There is a gentleman named Anonymous. I don't know his last name. Anonymous enjoys sporadically posting rabidly anti-Semitic comments on my blog. He also likes spray-painting swastikas throughout my town.
I'd love to meet Anonymous so we can hash out our differences. He thinks "Zionist Kikes perpetrated 9-11." If I had the chance, I'd ask Anonymous: how can Zionist kikes perpetrate a date? Perhaps he meant that they perpetrated the attack that took place on September 11, 2001. Well, in that case, I would have to respectfully disagree. I believe al Qaeda has taken responsibility for that attack. Unless. Unless al Qaeda and the Zionist kikes plotted together to take down the towers. That's it! Maybe we've solved the mystery.
Anonymous also contends that the Jews control the media. If I could ask him, I'd like Anonymous to give me a bit more proof. Although. What better place to express that opinion on a Jewish-controlled media outlet? And of course, my blog, read by all of four people, proves that the Jews run the media.
Come to think of it, Anonymous has some good ideas. I'd love to talk to him. I can't see any reason why Anonymous wouldn't want to meet me to discuss some of his anti-Semitic opinions. Can you?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
George Bush wishes the last seven years had been like lipstick on pig. Unfortunately, the world has taken a turn for the worse and Bush deserves much of the blame. More Americans have died in the two wars than on that fateful day. Innumerable people who were not America have been killed because of the reaction of the United States government. They are innumerable because we don't care to count them.
We should not be angry a radical fundamentalist militant Islamic jihad any more than we are with ourselves. It is not that we have become a murderous regime because of George Bush in the wake of those terrible attacks. Bill Clinton ordered bombs to drop on Afghanistan and Iraq too. The difference is in the scale. More innocent people are dying at our hands then ever before. The war in Iraq is slowly becoming one of the deadliest in terms of American casualties in our nation's history. The optimism that Afghanis felt at the removal of the Taliban is long gone.
Why does bloodshed beget bloodshed? We should not allow it. Not our country. Not in our name.
We should not be angry a radical fundamentalist militant Islamic jihad any more than we are with ourselves. It is not that we have become a murderous regime because of George Bush in the wake of those terrible attacks. Bill Clinton ordered bombs to drop on Afghanistan and Iraq too. The difference is in the scale. More innocent people are dying at our hands then ever before. The war in Iraq is slowly becoming one of the deadliest in terms of American casualties in our nation's history. The optimism that Afghanis felt at the removal of the Taliban is long gone.
Why does bloodshed beget bloodshed? We should not allow it. Not our country. Not in our name.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Is India Secular?
The Western stereotype of India is that it is a spiritual place. Officially, India is a secular country. The Western perception of India is ridiculous and not worth delving deeper, but the question of India's view of itself is pertinent. It is largely a provincial question, but at this point it is more manageable to simply view the issue in general terms.
Much of the tension between India and Pakistan stems from a disagreement over which country rightfully owns the province of Kashmir. During partition, in 1947, the British government did an inadequate job of dividing the two nations, specifically with regards to the disputed territory. While the real reasons for the tussle involve money, land, and power, both sides offer justifications for their position. Pakistan itself is actually an acronym that would be incomplete without Kashmir. Pakistan was created to protect the sub-continent's Muslims and Kashmir is a predominantly Muslim province. India takes a different view. Almost every Indian province is majority Hindu. With control of Muslim Kashmir, India's assertion that it is a secular country carries more weight. It is ironic that, to claim its status as a secular country, India places added importance to the concept of religious identity.
India has two major political parties. The Congress Party was the main political independence movement under the British Raj until the collective took over control of the country in 1947. It is nominally dedicated to a secular government. The Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) advocates Hindu Nationalism. In recent years, the BJP has gained more power and challenged India's secular identity. One such way is through the symbolic act of changing the names of many cities back to one of their designations before the Raj.
Before I went to India, I practiced saying Mumbai in place of Bombay. The name officially changed in 1995 under the Hindu Nationalist Shiv Sena government, which was aligned with the BJP. As I traveled around India, people asked me which cities I had visited. Every time I mentioned Mumbai, I would receive a subtle correction, something to the effect of, "Yes, Bombay is a lovely city." Some have framed the issue in terms of the name Mumbai representing Hindu nationalism and the name Bombay representing pluralism. That is an oversimplification, but it certainly rings true.
