George Bush's Bad Week

George W. Bush wasn't always like this. He used to be a kind and compassionate man who harbored a profound love for humanity.

All of that changed in one week when George was in his mid-20s. The week began with his boss chewing him out for something that was not his fault. But she didn't simply make her point and go on her way. Instead, she berated him with repetitive criticism of the event in question. George was upset but he realized that he was a young man and we all have to pay our dues.

A couple of days later he became sick. Despite this, he went to a friend's house to watch his favorite NBA team, who rarely played on TV, lose by 25. The next day, he felt better until he asked out the girl he liked and she rejected him. The following afternoon, George played football and finished the game with tremendous neck and shoulder pain that would linger for a while.

That week, George faced Jeb Bush in their fantasy basketball league and lost. Jeb, who was younger, smarter, taller, and better looking, didn't even know much about the NBA, but he won the contest anyhow. George felt sick again. He got a call that he'd have to work on Sunday, so he'd miss a good portion of the NFL games that week, his one pending salvation.

As a result of that week, George decided that the only two things of importance in this world were money and power. He found Jesus in order to achieve those goals. The rest is history.