My fellow citizens, I've (finally) got good news. I've worked out a deal with President Obama, the World Bank, and the IMF and our great nation will receive a ton of aid in an effort to repair our stricken land. The attacks of May 6 will go down in our history as a tragic moment. But there can be triumph out of tragedy my beloved citizens.
Today's decrees
We thank the international donors for their generosity in our hour of need. We will enact the good governance measures they have prescribed... if they're good for the nation.
Our citizens will benefit from the money we will be donated. Some more than others.
The national anthem will be changed to "We're in the Money!"
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