The political debate in some ways represents the tensions within Indian society. It is difficult to walk a major street in an Indian city without confronting religious symbols. One encounters pictures of deities in trees and small shrines on street corners. In Goan cities, the practice is duplicated, but often with Christian symbols in place of Hindu ones. Muslims do not practice idolatry. When taking into account the attendance of religious services, statistically India is one of the most religious societies in the world. In many situations, socio-religious mores last even if they have been outlawed by the secular government. However, popular culture- especially Hindi movies- continues to challenge the religious status quo.
Whether or not India is a secular country is a complicated question. In the case of Kashmir, religion is used to justify political aims. The BJP uses political means to push through a nationalist agenda based on religious fundamentalism. India's initial declaration as a secular nation very well may have been a political tactic in hopes to isolate newly formed Pakistan, a Muslim country, from the secular West. It is clear, however, that it does not define Indian society. The BJP has intended to exploit the rift between the declaration of a secular government and a highly religious society. However, the BJP's philosophy of Hindu nationalism offends not only secular Hindus, but also religious persons of other faiths. But the political phenomenon of Hindu nationalism still exists on a national stage in India.
The political and popular cultures and the secular and religious realms are engaged in a constant dialogue with one another, a dialogue that has turned deadly on occasion. Right now, the people of India are attempting to find a balance between these competing forces and develop an updated identity. (International Affairs Edition)
Much of the tension between India and Pakistan stems from a disagreement over which country rightfully owns the province of Kashmir. During partition, in 1947, the British government did an inadequate job of dividing the two nations, specifically with regards to the disputed territory. While the real reasons for the tussle involve money, land, and power, both sides offer justifications for their position. Pakistan itself is actually an acronym that would be incomplete without Kashmir. Pakistan was created to protect the sub-continent's Muslims and Kashmir is a predominantly Muslim province. India takes a different view. Almost every Indian province is majority Hindu. With control of Muslim Kashmir, India's assertion that it is a secular country carries more weight. It is ironic that, to claim its status as a secular country, India places added importance to the concept of religious identity.
India has two major political parties. The Congress Party was the main political independence movement under the British Raj until the collective took over control of the country in 1947. It is nominally dedicated to a secular government. The Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) advocates Hindu Nationalism. In recent years, the BJP has gained more power and challenged India's secular identity. One such way is through the symbolic act of changing the names of many cities back to one of their designations before the Raj.
Before I went to India, I practiced saying Mumbai in place of Bombay. The name officially changed in 1995 under the Hindu Nationalist Shiv Sena government, which was aligned with the BJP. As I traveled around India, people asked me which cities I had visited. Every time I mentioned Mumbai, I would receive a subtle correction, something to the effect of, "Yes, Bombay is a lovely city." Some have framed the issue in terms of the name Mumbai representing Hindu nationalism and the name Bombay representing pluralism. That is an oversimplification, but it certainly rings true.
The political debate in some ways represents the tensions within Indian society. It is difficult to walk a major street in an Indian city without confronting religious symbols. One encounters pictures of deities in trees and small shrines on street corners. In Goan cities, the practice is duplicated, but often with Christian symbols in place of Hindu ones. Muslims do not practice idolatry. When taking into account the attendance of religious services, statistically India is one of the most religious societies in the world. In many situations, socio-religious mores last even if they have been outlawed by the secular government. However, popular culture- especially Hindi movies- continues to challenge the religious status quo.
Whether or not India is a secular country is a complicated question. In the case of Kashmir, religion is used to justify political aims. The BJP uses political means to push through a nationalist agenda based on religious fundamentalism. India's initial declaration as a secular nation very well may have been a political tactic in hopes to isolate newly formed Pakistan, a Muslim country, from the secular West. It is clear, however, that it does not define Indian society. The BJP has intended to exploit the rift between the declaration of a secular government and a highly religious society. However, the BJP's philosophy of Hindu nationalism offends not only secular Hindus, but also religious persons of other faiths. But the political phenomenon of Hindu nationalism still exists on a national stage in India.
The political and popular cultures and the secular and religious realms are engaged in a constant dialogue with one another, a dialogue that has turned deadly on occasion. Right now, the people of India are attempting to find a balance between these competing forces and develop an updated identity. (International Affairs Edition)
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Evil Leaders League, Semis 1st Leg
We've finally reached the playoffs. That pause for the Olympics was obnoxious, wasn't it? Here is the point where the heavy hitters of evilness are ready to do battle for the most malevolent title in the land, the ELL championship. Now up is the semifinals, which will consist of two legs, best aggregate score wins. Let's get the results.
