Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Let the Banning Begin

Here are the latest decrees for my nation.

Today's decrees
Only 10 movies will be allowed a year. So they all better be really good.

A successful society respects nature. Thus, umbrellas are now banned.

A beautiful society is a happy one. Thus, everyone 165lbs overweight or more can only go out at night. Or when it's very cloudy.

I've never liked odd numbers, so they are now banned.

The economy of my great nation has slowed a bit. So, to stimulate the economy, free happy endings for every citizen with any purchase over $49.99.

I've always hated Jeff Goldblum; he's banned.

When I was young, I used to have a recurring dream that after I heard the doorbell ring, I would peek out of the window only to find an evil penguin moving in horror-film-like slow motion all set to the tune of Michael McDonald's I Keep Forgetting. So all of that is banned.

No comments: