The WikiLeaks situation is merely part of my plan for governmental transparency. However, a recent Assorted Press article goes beyond open government, intentionally attempting to humiliate me by exposing embarrassing revelations. That really sticks in my craw.
Many are asking, did I really ask to titty fuck German Chancellor Angela Merkel? Let me make this clear, it depends on the definition of "did". If "did" means "didn't" then I didn't. And the same goes for the other alleged actions.
Now that that's been clarified, it's on to some distracting decrees.
Today's decrees
This is an ancient land, so only traditional lifestyles will be accepted.
I know the previous decree is kind of ambiguous, so I just want to make it clear that we're talking about gay people there.
I decree that my fantasy football team wins regardless of the actual results.
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