I'm so farklempt... or verklempt... or whatever phony transliterated spelling you want to give for that word. I just found out that Chelsea Clinton married a Jewish guy... and it wasn't me!
What the hell?! Doesn't Chelsea Clinton know how much marrying her would change my life. I'd be rich and famous and powerful. I could probably get a Slurpee whenever I wanted it. Better yet, I could probably have some get it for me. Although, they probably wouldn't mix the flavors right and they might sneak in some banana, so never mind, I'll do that myself.
But I'm sure being the son-in-law of the former president and current secretary of state, I could afford NBA league pass. That way I could watch more Knicks games. Maybe I can get the NFL version of that too, so I can watch the Bills. But I don't want to be greedy or anything.
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