Let's review the candidates that I'm voting for...
Senate:
Kweisi Mfume - Does not favor totalitarianism.
Comptroller:
Peter Franchot - Is against spending half of the state's budget on whores for players of the Frederick Keys.
House, District 8:
Deborah Vollmer - Has never strangled a puppy to death.
Montgomery County Executive:
Ike Leggett - Did not have sex with Steve Silverman's children (despite what Silverman would have you believe).
County Council, District 3:
Phil Andrews - Didn't spray paint swastikas on my house (I'm guessing).
Write ins-
Attorney General:
Tom Perez - Hasn't been a lawyer in Maryland for the required 10 years, also hasn't raped and murdered any little children.
State Senate, District 15:
Mom - She's a cool lady, probably not qualified though.
New Decisions-
Montgomery County Council At Large:
Hugh Bailey - Likes apple pie, baseball, and the 4th of July.
Marc Elrich - Not the brother of Governor Ehrlich.
George Leventhal - Are there really that many people who live near Shady Grove and work in Silver Spring to where it makes sense to spend billions of dollars on the Purple line? Anyway, he doesn't throw his poop like a monkey.
Bette Dale Petrides - Would watch The Daily Show if she stayed up late enough.
State's Attorney:
John McCarthy - Cuz he's good enough, he's smart enough, and doggone it, most elected officials have endorsed him.
Clerk of the Circuit Court:
Caryn Hines - Went to college.
Sheriff:
Raymond Michael Kight - Probably not as racist as the other candidates. Unless his membership in the NAACP is just an excuse to say the words "Colored People" in a socially acceptable arena.
Board of Education, District 5:
Nancy Navarro - Can write a complete sentence.
Board of Education, at large:
Shirley Brandman - Has never killed a retarded student of hers, despite the temptation to do so. (Ever write something that just makes you sad to be yourself? And yet, I find it too funny to delete).
3 comments:
are you sure you can confirm this one:
"Deborah Vollmer - Has never strangled a puppy to death."
because I've seen that lady before and my initial reaction was "the bitch looks like a puppy strangler!"
Shirley Brandman - Has never killed a retarded student of hers, despite the temptation to do so. (Ever write something that just makes you sad to be yourself? And yet, I find it too funny to delete).
When you come up with gems like that, you'd be foolish not to keep them in. The great thing about blogs is you can say things like that, and get away with it.
I'll amend: If Deborah Vollmer has strangled a puppy to death, it was simply to protest George Bush's ill-advised, ill-conceived, and illegal war in Iraq.
Eh, never mind, who cars, she lost.
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