Hello, dear citizens. Like you, I thought that receiving aid from the international financial institutions was a godsend, particularly in the wake of those heinous attacks that took place on May 6. But the IFIs have acted like bullies. They want to dictate policy. They say future aid depends on it.
When I accepted the aid, I thought it was a charitable gesture to help an impoverished nation overcome a recent tragedy. Instead, it was a mechanism to manipulate us. In fact, these IFI jerk-offs are so nefarious, one institutional head even raped one of our chambermaids in a local hotel. Hey buster, that's my job!
Today's decrees
I will now institute a policy of pretending to adhere to the IFIs' wishes while really just doing whatever the hell I want. You know, the status quo.
I have assumed a new official title: The Raper of Virgins.
Tomorrow will be Memorial Day, to honor the victims of the attacks of May 6. Tuesday will be Genital Warts Treatment Day. Half price antibiotics for all!
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