Short Men Can Rule Too

In his book profiling African leaders in 2000, Alan Rake mentions former Zambian president, Frederick Chiluba's small stature three times.

First: "But the tough little trade unionist, standing just over five feet tall..." On the same page: "The diminutive Chiluba (standing only just over five feet tall) spent most of his childhood..." On the next page: "The little man in his baggy jeans and wide ties was greeted as a hero..."

What the hell, Alan Rake? When I introduced you (above), I didn't mention your height or any other distinguishing features. In your profile of Hosni Mubarak, you didn't constantly reference his unusually shriveled testicles. What's so noteworthy about a short man running a country? And if one reads the way in which Chiluba's height was mentioned, the Zambian leader's height is clearly mocked. You know Mr. Rake, you should have worried less about Frederick Chiluba's height and more about the millions of dollars he embezzled from the country!

Enough of this anti-short man hate-speech. Short men can do anything that other men can. A tall man's ambition is a short man's Napolean complex. We need a change. Let's look to Ricky Hatton, who has a hot tall fiancee. Or Manny Pacquiao who destroyed the taller Oscar de la Hoya. Or Nate Robinson who dunked over and past the much taller Dwight Howard. And then there's Gandhi and Martin Luther King. What has a tall man ever done besides being a douche? Short men unite!