Ask Ted - Hiding Her Boyfriend

Dear Ted,

I just found out that a female friend of mine has a boyfriend. The worst part is that she's had a boyfriend for 8 months and never told me! I even met him 2 months ago and she described him as a friend before the meeting. She gave some lame excuse, like, they weren't serious so she didn't want to saying anything. I'm furious. I feel very betrayed. What should I do?

Help,
Outraged in Ocean City


Dear Outraged,

One thing you should not do is rape and murder and her. I can tell you that from personal experience. Other than that, I'll say you have a right to feel angry. She was not honest with you. You have to ask yourself, if this person is acting like a good friend. Also, she does not appear to be a very good girlfriend. She's more interested in keeping her options open, which is why she didn't want to tell you.

Ted Bundy is not a licensed therapist. He is, however, a convicted serial rapist and murderer.

Ask Ted - Left at the Park

Dear Ted,

My boyfriend and I were having a picnic in the park when we started to argue. I said something mean and then he just left. There I was all alone in the park, left with the picnic basket. He never came back. When I try to tell him how angry that made me, he just walks out of the room. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Abandoned in Arlington


Dear Abandoned,

Being able to argue in a constructive and honest manner is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. It is natural to fight with one another, but if you are not allowed to express your feelings with your boyfriend, then it might be time to leave. All that awaits your future if you stay are years of silence and frustration. He must allow you to not only say your piece, but engage in a constructive dialogue about your feelings AND share his own with you. It is never ok to leave a loved one alone in a park in the middle of fight unless he thought he may become violent, in which case, he needs to seek help.

One final thing: which park? Just curious.

Ted Bundy is not a licensed therapist. He is, however, a convicted serial rapist and murderer.

Ask Ted - Clash of Cultures

Dear Ted,

My girlfriend and I are of a different culture and religion. She can only marry someone of her own culture or she will be disowned by her family. My family and I are more open in our views. I'm not even sure how far our relationship could go if it were allowed to, but should we call it off now because it might hurt more later? Can I ask her to sacrifice that much?

Yours truly,
Frustrated in Frederick


Dear Frustrated,

Messing with tradition is always difficult. Ending it now might be the best way to go because, as you suggested, the longer you are together, the more pain could come from having to split. Remember, this isn't a romantic movie, it's real life, so if you ask her to make this gigantic sacrifice and she does, both of you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your lives. She might feel like she gave up so much for you that you'll never be able to make up for it. And that’s the best case scenario. Whatever you choose to do, let me make one suggestion- don't rape and murder her. Believe me, that never goes well; I know, I'm Ted Bundy.

Ted Bundy is not a licensed therapist. He is, however, a convicted serial rapist and murderer.

Ask Ted

Dear Ted,

I really like the guy I'm with. But I was raised as a strict Catholic and believe that masturbation is a sin. My boyfriend doesn't. I asked my brothers and each said that he has never masturbated. I'm not sure if I can be with someone who engages in a mortal sin such as masturbation. My boyfriend refuses to repent because he doesn't believe it's wrong. What should I do? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Befuddled in Baltimore


Dear Befuddled,

It sounds like your boyfriend is not willing to compromise. So this decision is totally on you. However, I must warn against bringing your brothers into this situation. It must have been an awkward conversation and there is no guarantee that they were being truthful given that they are your brothers. How do you tell your sister that you masturbate? The reality is that virtually every man has masturbated.

While it is always important to maintain ideals, this one might not be very realistic. It's possible that you're setting up yourself to end up with the first man who will lie to you about their masturbating past. If I were the guy and you broke up with me over this, I'd jerk off in an envelope and then mail it to you. Then, I'd send you a vibrator for your next birthday. And then I'd rape and murder you- after all, I am Ted Bundy.

Ted Bundy is not a licensed therapist. He is, however, a convicted serial rapist and murderer.