Chavez vs Shwe
Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela, is an evil guy in his own right. Opposition parties consider the state media coverage unfair. Shockingly, they believe that the state media favors the people in charge of the state. But the media isn't the only entity Chavez has nationalized in an attempt to create his Socialist paradise. He's nationalized the fuel industry, the pornography industry, puppies, head lice, your grandmother, Wednesdays, foot odor, and genital warts but not anal warts because Mitt Romney has a pretty good hold on that industry.
Than Shwe is the military ruler of Myanmar and Burma. In Myanmar, Shwe jails and kills dissenters. Aung San Suu Kyi is one of those jailed dissenters. Shwe denies that Suu Kyi is on a hunger strike protesting the lack of freedom in the country. Shwe asked the question, "Is it a hunger strike if we don't feed her? Of course not. There is no indication that she is performing a hunger strike." In Burma, Shwe refuses to allow aid agencies to work unfettered to help its struggling citizenry. Chavez might be an evil guy, but Shwe is evil enough for two countries. Two is better than one.
winner: Check the ELL site
Kim vs al-Bashir
Kim Jong-Il is the reclusive leader of North Korea. If he hasn't been dead for the last five years, as a Japanese professor reported, then he at least might be on his way. He collapsed last month according to Chinese sources. The cause of the collapse is believed to be related to the episode of Friends where Ross cheats on Rachel and then justifies it by claiming that they were on a break. When Kim awoke, he was comforted by the fact that his subjects are still impoverished, often dying of starvation, and that Ross and Rachel would eventually get back together.
Omar al-Bashir reigns over Sudan. It seems love is in the air for al-Bashir. I always hear women say there are no good men anymore; well ladies, I present Omar al-Bashir. He's very successful, running his own country since the late 1980s. He's ambitious, refusing to stop massacring the people of Darfur until someone forcibly stops him. But he's not all about work either, girls. He's quite a dancer and is an excellent dart thrower. But his passion is hunting (black Africans). So stop falling for the wrong guy- men who will "treat you with respect"- and give Omar a call.
winner: Check the ELL site
Chavez vs Shwe
Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela, is an evil guy in his own right. Opposition parties consider the state media coverage unfair. Shockingly, they believe that the state media favors the people in charge of the state. But the media isn't the only entity Chavez has nationalized in an attempt to create his Socialist paradise. He's nationalized the fuel industry, the pornography industry, puppies, head lice, your grandmother, Wednesdays, foot odor, and genital warts but not anal warts because Mitt Romney has a pretty good hold on that industry.
Than Shwe is the military ruler of Myanmar and Burma. In Myanmar, Shwe jails and kills dissenters. Aung San Suu Kyi is one of those jailed dissenters. Shwe denies that Suu Kyi is on a hunger strike protesting the lack of freedom in the country. Shwe asked the question, "Is it a hunger strike if we don't feed her? Of course not. There is no indication that she is performing a hunger strike." In Burma, Shwe refuses to allow aid agencies to work unfettered to help its struggling citizenry. Chavez might be an evil guy, but Shwe is evil enough for two countries. Two is better than one.
winner: Check the ELL site
Kim vs al-Bashir
Kim Jong-Il is the reclusive leader of North Korea. If he hasn't been dead for the last five years, as a Japanese professor reported, then he at least might be on his way. He collapsed last month according to Chinese sources. The cause of the collapse is believed to be related to the episode of Friends where Ross cheats on Rachel and then justifies it by claiming that they were on a break. When Kim awoke, he was comforted by the fact that his subjects are still impoverished, often dying of starvation, and that Ross and Rachel would eventually get back together.
Omar al-Bashir reigns over Sudan. It seems love is in the air for al-Bashir. I always hear women say there are no good men anymore; well ladies, I present Omar al-Bashir. He's very successful, running his own country since the late 1980s. He's ambitious, refusing to stop massacring the people of Darfur until someone forcibly stops him. But he's not all about work either, girls. He's quite a dancer and is an excellent dart thrower. But his passion is hunting (black Africans). So stop falling for the wrong guy- men who will "treat you with respect"- and give Omar a call.
winner: Check the ELL site
Monday, September 08, 2008
The Orkin Man
The Republicans treat terrorism like it's an ant problem. If you kill all the ants, then you won't have an ant problem. The funny thing about killing ants is you will invariably kill other kinds of bugs as well- good innocent bugs.
