2008 Presidential Candidates

For some reason the presidential campaign has begun over a year and a half before the general election. This is absurd and distracts us from other (horrible) things going on in the world. And with that said, here are my early thoughts on the declared candidates.

In Maryland, you can only vote in the primary that coordinates with your party affiliation. So I will only address the chances of me voting for the Democratic candidates (in the primary).

Democrats:
Hillary Clinton - Let me first say that I love women. I have friends who are women and I even have women in my family. That being said, a woman cannot be president because they are too feeble and dainty. (I really hope none of the women I know read this, because they will beat my ass 'til I don't have an ass anymore). The major problem that I have with Clinton is that she supported the war and would do it again had the intelligence been correct. That's not acceptable with Iran possibly on the horizon.
Barack Obama - I was the first to mention that his name rhymes with Iraq Hussein Osama. I won't be the last. Yes, he represents a wind of change, but he also supports courageous and thoughtful proposals such as redeployment from Iraq, now that we know American troops can't solve the crisis over there. Um, I like him.
John Edwards - Sexy. Until now I thought being gay was biologically determined. But John Edwards makes me want to choose to be gay. He also has a gutsy campaign, focusing on economically poorer citizens. It would be an upset, but I'm still considering him.
Dennis Kucinich - I voted for him in 2004 because he was against the war and had congressional experience. But now this hobbit has pulled a Ross Perot, showing himself to be a bit of a nut job.
Bill Richardson - As you can tell from his name, the governor of New Mexico is Latino. I get a positive vibe from him, but this might be just another case of (New) Mexicans doing a job that Americans don't want.
Chris Dodd - A dud.
Joe Biden - Reminds me a bit of my Grandpa, whom I loved very dearly. But my grandpa was not the most tolerant person in the world and it's probably a good thing that he was never elected president.
Mike Gavel - Who the fuck is that?

Republicans
Rudy Giuliani - A guy named Rudy has got to be for gay marriage, right? Who was the last balding president? Somebody check William McKinley's hairline.
John McCain - Five years in a North Vietnamese POW camp gets you the nickname "Maverick." Eh, it's not worth it if you ask me.
Mitt Romney - He is Mormon and a former Massachusetts governor. Good luck.
Duncan Hunter - He's probably gay.
Sam Brownback - Brownback... c'mon.
Tommy Thompson - Ashcroft's butt buddy.
Tom Tancredo - Wants to send Bill Richardson "back" to Mexico. Ted Haggard's butt buddy.
Mike Huckabee - Mike, fuck a bee. (Real mature).
Ron Paul, Jim Gilmore - I have never heard of these people.