Wednesday, August 18, 2010

An Ordered Society

A successful society is an ordered society. To have order, there must be rules. Those rules must be followed or punishments must be handed out... funny and absurd punishments.

Today's decrees
If you call someone at 4 or 5 AM and they have work in the morning and it's not an emergency, Red Bull will be pumped into your veins nonstop as you are forced to watch tapes of the 2003 NBA Finals featuring the San Antonio Spurs and the New Jersey Nets (the lowest scoring, worst played finals of all time) on a continuous loop as a Swedish guy wet willies you until you die... unless you're into that kind of thing.

If you build up your record with a lot of easy fights in the Midwest, you will be forced to fight a talented New Yorker with a losing record, who will probably beat your brains in and give you a venereal disease in the process.

For each time you don't alternate appropriately in a merge area, you will lose every other finger.

If you don't flush your poop after dropping a load in a public toilet, you will be swirlied in an unflushed public toilet.

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