I would like to apologize to Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko. I certainly did not mean to make her upset with my recent comments about Cindy McCain. I said, "I would give Cindy McCain the time of her life." Yulia misunderstood what I was saying and thought that my comment contained sexual undertones.
In actuality, I was saying that I would show Cindy McCain a very nice time visiting museums and such. I'm sure she would enjoy that greatly. There was absolutely nothing sexual about my comment. Why would I say something sexual about Cindy McCain? I mean, she's hot and everything, but, uh, um, not as hot as Yulia Tymoshenko. Not hot. Hot's the wrong word. Yulia's beautiful, yes, so beautiful.
What? Yulia is upset again. It turns out that the previous quote was preceded by a taunt of John McCain, "Dude, I heard you can't even get it up." I wasn't referring to his erectile dysfunction, which he does have. I meant, he can't get his weight up, as far as showing Cindy McCain a good time, like going to museums and such, which I think she would enjoy. See, no problem.
Hmm. I guess I followed it up by saying, "It's about time she had a real man, someone who cries during the movie Big Daddy but can also snap a pencil in one swooping attempt." Yulia's mad again. Listen baby, I didn't mean anything by it. I heard they have a pencil from the movie Big Daddy down at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History in the Treasures of American History exhibit. Remember when I said Cindy McCain would enjoy going to a museum. The "real man" part? Because you know me, I'm a gentleman, unlike John McCain. I would treat her with respect. Friendly respect.
Oy vey. Yulia found my post I Want Cindy McCain. Sigh. This is going to take awhile. In the meantime, someone else might have to take up the fight against Zimbabwe's corrupt President Robert Mugabe. Stand up Zimbabwe!
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