There is a major difference between killing ants and killing terrorists. We've established that when you kill ants, there is bound to be some collateral bug damage. Spiders, crickets, roaches, flies and other bugs will die in the anti-ant attack. But once those bugs are dead, that's the end of the problem. There aren't bugs in waiting ready turn militant at the injustice of the indiscriminate assault.
Whether stopping an ant problem or terrorism, it's important to resolve the root causes. If you leave food lying around, the ants will keep coming. If you create permanent military base in Muslim countries and continue to back despotic leaders, terrorism will continue. So maybe the Republicans were right to treat terrorism like an ant problem and they're just going about it all wrong. Cleaning up your house works better than Raid.
There is a major difference between killing ants and killing terrorists. We've established that when you kill ants, there is bound to be some collateral bug damage. Spiders, crickets, roaches, flies and other bugs will die in the anti-ant attack. But once those bugs are dead, that's the end of the problem. There aren't bugs in waiting ready turn militant at the injustice of the indiscriminate assault.
Whether stopping an ant problem or terrorism, it's important to resolve the root causes. If you leave food lying around, the ants will keep coming. If you create permanent military base in Muslim countries and continue to back despotic leaders, terrorism will continue. So maybe the Republicans were right to treat terrorism like an ant problem and they're just going about it all wrong. Cleaning up your house works better than Raid.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
2008 NFL Predictions
NFC East: 1) Dal, 2) NYG, 3) Phi, 4) Was.
NFC North: 1) Chi, 2) Min, 3) Det, 4) GB.
NFC South: 1) NO, 2) TB, 3) Car, 4) Atl.
NFC West: 1) Sea, 2) Ari, 3) SF, 4) Stl.
AFC East: 1) NE, 2) BUF, 3) NYJ, 4) Mia.
AFC North: 1) Pit, 2) Cle, 3) Cin, 4) Bal.
AFC South: 1) Ind, 2) Ten, 3) Jax, 4) Hou.
AFC West: 1) SD, 2) Den, 3) Oak, 4) KC.
NFC Wildcard: NYG vs Chi, TB vs Sea.
NFC Divisional: TBvs Dal, NYG vs NO.
NFC Championship: Dal vs NYG.
AFC Wildcard: Buf vs Pit, Ten vs SD.
AFC Divisional: Buf vs NE, SD vs Ind.
AFC Championship: Buf vs SD.
Super Bowl: Buf over Dal
NFC North: 1) Chi, 2) Min, 3) Det, 4) GB.
NFC South: 1) NO, 2) TB, 3) Car, 4) Atl.
NFC West: 1) Sea, 2) Ari, 3) SF, 4) Stl.
AFC East: 1) NE, 2) BUF, 3) NYJ, 4) Mia.
AFC North: 1) Pit, 2) Cle, 3) Cin, 4) Bal.
AFC South: 1) Ind, 2) Ten, 3) Jax, 4) Hou.
AFC West: 1) SD, 2) Den, 3) Oak, 4) KC.
NFC Wildcard: NYG vs Chi, TB vs Sea.
NFC Divisional: TBvs Dal, NYG vs NO.
NFC Championship: Dal vs NYG.
AFC Wildcard: Buf vs Pit, Ten vs SD.
AFC Divisional: Buf vs NE, SD vs Ind.
AFC Championship: Buf vs SD.
Super Bowl: Buf over Dal
Friday, September 05, 2008
McCain Makes History
John McCain was nominated as the Republican presidential candidate. He is attempting to be the 44th ostensibly-straight white Christian man to hold the office of the presidency. That truly would be historic.
His nomination gives hope to the little white Christian boys who are born into prestigious families all across this nation. One day, they too may become powerful and rule the United States of America. But McCain is more than a mere symbol. He carries a populist message, particularly to the part of the populace who earns over $5 million a year. Even his nomination speech was historic. It was the first time at a national convention that television panned to show every black delegate (all 36 of them) during just one speech.
McCain represents change. Generally, the incumbent party is voted out during a recession. A McCain win would represent change in that vein. McCain stands for hope. Even though many people no longer live in a house in the wake of the foreclosure crisis, because of John McCain, they are dreaming of how a person can own more houses than can be remembered.
