All season long, we've watched these competitors reach down deep and pull out moments of evilness that have left us breathless (and have left some headless). We've come to the last week of the regular season and our participants will try to make it work one last time. Let's get the results.
Chavez vs Calderon
The President of Venezuela is named Hugo Chavez. Despite being a radical leftist, the daughter of his vice president just had a baby, even though she's been married for years. What a hypocrite! When he's not shopping at Babies R Us, which was recently nationalized, Chavez is threatening to expel the U.S. ambassador to Venezuela. Chavez is angry that Ambassador Patrick Duddy- who was not the dad in Step By Step, but did enjoy the show- keeps mentioning the lack on democracy in Venezuela. If Chavez decides not to expel Duddy, he'll at least nationalize him. Mexico's President Felipe Calderon is the most threatening Spanish speaker to the United States since Jose Jimenez. After the President's army of illegal immigrants takes over the United States government, he'll introduce himself as such: "My name... Felipe Calderon. I your president new."
winner: Check the ELL site
Ahmadinejad vs Musharraf
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the first term president of Iran, and Bolivia's Evo Morales have become strong allies. Guess what Ahmadinejad, to quote Danny Ainge, "Che is not walking through that door. Simon Bolivar is not walking through that door. An arsenal of nuclear weapons is not walking through that door." Give it up. Pervez Musharraf used to be the president of Pakistan until two weeks ago. Now, he's just some guy. Musharraf's resignation has made Indian political cartoonists very sad. Now they have to resort to lambasting their own corrupt public officials. Though not the most powerful man in his country, at least Ahmadinejad doesn't have to pick up his own dry cleaning yet. When that day comes, he'll call Musharraf for advice.
winner: Check the ELL site
Kim vs Nazarbayev
North Korea's feisty little leader is Kim Jong-Il, whether he's dead or not. There have been reports that he died five years ago. Either way, Kim is flexing his evil muscle (no, not his penis). If he's alive, it always helps to keep the enemy guessing. But if he's dead, he has reigned over his terrorized population and taunted the world's global powers from beyond the grave. That would be legendarily evil. The war between Russia and Georgia was beneficial to Kazakhstan’s autocratic president, Nursultan Nazarbayev. He can afford to manufacture a bit of leverage over his country's former master, Russia. If it provokes even stronger tensions between Russia and the U.S. then Kazakhstan's strategic importance might become so high, that Nazarbayev could follow in the footsteps of Islam Karimov and boil his opponents without consequence. War to an evil leader is like ice cream to a cranky toddler. But we know Nazarbayev is alive.
winner: Check the ELL site
al-Bashir vs Shwe
For the first time in ELL history, we will have an undefeated leader after the final week of the regular season. The question is: which one? Omar al-Bashir is a two-time ELL champion and the ruler of Sudan. Omar al-Bashir might be prosecuted by the ICC on charges of genocide in Darfur after all. If he does face a trial, his only request is he wants a more comfortable cage than the ones provided to Saddam Hussein and Adolph Eichmann. Oh, and preferably Marcia Clark and Chris Darden could be the prosecuting attorneys.
Than Shwe not only leads the military junta that rules over Myanmar, but he leads the military junta that rules over Burma. This is his first season in the ELL and he has yet to lose. Shwe unveiled a new slogan to the department of tourism, "It's so nice, we named the country twice." Shwe added to the slogan, "Regardless, you're not invited." The crisis in Burma remains static, which is coincidently also the new torture method Shwe has instituted against the enemy Buddhist monks. The monks should have known the wool carpeting installed in their prison cells was too good to be true.
winner: Check the ELL site
standings: Check the ELL site
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