My fellow citizens, I want to thank you for leaving Liberation Quadrilateral, so that we can try and renovate it into a Square. I can't stand those Bahrainiacs laughing at us. You see, dolling out $20 to each protestor and utilizing a gang of spontaneously hired thugs are two ways to quell protests.
As you surely remember, I decreed last Thursday that my book, The Tiny Teal Book, would be 20% off. Many of you took advantage of the sale to purchase the mandatory work of genius the New Yorker called, "Certainly, it is in book form, the cover is teal, and it is tiny."
What you clearly forgot was that it is a felony to buy it for less than full price. I apologize for my apparent deception, but it was necessary to weed out the frugal followers from the truly devoted. Now, here are more excerpts from the book.
Quotations from The Tiny Teal Book
"Lonely criminals break the law just so they can be wanted."
"When you protest against your leader, you are really just protesting against yourself."
"Democracy is a lot like women, I tend to rape them both."
"I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and accept the will of their oppressor. I have a dream today!"
"I fancy curvaceous posteriors and I shall not fib."
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