Alright, so McCain is more like a continuation of history than a history maker. But there will be history made no matter who wins the election. If Obama wins, we'll have the first FLILF since Lady Bird Johnson and if McCain wins we'll have the first V-PILF since Spiro Agnew.
His nomination gives hope to the little white Christian boys who are born into prestigious families all across this nation. One day, they too may become powerful and rule the United States of America. But McCain is more than a mere symbol. He carries a populist message, particularly to the part of the populace who earns over $5 million a year. Even his nomination speech was historic. It was the first time at a national convention that television panned to show every black delegate (all 36 of them) during just one speech.
McCain represents change. Generally, the incumbent party is voted out during a recession. A McCain win would represent change in that vein. McCain stands for hope. Even though many people no longer live in a house in the wake of the foreclosure crisis, because of John McCain, they are dreaming of how a person can own more houses than can be remembered.
Alright, so McCain is more like a continuation of history than a history maker. But there will be history made no matter who wins the election. If Obama wins, we'll have the first FLILF since Lady Bird Johnson and if McCain wins we'll have the first V-PILF since Spiro Agnew.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The Republican Convention
Republican speaker after Republican speaker belittled Barack Obama’s messages of hope and change and in the process seemingly advocated despair and stagnation. The Republicans came up with their own slogan of “Drill Baby Drill,” something you might expect your psychotic dentist to prescribe, not a party platform that delegates at a national convention would scream. When Rudi Giuliani actually tried to pay the Democratic nominee a compliment by explaining that Obama's story could only happen in America, the delegates took it as a punchline and chuckled. The way the Republicans dealt with Obama reminded me of the third grade. What's next, are they going to attack his big ears?
The Republicans delighted in chanting "zero," the amount of executive experience possessed by Obama and Joe Biden. One could argue that running a presidential campaign, directing what will be about a billion dollar enterprise involving more people than have ever resided in the state of Alaska, is a nice little test. But the explanation of Sarah Palin's experience does more to discredit the disparaging remarks against Obama.
The Republicans actually laid the crux of their argument for Palin's experience by claiming that Alaska and Delaware have the same amount of electoral votes. Apparently, you can fit 250 Delawares (geographically, not in terms of population) into Alaska. Palin evidently has foreign policy experience because Alaska is near Russia. I know, this sounds like Stephen Colbert's shtick, but I assure you that it is their actual argument.
The Republicans allege that Obama and Biden are the first and third most liberal senators. I wish! I believe they claimed that Kerry and Edwards were first and fourth last time around. Bernie Sanders, Russ Feingold, Ben Cardin, Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, and numerous others have something to say about that. Just about all of the Democratic senators are more liberal than Biden. I was upset at the Biden pick because he was too much like McCain. I don't think McCain is too liberal or too conservative, I just think he's wrong on too many issues.
The rest of the Republican Convention has been a parade of minorities in an attempt to show that the party is not simply a bunch of good-ole-boy white men. So you have white women who are former CEOs and a black guy who used to be Lieutenant Governor (from Maryland, where we vote on the Governor and the Lieutenant on the same ticket). There was an old Jewish senator well past his prime and a Latino guy who works in middle management somewhere. If you are a Republican and a minority, you probably have spoken at the convention.
When the white men finally spoke, it was apparent that they were very angry. Mitt Romney was forceful in condemning Al Gore's private jet, but made no mention of his own. Romney also accused the Supreme Court of being too liberal, which nearly made my head explode. Hopefully the Republicans will start to talk about the issues that concern us. So far, there's all red meat and real substance.
The Republicans delighted in chanting "zero," the amount of executive experience possessed by Obama and Joe Biden. One could argue that running a presidential campaign, directing what will be about a billion dollar enterprise involving more people than have ever resided in the state of Alaska, is a nice little test. But the explanation of Sarah Palin's experience does more to discredit the disparaging remarks against Obama.
The Republicans actually laid the crux of their argument for Palin's experience by claiming that Alaska and Delaware have the same amount of electoral votes. Apparently, you can fit 250 Delawares (geographically, not in terms of population) into Alaska. Palin evidently has foreign policy experience because Alaska is near Russia. I know, this sounds like Stephen Colbert's shtick, but I assure you that it is their actual argument.
