Monday, October 22, 2007

Ellen DeGeneres Developments

The HaraQuack Times has done some investigative reporting and uncovered more on the Ellen DeGeneres dog adoption scandal.

It turns out that Iggy is not the first dog that Ellen has adopted and subsequently given away. For years, she had been adopting dogs that simply never seemed to get along with her cats. So she donated the dogs to her good friend and animal-lover, Michael Vick. When Vick plead guilt to federal dog fighting charges over the summer, Ellen was visibly shaken.

Sobbing uncontrollably, Ellen bellowed, "I feel totally responsible for it and I’m so sorry." Further accepting responsibility for the Vick dog fighting ring, Ellen continued, "It’s not their fault. It’s my fault."

That's very big of Ellen for admitting her own guilt, but how come she isn't being prosecuted for her role in the dog fighting episode? We are able to report that Ellen DeGeneres and Michael Vick haven't spoken with one another for a while.

We're also working another investigative report. Early findings show that if the ALCS had somehow gone to an 8th game, Casey Blake would have fucked it up then too.

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