By: The Assorted Press
Stunning developments tonight on the Dirty bomb attacks of May 6 that allegedly gave the citizens in the Dear and Fearless Leader's entire nation genital warts.
Renowned scientist Homo von vander Schnitzel has determined that the epidemic could not have been caused by a series of dirty bomb explosions. He also claims that, after testing numerous afflicted individuals, the origin of the outbreak is a single source.
Dr. von vander Schnitzel was not prepared to go on record in naming the person who caused the genital warts wave. He merely was willing to say, "The blame lies with an individual who had access to the genitals of the nation. He has been powerful enough to demand sex from his citizens without facing punishment. He even passed a law making rape ethically acceptable, as if such a think were possible."
When asked whether Dr. von vander Schnitzel was referring to the Dear and Fearless Leader, the scientist remarked, "I have no comment."
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