Well, my fellow citizens, it's been a week since we implemented the program, Los Animales de los Diez Milliones, and it has not gone well. Instead of doing their jobs, our citizens have roamed the land in search of animals to pet and feed. They've done a great job too. But in an ironic trick of the gods, the better our citizens do with the task at hand, the worse shape the economy is in.
Within one week, our economy has disintegrated. Roads and buildings are crumbling. Sick people are not able to find a adequate health care as doctors and nurses scour the countryside for squirrels to give nuts to. The banking system has collapsed. The military has vanished. Grungy people can be seen all over slowly walking in a zombie-like daze muttering to themselves, "Here kitty kitty. Nice kitty."
As your leader, I have the unique ability to recognize when something is not working. Los Animales de los Diez Milliones is not working; not because it was a stupid idea, but because you, the citizenry, have not handled it well. As your leader, I feel it my job to get our country back on track. I will do everything in my power to turn things around.
It's about time for a long vacation with my hot Tajik nurse Delruba. I'm going to my ranch to clear some brush and plow some land and yes I'm still talking about Delruba.
Lonely Planet has rated us as one of the top 10 nicest hellscapes to visit! I decree that you all give yourselves a pat on the back, you deserve it.