The Pro-Abortion Lobby

We may seem hard to find, but I am part of the pro-abortion lobby. Being pro-abortion, I feel that all fetuses should be aborted. It does not matter if the mother wants to have a baby, have an abortion, even in cases of rape or the ever-popular incest.

Many people claim that abortion is wrong, but I'm here to say that it's oh so right. The pro-abortion lobby hopes that, through universal abortions, crime will be eradicated, taxes will cease to be necessary, and some young punk will never take your job! I think you like those propositions. Here's more guarantees, with our pro-abortion agenda, you will get laid more because there will be less men to compete with. You don't follow that logic? Uh, some people think cucumbers taste better pickled.

The true obstacle of the pro-abortion lobby is not those abortion-hating pro-lifers, but those intelligent and dare I say, suave, pro-choicers. Sure, they feel that abortion should be legal, but only when carried out responsibly. They believe that the woman should have a right to her body. What poppycock! Why should women be given the right to privacy when it regards her body? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! She should go back into the kitchen and make me a sandwich! Which reminds me, fuck the ERA!

Those pro-choice people give abortion a bad name. They talk about abortion like it's a serious decision. They say, what if it is an unwanted pregnancy. I say, isn't that all of them. I mean, who wants to sit behind a baby on an airplane as it cries for the entire flight. I'd rather have sex with John Hagee. I'd grease up his curvaceous breasts with olive oil and rub my long abortion-loving nose in circles against his nipples. Then I smother my hairless balls in peanut butter and his one ball in jelly and then we'd PB & J that shit all night long.

Getting back to abortion, pro-lifers have said that all we want to do is kill babies and ruin the lives of women. That is so unfair. I only want to kill babies if they happen to slip through the cracks and are not aborted when they are a fetus. As far as ruining women's lives, yes, but not through abortion.

Finally, I am sick and tired of pro-lifers equating pro-choice advocates with us morally upstanding pro-abortion promoters. Those people actually like babies, and believe in justice for women. Can you believe that shit?! They are such fakers. To be pro-abortion, you have to go all out. There's no time for logic, reasoning, or decision-making. The only way to make this country great is to kill all its fetuses. God Bless America and vote for your pro-abortion presidential candidate in 2008.