Monday, January 09, 2012

Tebow Ironically Injured Tebowing

Tim Tebow, the quarterback of the Denver Broncos, injured himself performing his trademark move before the start of the second half yesterday in a playoff game against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

As Tebow was Tebowing- a gesture where one falls to a knee, places their elbow on the other knee, and their fist on their forehead in an act of prayer- the quarterback felt a pop in his groin. Tebow screamed, "Ow, shit! Fucking Jesus Christ!" He then grabbed his crotch and collapsed to the ground.

Tebow Tebowing
According to experts, this particular groin injury, with the proper medical treatment, would be no more than a nuisance for a normal passing quarterback. But since Tebow is such an inaccurate passer that he's forced to rely on his legs, Tebow missed the second half of the game. He's listed as day-to-day.

Tebow has also decided to eschew medical treatment for the injury. Instead, he is "relying on the power of Jesus Christ to heal me." The Denver QB continued, "Jesus's love will bring my groin back to where it needs to be so I can find the hole, penetrate it, and score."

Denver managed to defeat the Steelers because of the heroics of reserve quarterback Brady Quinn. Head Coach John Fox said of Quinn, "Brady won us the game by not throwing four interceptions and going like 8-26 passing. Sure, he sucks. But he's like the reincarnation of John fucking Elway compared to that other guy. Where's Kyle Orton when you need him?"

Denver faces the New England Patriots on Saturday and then will start preparing for next season on Sunday.

1 comment:

Cheri said...

This is awesome!