This Eric Massa thing has really been bothering me. I'm sick over it. If tickling is considered groping, then I am a bad man. I'm thinking about the babies that I've evidently sexually assaulted. I'm thinking about the friends I unexpectedly "jolted" in college. I thought it was just silly fun, but apparently it was sexual harassment.
It's been quite a shock. Last week I was a playful guy who was good with babies. Now I'm a sex offender and a pedophile. And it's all thanks to Eric Massa. Damn you, Massa!