Sunday, January 29, 2012

Death in the Campaign

My fellow citizens, it is with great sadness that I announce the sudden death of former presidential candidate Ronna Paulo, who was suffocated to death when aborted fetuses were jammed down her throat. Ms. Paulo was a champion of freedom, democracy, and human rights. her voice will be sorely missed. In her memory, we will cancel all of the other scheduled debates.

Unfortunately, we had one candidate at last night's debate who did not show the same kind of devotion to these qualities that did Ms. Paulo. Willard Newton said that Ms. Paulo should be "disposed" at last night's debate. So, Willard Newton will pay the price in the name of freedom, democracy, and human rights.

Today's degrees
Here is Willard Newton, bound and shackled. First, let's mess up his perfectly quaffed hair with the shades of gray on the tips of his sideburns that kind of looks like a toupee.

Next, stomp him in the nuts.

Ok, now let's have the judo master come over and put his fat face in your vice-like grip.

Yeehaw! Now let's rip his dick off, sprinkle some beet sugar on it, and send that shit to the moon! This is what happens when someone tries to undermine the freedom, democracy, and human rights we all hold dear.

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