DFL: Hello Bahbwa.
BW: There have been weports that your people aw angwy. They aw pwotesting on the stweets. How aw you feewing wight now?
DFL: Feeling good, Bahbwa. I've been going for runs. I've asked my chefs to cook a little bit healthier for me. I'm really in good shape. My chest hair is at its peak lushness.
BW: Vewy good. I hear that you aw quite the wadies man. Do you have your eyes on anyone specific at the moment?
DFL: Well Bahbwa, I'm quiet taken by your grace and style right now. Your eyes have hypnotized me as well.
BW: Oh my. You aw weally a smooth talkah. Many have accused you of tawtooing your wivals. They say you aw bawbaywic. They say you aw a bwute. What aw your hobbies?
DFL: I enjoy ruling my country in a fair and just manner. As you've mentioned, I like the ladies. And I like basketball. Why did LeBron James abandon Cleveland like that? See, that was a current reference that will help me convince the youth that I'm not a bad guy.
BW: Gweat. How do you feel about Amewica? What is your message to Amewica?
DFL: America needs to follow the example of our nation. Our political leaders are able to work together for the good of our people. We are the true embodiment of your creed "E Pluribus Unum." Our political leaders do not succumb to corruption or embarrassing sex scandals. Our political leaders are too busy proving their devotion to the nation and its leader. They would do anything to please their leader, thereby honoring the nation and its people.
Today's decrees
All citizens are required to study my interview with Bahbwa Wawas. Consider the transcript one of the Essential Texts along with my The Tiny Teal Book.
Well, let's only consider the part of the interview reproduced above as an Essential Text. The rest of the interview, um, was pretty much just a sex tape between me and the octogenarian interviewer. Kind of embarrassing. I kept mistaking wrinkle folds for a hole.
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