Thursday, January 01, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

I'm doing things a little differently this year. Here are my New Year's resolutions for 2009:

  • Try not to show people I care about that I love them
  • Scream and cuss more
  • Treat women as brainless, heartless objects
  • Kick homeless people in the back of the knee when they're not looking
  • Lose all of my friends
  • Become fatter
  • Live in an endless cycle of loneliness and sadness
  • Ostracize people with AIDS
  • Stay as healthy as Dick Clark
  • Mock the plight of dispossessed Africans

Basically, to make this world a little worse than how I found it.

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