Schlimazel

Last week I was driving on Monarch Road when I saw construction just ahead. One of the two lanes was closed. I waved in the minivan ahead of me. The woman gave me a return wave of gratitude. Then I looked at the window decals on the back and instantly regretted my kind action. One was right above the other:
University of Mary Washington
Catholic University

The two schools in Division III's Capital Athletic Conference that consistently beat my ala mater Goucher College in men's basketball. It was as if a Brooklyn Dodger fan waved in a New York Giants supporter unknowingly. As unlikely as it would have been to have one rival decal, this must have been the one car in the world to have decals of those two schools. And it just so happened to be the car that I waved in.

I was quite the fanatical basketball fan in college. Against Mary Washington I used to scream "EVAN!" every time their point guard touched the ball. I guess I could have yelled much worse things. And I did against Catholic. I threatened to kill their cheerleaders (who brings cheerleaders to the other team's gym and then puts them in front so that they're blocking the home crowd's most ardent fans?). I told an old bald fuck to shut up. And I screamed so loud for so long I pissed blood. Those were the 47 most confusing seconds of my life, and once I realized what was happening, they were followed by the 49 scariest. Even with my commitment, we lost almost every time. We did beat Catholic one glorious occasion, but just a couple of years later, the sky fell in.

JRR 42