Monday, August 13, 2007

Evil Leaders League, Week 6

Has anyone seen that guy with a Virginia license plate "NVMYLEX" (envy my Lexus)? If one of our enemies should drop a nuclear bomb on us, I hope in lands on him and his family and only them. Let's check out the results from Week 6 of the ELL:

al-Bashir vs Chavez
Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir has done it again. Did you know that the genocide in Darfur is China's fault? Poor Omar al-Bashir wants the dangerous Darfur rebel army to come to the table to negotiate a peace deal, but those bullies won't, so it's their fault too. The fact is that Omar al-Bashir is responsible for the worst human rights tragedy in the world and somehow it's everyone else's fault. That's fucking evil! Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is cute with his crazy threats against America, but his record doesn't compare to the carnage Omar al-Bashir has on his hands (not literally, al-Bashir washes regularly). Chavez has signed an agreement to provide oil to many Latin American countries. How sweet. Omar al-Bashir beat Chavez in the playoffs last season and won in the regular season.
winner: al-Bashir (again)

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
In an op-ed piece for the Jerusalem Post, Caroline Glick said that "aside from being a messianic, genocidal killer, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is also an economic dunce." What the fuck? "Messianic, genocidal killer?" Don't you have to kill like a whole bunch of people to be called that? Evidently not. That's the type of overblown outrageous illogical inaccurate rant that makes my hoo ha as erect as it's been since I last saw Ann Coulter. Sorry, I have a thing for women who pull crazy shit out of there ass (not (just) literally). When Ahmadinejad isn't committing a fictitious genocide, he is firing his oil and industry ministers because he is a bit of an economic dunce.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il is set to meet with South Korea's president Roh Moo-Hyun later this month in the second ever Inter-Korea summit. They hope to works toward peace. Wait, what the fuck happened to the Kim Jong-Il we used to know? The Kim Jong-Il who starved his own people and threatened the world with nuclear weapons? Now he's engaging in the type of diplomacy that not even US President George Bush would engage in. So Ahmadinejad repeats his regular season victory last season and avenges his playoff defeat at the hands of the same competitor because of something he didn't do; thanks to Caroline Glick.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Karimov vs Sarkozy
Uzbekistan will be celebrating another anniversary of its independence. President Islam Karimov wants the pop songs at the ceremony to be "like totally patriotic and none of that Brittney Spears shit." It's Uzbekistan's sweet sixteen, so they're getting two DJs, a dance floor, a choice of chicken or rat, cute boys, and plenty of punch. It's gonna be rad. France's Evil Emperor Nicolas Sarkozy met with US President George Bush and reportedly desires warm and friendly ties. That bastard! Boycott France!! Sarkozy's hot wife didn't attend the picnic the two leaders had for one another. While Bush tried to hold his own in the face of the monstrously evil messianic genocidal killer, Nicolas Sarkozy, the two enjoyed ham sandwiches and grape soda. Sarkozy dropped a couple of potato chips and the ants stormed the checkered blanket. All part of the French's plan to invade America's picnics with tons ants. Not even the US President is safe!
winner: Karimov

Lukashenko vs Putin
This is a matchup between two men who act like family. Russia's Vladimir Putin is the harsh but loving older brother. Belarus' President Alexander Lukashenko is the spoiled younger brother. Putin turned Lukashenko around, gave him a wedgie, took his gas money, and sarcastically said "thank you" while walking away.
winner: Putin

Putin 5-1
al-Bash 5-1
Kim J-I 4-2
Chavez 3-3
Karimo 3-3
Ahmad 3-3
Lukash 1-5
Sarkozy 0-6

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