to turn away from Fox News for a while and instead watch something healing, like The Marriage Ref.
Myanmar's Than Shwe hopes to gain legitimacy among his junta-ruling compadres in the upcoming Burmese elections. The elections will help him accomplish his two goals. The first is turning Myanmar into a nuclear state so that it can blackmail for aid in the fashion of North Korea. The other goal for the octogenarian is a Golden Girls reunion, which might be more difficult due to the deaths of Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty.
al-Bashir vs Morales
Even Ralph Nader boycotted the recent elections in Sudan and that guy has an electoral fetish stronger than Tiger Woods' for party girls. In fact, only one person's vote was counted. It happened to be that of longtime president Omar al-Bashir, who surprisingly voted for himself. Evo Morales had his own little election in Bolivia. I guess the cute indigenous authoritarian demagogue isn't as all-powerful as he thought. His party gained mixed success in the recent regional elections. It seems totalitarianism is no match when up against a little dose of democracy.
Ahmadinejad vs Belusconi
Iranian head honcho, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, wrote a letter to the UN's Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon, asking him to look into the attacks of September 11. The impetus was this awesome documentary Ahmadinejad saw on YouTube while he was high. In the correspondence, Ahmadinejad writes:
Dear Rev. Sun Myung,
Dude, on 9/11 the CIA put bombs in the buildings just as they were calling all of the Jews to stay home from work that day. And did you know that George W. Bush is an anagram for terrorist in Farsi? Check that shit out, Secretary Reverend.
Sincerely,
M. Ahmadin... whatever
Billionaire playoldman and corrupt Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlsuconi, had sex with me and everyone I know. He then took money from all of our bank accounts. I knew I shouldn't have trusted some random old man I saw wacking off on Chat Roulette. Live and learn.
click for Standings
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The Road to Cooperstown
Last week I went to the Baseball Hall of Fame, a dream of mine since I was young. If you're a fan of the history of baseball, it's well worth it. There were a lot of "wow!" moments. Jackie Robinson's shoes, Roberto Clemente's jersey, and all kinds of cool stuff like that.
I drove to Cooperstown from Westchester County, New York, where I had stayed the night before. You take Route 87 most of the way there. I saw a number of cars pulled over by the police. Every time, and I mean every time, the driver of the pulled-over car was black. It was an amazing "coincidence" considering that there weren't many black people on that road otherwise.
I drove to Cooperstown from Westchester County, New York, where I had stayed the night before. You take Route 87 most of the way there. I saw a number of cars pulled over by the police. Every time, and I mean every time, the driver of the pulled-over car was black. It was an amazing "coincidence" considering that there weren't many black people on that road otherwise.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
I'm Back
It's been a while since I've decreed anything my dear citizens. Why was I gone? Let's just say the Tajikistan Crisis took a lot out of me. You may have heard rumors about a car accident and a golf club. I don't want to get into that. All I'll say at this point is that I have not been true to my values and the behavior my nation deserves. I have let my citizens down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.
With that being said, let's dust off the old decree maker.
Today's decrees
A truly great nation must pay its dues. Our nation's beloved citizens are only allowed to go outside when the weather is nice if, and only if, they were outside when it wasn't.
Our new national currency will be chest hair.
The new wealthiest citizen of our great land is my grandmother.
With that being said, let's dust off the old decree maker.
Today's decrees
A truly great nation must pay its dues. Our nation's beloved citizens are only allowed to go outside when the weather is nice if, and only if, they were outside when it wasn't.
Our new national currency will be chest hair.
The new wealthiest citizen of our great land is my grandmother.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
The Tournament Championships
No one gave Gordon Hayward the script. He was supposed to make one of the those last two shots. But he played well. Matt Howard, however, did not. Duke was able to utilize their size, leading to numerous offensive rebounds and easy out-of-bounds-plays near the rim.
The tragedy of Butler's loss was that this team will be remembered as having a great run. Their might be an addendum, "They were for real." But that should be obvious. It doesn't need to be stated. Just because they played in the Horizon League, doesn't mean the question as to whether or not they were for real should be raised. Unfortunately, sweeping the Horizon League counts for less than going 11-5 in the Big 10 or the SEC. College basketball should reward winning. Butler is a winning team. But Duke came away with the title.
For me, women's basketball is like a freind that you only see once in a while, but it should be more frequently. Circumstances. UCONN's streak finally ended. The Huskies laid an egg in the first half against Stanford. But Maya Moore is so good. She put UCONN on her back and the team stormed back, costing to a relatively easy victory. But wait, didn't I say UCONN's streak ended? It did. Their streak of 77 consecutive wins... by double digits. UCONN won by 6.
