Wednesday, October 05, 2011

The NFL's New Holocaust Education Program

In light of recent events, everyone associated with the NFL will be required to take the new Holocaust Education Program. Lessons will revolve around these key issues.

1. If you are ever forced to hide in the attic of your agent's mansion to avoid the media who want to interview you because you've recently left your pregnant wife for another woman, do not compare your situation with Anne Frank's. It's important to note that had Anne Frank been discovered by authorities (who did not have to respect privacy laws), Anne Frank would have died, not been merely inconvenienced by a third rate reporter from the Sacramento Bee.

2. Be wary of Hitler references. There will be virtually no circumstance where it is appropriate to compare someone in the NFL to Hitler. Comparing Hitler to someone outside of the NFL should also be approached with caution. Remember, Hitler is responsible for the deaths of 11 million people through the Nazis' systematic dehumanization of several groups of people. So, comparing Hitler with a leader you don't like is often akin to comparing Peyton Manning with Curtis Painter.

3. Better yet, don't make any comparisons with the Holocaust. People interred in concentration camps were treated as slaves, forced to perform difficult work for virtually no food until they were too sick. Then they were gassed. More than that, the Nazis constantly attempted to dehumanize these victims by making them stand out in the cold during role call for hours among many other degrading acts. A person in a concentration camp was under constant threat of death.

4. Ask a Jewish friend about their family history. Avoid agents and lawyers. Descendents of Holocaust survivors tend to want to help people, not steal your money, so ask your doctor and social worker instead; they likely had family in the Holocaust. They can add a personal touch to your ongoing Holocaust education.

5. Visit the US in Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC. Come with an open mind, an intellectual curiosity, and plenty of tissues!

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