Sunday, July 29, 2007

I'm the New Petrus Alphonsi

Walking in the footsteps of Petrus Alphonsi, an 11th century astronomer and writer, I've decided to convert to Christianity and tell you the truth about Judaism. Petrus was born Moses Sephardi, but changed his name when he converted and I'm doing the same. My Christian name is Christopher Cristo.

The great thing about Christianity is that we worship a man. The Jewish version of god is too abstract for my feeble mind. Revere a hairy white guy with sandals? I can handle that.

So Jesus is god and god is also Jesus' father. Hmm, I'll just pretend they're from West Virginia; then it'll make sense. I can really get down with this. Unlike Judaism, we Christians follow a monotheist religion who worship three gods (father, son, and holy ghost), not a monotheist religion that only has one G-d (3 is better than 1). Now, I don't have to wear any funny Jew hats unless I'm a Catholic cardinal. I just won't become a cardinal then. It's that easy.

Jews control the world and it feels good to finally get that off my chest. I'm glad to be part of religion that has very little global power, Christianity. Those greedy Jews have all the money and then cheaply hoard it for themselves. What about sharing some of that wealth with us Christians. Bill Gates is hurting.

The worst part about Judaism is the gefilte fish. I'd rather eat the body and drink the blood of the lord than eat that shit. I've finally found a religion that has liberated me from the shackles of gefilte fish. I feel so free being a Christian. The first thing I'm going to do is buy a Jesus fish for my car.

Yours in Christ,
Christopher Cristo

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