My fellow citizens, you may have heard that Tajikistan had a UN resolution proposed asking us to "cease and desist" from defending ourselves against a potential attack. Unfortunately, this despicable resolution was passed by the Security Council. On behalf of our nation, I would like to thank Russia and China for their support against the resolution and against Tajikistan's regrettable march towards war with our people.
But there is good news. The UN passed a fucking resolution against us. What's next, are they gonna call our mothers? Please. A promise from Bernie Madoff holds more weight. Oh no, if we don't comply with the UN, they might pass another resolution with even stronger language. Then we'd be in trouble!
Today's decrees
I decree that Tajikistan can go fuck themselves.
Due to apparent pressure from the US, Kyrgyzstan has withdrawn their offer allowing us access to the Manas Air Base in Bishkek. You know what, Kyrgyzstan can go fuck themselves too. And that goes for rest of them. We're not holding back any longer.
So, in summary: Fuck Tajikistan, fuck Kyrgyzstan, fuck Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan's cool, fuck Kazakhstan, we're out!
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