I anxiously awaited the return of Jesus Christ all year. Unless I missed something, Mr. Christ never appeared. Let's revisit what the hell I'm talking about.
It all began when I wanted to determine once and for all: Who is the one true Lord? So, I challenged Pat Robertson to a pray-off. We prayed our hardest over six different contests with each winning three. It all came down to Game 7.
In the spring of 2003, Pat Robertson claimed on his program 700 Club that the second coming of Jesus will take place during 2007. His reasoning was that it was 40 years after the 6-day war, which supposedly gave Israel its biblical borders. It makes sense if you don't think about it too much. In other news, Barry Bonds played his last season with the Pittsburgh Pirates 15 years ago, so I'm hoping this is the year my backne (back acne) disappears.
Anyway, the competition was: If Jesus came back in 2007, then Pat Robertson would win the Prayoff series and his would be the one true lord. If Jesus, did not come back during 2007, I would win the prayoff series, and my G-d is the one true lord. Simple enough.
I'm pretty sure the Rapture didn't happen last year. Britney Spears shaved her head, but I think that was something else entirely. So...
I WIN!!!!!!!!!!
Abortions and gay marriages for all!!!
Oh, and G-d is a force that transcends our understanding, so everyone has to stop claiming to be the Lord's spokesperson. Suck on it, Pat Robertson! Yes!
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