Monday, May 24, 2010

ELL, Season 7, Finals Game 1

The Evil Leaders League Finals is so great because it features the best aspects of life: competition, evil guys, and dick jokes. As always, the ELL Finals is a best out of three affair (first competitor to reach two victories grabs the title) with each contest coming only a week after the previous one. Than Shwe, the Burmese python of Myanmar, is hoping to win his second ELL championship. He hopes to win his titles back-to-back, which coincidentally is the position Buddhist monks in his country are put in before they're shot. Hamid Karzai, the hat of Afghanistan is hoping to pull a Magic Johnson and win a title in his first year in the league.

Shwe vs. Karzai
Shwe, whose face looks like it's trying to eat itself, has been having a great year. He's in the process of consolidating his power and working to create legitimacy for his regime by holding elections and civilianizing his government. His political opponents have been jailed and he's still on his secret quest to obtain nuclear weapons. He even managed to marry away his ugly daughter. In a period of four months, Than Shwe has managed to conclusively contradict the concept of karma. Next he's going after the notion of humanity.

Karzai and U.S. President Barack Obama attempted to make up last week after a long spat. Obama gave Karzai a vote of confidence; Karzai said he won't join the Taliban after all. And yet, nothing really changed, the abusive relationship continues. It's very much like Bobby and Whitney. Karzai is going to continue to be corrupt and there's really nothing Obama can do about it. If only they realized this destructive cycle and decided to see other people!

To view the winner, you'll have to go to the only Evil Leaders League site in the English language. Why? Because I'm a dick, who gets off on people visiting the ELL site, that's why.

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