I've spent the last week trying to think about other things. I've tried not to let my conscious get in the way of living my life. But guilt is a powerful emotion. I do not possess the ability to lie without remorse. Thus, I must confess to something. Considering the lie has resulted in the public humiliation of a fellow Jew, I feel that I must come clean in a public forum.
The picture is allegedly Anthony Weiner's giant penis is actually my humongous shlong. I was having some fun with the Congressman's computer while waiting for one of our secret Jewish meetings to begin. I sincerely apologize to the Congressman for the embarrassment this has caused. I would also like to apologize for the enormity of my penis.
The shirtless picture that is supposedly the Congressman, that's all Weiner. That one couldn't be me; I have a copious amount of chest hair because I'm a grown man.
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