Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Election

I am pleased to announce the results of the first caucus of our presidential race, my fellow citizens. Apparently, I have been declared the winner with 124.6% of the vote. No leader has reached this electoral height since Angola's Jose Eduardo dos Santos garnered 135% in 1992. Here are the full results:

Dear and Fearless Leader: 124.6%
Betty Buxom: 7.8%
Oboto Chiluba:: -32.4%
Total: 100%

Today's decrees
Since my win in our nation's first vote was so convincing, there really is no need to continue with the election. It's clear, you like me, you really like me!

I am hereby a democratically elected and legitimate leader. I must say, it feels good. First and foremost, I want to thank my god. I'd like to thank the voters. And last but not least, I'd like to thank your god, ME!

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