It's been a while since I've decreed anything my dear citizens. Why was I gone? Let's just say the Tajikistan Crisis took a lot out of me. You may have heard rumors about a car accident and a golf club. I don't want to get into that. All I'll say at this point is that I have not been true to my values and the behavior my nation deserves. I have let my citizens down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.
With that being said, let's dust off the old decree maker.
A truly great nation must pay its dues. Our nation's beloved citizens are only allowed to go outside when the weather is nice if, and only if, they were outside when it wasn't.
Our new national currency will be chest hair.
The new wealthiest citizen of our great land is my grandmother.