I would like to take this time to inform my dear citizens of all of the hats I wear in order to make sure your lives are as prosperous as is humanly possible. I know, I know, you thought I was only your "Dear and Fearless Leader." Oh ye of little faith. I actually have lots of official titles. Let me now state them in decree form.
Today's decrees
"Dear and Fearless Leader" hereby accepts the following titles and all of the responsibilities attached.
"Great Protector of the Populace"
"Savior of the People"
"Fosterer of Intellect"
"Grand Promoter of Happiness"
"King Bikini Inspector"
"Chili Cookoff Champion"
"Nation's Best Speller" *
"Chief Jay Strongbow"
"Grandmaster Supreme"
"Two-time J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award Winner"
"Breast Health Ensurer"
"Bal Shem Tov"
"Voted Prettiest Balls"
"His Excellency, Pope Delicious I"
"Guy Who Determines Whether or Not College Players Can Declare for the NBA Draft Early"
key- * No matter how I spell a word, it is hereby correct.
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