The Republicans allege that Obama and Biden are the first and third most liberal senators. I wish! I believe they claimed that Kerry and Edwards were first and fourth last time around. Bernie Sanders, Russ Feingold, Ben Cardin, Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, and numerous others have something to say about that. Just about all of the Democratic senators are more liberal than Biden. I was upset at the Biden pick because he was too much like McCain. I don't think McCain is too liberal or too conservative, I just think he's wrong on too many issues.
The rest of the Republican Convention has been a parade of minorities in an attempt to show that the party is not simply a bunch of good-ole-boy white men. So you have white women who are former CEOs and a black guy who used to be Lieutenant Governor (from Maryland, where we vote on the Governor and the Lieutenant on the same ticket). There was an old Jewish senator well past his prime and a Latino guy who works in middle management somewhere. If you are a Republican and a minority, you probably have spoken at the convention.
When the white men finally spoke, it was apparent that they were very angry. Mitt Romney was forceful in condemning Al Gore's private jet, but made no mention of his own. Romney also accused the Supreme Court of being too liberal, which nearly made my head explode. Hopefully the Republicans will start to talk about the issues that concern us. So far, there's all red meat and real substance.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Evil Leaders League, Week 7
All season long, we've watched these competitors reach down deep and pull out moments of evilness that have left us breathless (and have left some headless). We've come to the last week of the regular season and our participants will try to make it work one last time. Let's get the results.
Chavez vs Calderon
The President of Venezuela is named Hugo Chavez. Despite being a radical leftist, the daughter of his vice president just had a baby, even though she's been married for years. What a hypocrite! When he's not shopping at Babies R Us, which was recently nationalized, Chavez is threatening to expel the U.S. ambassador to Venezuela. Chavez is angry that Ambassador Patrick Duddy- who was not the dad in Step By Step, but did enjoy the show- keeps mentioning the lack on democracy in Venezuela. If Chavez decides not to expel Duddy, he'll at least nationalize him. Mexico's President Felipe Calderon is the most threatening Spanish speaker to the United States since Jose Jimenez. After the President's army of illegal immigrants takes over the United States government, he'll introduce himself as such: "My name... Felipe Calderon. I your president new."
winner: Check the ELL site
Ahmadinejad vs Musharraf
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the first term president of Iran, and Bolivia's Evo Morales have become strong allies. Guess what Ahmadinejad, to quote Danny Ainge, "Che is not walking through that door. Simon Bolivar is not walking through that door. An arsenal of nuclear weapons is not walking through that door." Give it up. Pervez Musharraf used to be the president of Pakistan until two weeks ago. Now, he's just some guy. Musharraf's resignation has made Indian political cartoonists very sad. Now they have to resort to lambasting their own corrupt public officials. Though not the most powerful man in his country, at least Ahmadinejad doesn't have to pick up his own dry cleaning yet. When that day comes, he'll call Musharraf for advice.
winner: Check the ELL site
Kim vs Nazarbayev
North Korea's feisty little leader is Kim Jong-Il, whether he's dead or not. There have been reports that he died five years ago. Either way, Kim is flexing his evil muscle (no, not his penis). If he's alive, it always helps to keep the enemy guessing. But if he's dead, he has reigned over his terrorized population and taunted the world's global powers from beyond the grave. That would be legendarily evil. The war between Russia and Georgia was beneficial to Kazakhstan’s autocratic president, Nursultan Nazarbayev. He can afford to manufacture a bit of leverage over his country's former master, Russia. If it provokes even stronger tensions between Russia and the U.S. then Kazakhstan's strategic importance might become so high, that Nazarbayev could follow in the footsteps of Islam Karimov and boil his opponents without consequence. War to an evil leader is like ice cream to a cranky toddler. But we know Nazarbayev is alive.
winner: Check the ELL site
al-Bashir vs Shwe
For the first time in ELL history, we will have an undefeated leader after the final week of the regular season. The question is: which one? Omar al-Bashir is a two-time ELL champion and the ruler of Sudan. Omar al-Bashir might be prosecuted by the ICC on charges of genocide in Darfur after all. If he does face a trial, his only request is he wants a more comfortable cage than the ones provided to Saddam Hussein and Adolph Eichmann. Oh, and preferably Marcia Clark and Chris Darden could be the prosecuting attorneys.