The tragedy of Butler's loss was that this team will be remembered as having a great run. Their might be an addendum, "They were for real." But that should be obvious. It doesn't need to be stated. Just because they played in the Horizon League, doesn't mean the question as to whether or not they were for real should be raised. Unfortunately, sweeping the Horizon League counts for less than going 11-5 in the Big 10 or the SEC. College basketball should reward winning. Butler is a winning team. But Duke came away with the title.
For me, women's basketball is like a freind that you only see once in a while, but it should be more frequently. Circumstances. UCONN's streak finally ended. The Huskies laid an egg in the first half against Stanford. But Maya Moore is so good. She put UCONN on her back and the team stormed back, costing to a relatively easy victory. But wait, didn't I say UCONN's streak ended? It did. Their streak of 77 consecutive wins... by double digits. UCONN won by 6.
Monday, April 05, 2010
The NCAA Finals
The men's final features schools names after professions that are indications of their respective statuses in basketball. Butler could be a low-level employee of Duke, the basketball nobles. Duke's main strength against Butler is their talent down low. They don't have any world beaters in the paint, but Butler can't match Duke's size. In fact, Butler has been lucky to avoid a team with Duke's size. Matt Howard, who has been terrible all tournament, must play well.
Butler is a great defensive team. They could struggle on offense. If they experience droughts as they did against Michigan State, they will lose. But I think they'll hang in. Duke could be overconfident. They shouldn't be. This team hasn't been here before either. I've got Butler winning a low-scoring affair.
On the women's side, I'm thoroughly impressed with Mya Moore and Tina Charles. Especially, Charles, who swished beautiful hooks with either hand against a gigantic defensive star in Brittney Griner. No one shoots hooks at all, let alone that smooth, let alone with either hand.
Butler is a great defensive team. They could struggle on offense. If they experience droughts as they did against Michigan State, they will lose. But I think they'll hang in. Duke could be overconfident. They shouldn't be. This team hasn't been here before either. I've got Butler winning a low-scoring affair.
On the women's side, I'm thoroughly impressed with Mya Moore and Tina Charles. Especially, Charles, who swished beautiful hooks with either hand against a gigantic defensive star in Brittney Griner. No one shoots hooks at all, let alone that smooth, let alone with either hand.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Wizards/Nets
This may have been the worst NBA game of all time. The 2009-2010 season's bloopers could be filled just from this game alone. The coup de grace was Andray Blatche throwing a hissy fit after Cartier Martin stole a missed jumper and in the process, Blatche's triple double attempt.
Blatche, who had double digit assists only because New Jersey refuses to guard the opponent when they're anywhere near the basket, started jumping up and down, flailing his arms. To Martin's credit, he theatrically pounded his head, quickly realizing his 'mistake.' Martin tried to apologize, but Blatche wouldn't hear of it. With time running out, Blatche even raced to the basket, presumably hoping to grab his own intentional miss. Thankfully, that never came about.
I was greeted outside the arena by a guy screaming about Jesus on a bullhorn. In the metro, the guy sitting directly behind me must have just been dumped. A clue came in the form of the lyrics of the song he was bellowing. At least, it's not like we were the only two people in the metro car.
Blatche, who had double digit assists only because New Jersey refuses to guard the opponent when they're anywhere near the basket, started jumping up and down, flailing his arms. To Martin's credit, he theatrically pounded his head, quickly realizing his 'mistake.' Martin tried to apologize, but Blatche wouldn't hear of it. With time running out, Blatche even raced to the basket, presumably hoping to grab his own intentional miss. Thankfully, that never came about.
I was greeted outside the arena by a guy screaming about Jesus on a bullhorn. In the metro, the guy sitting directly behind me must have just been dumped. A clue came in the form of the lyrics of the song he was bellowing. At least, it's not like we were the only two people in the metro car.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
No Spring?
Doeesn't it feel like we skipped straight from Winter to Summer? Whatever happened to Spring? I blame the Chinese.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
10 Reasons Why Passover is Better than Easter
10. Easter doesn't make any sense
9. Easter is based on a lie
8. Bunnies, eggs, and peeps don't make any sense
7. Christians celebrate it
6. It celebrates Jesus Christ
5. The Pope covered up pedophilia
4. Mass on tv
3. Kneeling
2. Some places are closed on Easter
1. It's important to Pat Robertson
That being said, I think it's a wonderful holiday and Christians are lovely people.
9. Easter is based on a lie
8. Bunnies, eggs, and peeps don't make any sense
7. Christians celebrate it
6. It celebrates Jesus Christ
5. The Pope covered up pedophilia
4. Mass on tv
3. Kneeling
2. Some places are closed on Easter
1. It's important to Pat Robertson
That being said, I think it's a wonderful holiday and Christians are lovely people.
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