Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Oppressed Republicans

Being an oppressed group is a lot like being in a presidential campaign. You might be a good candidate, but if you don't reach the people, no one will know about you. I've paired oppressed groups with the Republican presidential candidate that best fits their status at the moment.

1) Rudi Giuliani - Blacks
2) Fred Thompson - Latinos
3) John McCain - Muslims
analysis: These are clearly the 3 frontrunners on both sides.

4) Mitt Romney - Jews
5) Mike Huckabee - Gays
analysis: Romney is close, but he gets a lot of shit for his religion. Gay people need to get their cause out more effectively just as Huckabee needs to do with his conservative message.

6) Tom Tancredo - Hindus and Sikhs
7) Sam Brownback - Asian (Far East, Yellow, Oriental, other outdated terms)
analysis: Hindus and Sikhs have just about nothing to do with each other, but apparently they both look like Muslims (a group which both also have nothing to do with). Yellow Asians don't like each other at all, specifically everyone hates the Japanese, but whites think they all look a like too.

8) Ron Paul - Dwarfs
9) Tommy Thompson - Deaf
10) Duncan Hunter - Hermaphodites
analysis: Is it spelled dwarves?

11) John Cox - WASPs
analysis: Shouldn't be a candidate.

Not running: women, Amerindians.

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