Than Shwe not only leads the military junta that rules over Myanmar, but he leads the military junta that rules over Burma. This is his first season in the ELL and he has yet to lose. Shwe unveiled a new slogan to the department of tourism, "It's so nice, we named the country twice." Shwe added to the slogan, "Regardless, you're not invited." The crisis in Burma remains static, which is coincidently also the new torture method Shwe has instituted against the enemy Buddhist monks. The monks should have known the wool carpeting installed in their prison cells was too good to be true.
winner: Check the ELL site
standings: Check the ELL site
Chavez vs Calderon
The President of Venezuela is named Hugo Chavez. Despite being a radical leftist, the daughter of his vice president just had a baby, even though she's been married for years. What a hypocrite! When he's not shopping at Babies R Us, which was recently nationalized, Chavez is threatening to expel the U.S. ambassador to Venezuela. Chavez is angry that Ambassador Patrick Duddy- who was not the dad in Step By Step, but did enjoy the show- keeps mentioning the lack on democracy in Venezuela. If Chavez decides not to expel Duddy, he'll at least nationalize him. Mexico's President Felipe Calderon is the most threatening Spanish speaker to the United States since Jose Jimenez. After the President's army of illegal immigrants takes over the United States government, he'll introduce himself as such: "My name... Felipe Calderon. I your president new."
winner: Check the ELL site
Ahmadinejad vs Musharraf
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the first term president of Iran, and Bolivia's Evo Morales have become strong allies. Guess what Ahmadinejad, to quote Danny Ainge, "Che is not walking through that door. Simon Bolivar is not walking through that door. An arsenal of nuclear weapons is not walking through that door." Give it up. Pervez Musharraf used to be the president of Pakistan until two weeks ago. Now, he's just some guy. Musharraf's resignation has made Indian political cartoonists very sad. Now they have to resort to lambasting their own corrupt public officials. Though not the most powerful man in his country, at least Ahmadinejad doesn't have to pick up his own dry cleaning yet. When that day comes, he'll call Musharraf for advice.
winner: Check the ELL site
Kim vs Nazarbayev
North Korea's feisty little leader is Kim Jong-Il, whether he's dead or not. There have been reports that he died five years ago. Either way, Kim is flexing his evil muscle (no, not his penis). If he's alive, it always helps to keep the enemy guessing. But if he's dead, he has reigned over his terrorized population and taunted the world's global powers from beyond the grave. That would be legendarily evil. The war between Russia and Georgia was beneficial to Kazakhstan’s autocratic president, Nursultan Nazarbayev. He can afford to manufacture a bit of leverage over his country's former master, Russia. If it provokes even stronger tensions between Russia and the U.S. then Kazakhstan's strategic importance might become so high, that Nazarbayev could follow in the footsteps of Islam Karimov and boil his opponents without consequence. War to an evil leader is like ice cream to a cranky toddler. But we know Nazarbayev is alive.
winner: Check the ELL site
al-Bashir vs Shwe
For the first time in ELL history, we will have an undefeated leader after the final week of the regular season. The question is: which one? Omar al-Bashir is a two-time ELL champion and the ruler of Sudan. Omar al-Bashir might be prosecuted by the ICC on charges of genocide in Darfur after all. If he does face a trial, his only request is he wants a more comfortable cage than the ones provided to Saddam Hussein and Adolph Eichmann. Oh, and preferably Marcia Clark and Chris Darden could be the prosecuting attorneys.
Than Shwe not only leads the military junta that rules over Myanmar, but he leads the military junta that rules over Burma. This is his first season in the ELL and he has yet to lose. Shwe unveiled a new slogan to the department of tourism, "It's so nice, we named the country twice." Shwe added to the slogan, "Regardless, you're not invited." The crisis in Burma remains static, which is coincidently also the new torture method Shwe has instituted against the enemy Buddhist monks. The monks should have known the wool carpeting installed in their prison cells was too good to be true.
winner: Check the ELL site
standings: Check the ELL site
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Sarah Palin's Baby's Baby Bump
Sarah Palin is a Christian conservative. Her underage unwed daughter is pregnant, but Sarah Palin is not a hypocrite- I repeat not a hypocrite- because her daughter is not having an abortion! Christian conservative = pro-life ... and don't you forget it!
It's called having morals. You liberal bastards should try it some time.
It's called having morals. You liberal bastards should try it some time.
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